HUMEROUS POEMS # 3

IT’S A BLESSED MIRACLE

It’s a blessed miracle
I've been in love with the same woman
For more than fifty years!
It’s a greater miracle
That my wife has never found out,
If she did it would end in tears

RUDELY AWAKENED

I leapt up out of bed,
And I opened the door
In my pyjamas,
Wow I’d not noticed it before
What a very odd place
For there to be a door

A REAL HUMDINGER

A man made a boast
It was a real humdinger
“I can turn this duck
Into a soul singer”

He repeated his boast
Despite being mocked
And made a wager
That left them shocked

They took the bet
That was a real humdinger
To see him turn a duck
Into a soul singer

He said as he took the duck
That he called Mr Smithers
“Now I’ll put it in the microwave
Until its bill withers”

MY LEAST FAVOURITE THINGS # 3

Mono browed women with un-waxed moustaches
Wearing tight leggings too small for their asses
Fat sausage fingers and huge bingo wings
These are a few of my least favourite things

THREE LITTLE FISHES

Three fish in a tank,
One says to the other ones
I'll drive the thing
If you two man the guns

A WEASEL AND A STOAT?

What's the difference between
A weasel and a stoat?
They can both be used
To make a fine coat
So that’s not the answer
Well no need to lament
One's weasily recognized
The other stoatly different.

EIN GANG

Just a little heads up
When everything's coming your way,
Don’t get too cocky
You’re just in the wrong lane. Ok?

FURRY, FURRY DICE

Furry, furry dice
Nodding dogs that nod all day
Look out on the motorway
With eyes that know the despair in my soul.
Hold-ups on the hills,
Stretched for miles like bitter pills
Take a break because tiredness kills
The signs say all across this land

To the tune of Vincent by Don McClean

PUT DOWN # 47

Put downs work the best
For deflecting unwanted attention
But try to be amusing
As this relieves the tension
If he says “Wow that dress looks good on you
But it would look even better on my bedroom floor”
Just thank him and say “No problem,
I’ll send it to you when I don’t wear it anymore”

I LOST MY JOB TODAY

I lost my job today, I was sacked
My boss finally drove me to the brink
So I said “Shhh, just listen to the sound
Of nobody caring what you think”

ADMIRATION AND LOVE # 3

MOUSY HEADED MAIDEN FAIR

All I can do is stand and stare
At the mousy headed maiden fair
The girl with the dirty-blonde hair
Oh beautiful maiden standing there
With tresses of dirty-blonde hair
Please be the answer to my prayer

NOT VIRGINIA PLAIN

Her hair was red
Of russet tones
Like autumn leaves
Its cascading flow
Framed her face
And beauty shone forth
Its skins purity,
Rich as parchment,
Soft as silk,
Radiated her beauty
Her hypnotic eyes
Were startlingly blue,
With gem stone clarity
And held laughter in them
Her nose was small, delicate
Her lips were thin
But a smile of sweet remembrance
Constantly played about them

A COPPER CASCADE

Her crowning glory
Of cascading copper
Pours like molten rust
Onto the pure and unblemished
Milk white skin
Of her neck and shoulders
How I envy each burnished strand
Spilling onto her alabaster skin
Touching where my lips may not

WHAT RICH TAPESTRY

What rich tapestry
Has nature weaved,
This thing of beauty
Crafted by artisan hand
Each stitch and thread,
Singularly ambiguous,
Contributes to the whole
And into this creation
Life was breathed
And light was shone
And there you stand

A ROSE

I thought you pretty as a Rose
A sweet scented beauty
So I gave to you my heart
But you left it broken
And it now lies dying
On a Rose’s bloodied thorns

ARE YOU WEARING?

ARE YOU WEARING A CORSET?

Are you wearing a corset?
All whalebone and string
A beautiful thing to behold
A lustfully sexy thing
Pulling you in at the waist
And redistributing everything
A little discomfort for you
In the whalebone and string
But it’s a small price to pay
For the joy it will bring

ARE YOU WEARING A GIRDLE?

Are you wearing a girdle?
That’s a problem Mrs Spurdle,
Not an insurmountable hurdle
But due to the snugness of the fit
Prising all of you, out of, all of it
Might slow me down a bit

ARE YOU WEARING A WONDER BRA?

Are you wearing a wonder bra?
I think you almost certainly are
If you’re not I’ll eat my cigar
Because nature isn’t that bizarre
And doesn’t push them up that far

ARE YOU WEARING A BRASSIERE?

Are you wearing a brassiere?
You seem to have a pretty pair
Though I don’t think you’re being fair
Because I know you don’t I Clair
And I must honestly declare
To have spent some time up there
And if it’s not a padded brassier
You’ve got a pair of socks up there

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 227

Old King Cole was a merry old soul,
And a merry old soul was he;
He called for his pot in the middle of the night
Because he needed to take a pee

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 228

Pease pudding hot,
Pease pudding cold,
Pease pudding in the pot
Nine days old.
“That’s got to be past its sell by date”

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 229

Lucy Locket lost her pocket,
Kitty Fisher found it;
Not a penny was there in it,
“That Kitty Fisher is a thieving little cow”

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 230

Daffy-down-Dilly
Has come to town
With a yellow petticoat
And a pretty green gown
“Quick phone the fashion police”

UNCATEGORIZED POEMS # 2

HOPE SITS

Hope sits
Upon its primordial throne
A constant, in a sea of change
An unquenchable thirst
An unsatisfied yearning
An unscratchable itch
When all else fails
Hope waits for us all
Since time immemorial
Till the end of time

LIFE INSURANCE

Life should be rewarding
Though not monetarily
Riches nonetheless
For premiums take many forms
But you can’t take out
What you don’t put in
So just invest yourself
And reap the dividends

ANGEL IN THE CROWN

Angel in the crown
of heavens splendours shown
winged beauty flown

THIS OLD HOUSE

This old house
With faded papered walls
And paint flaked and chipped
Rooms full of drafts
And murky shadowed light
Smelling of decay and neglect
And life long absence
The house needed something
No the house wanted something
Amidst the cobwebs of yesterday
And the promise of tomorrow
The house wanted to be a home

MY HEART CARRIES TOO MANY SORROWS

My heart carries too many sorrows
Now my yesterdays out weigh my tomorrows
My spirits sit low in the grey December light
My bones grow weary in the night
I long for the spring sun upon my face
Yet I know that can never again be the case
I wait now in the quiet of another night
In hopeful expectation of the benevolent light

TIME THE FICKLE FRIEND

Time the fickle friend,
though you never wind the spring
the celestial clock ticks on

ARTISTIC PRACTICE

The potter breathing life
Into cold dead clay
An artist and his canvas
Killing the white
The sculptor seeing visions
In the lifeless stone
Wordsmiths weaving
Elaborate fabric with their words
Wood carvers releasing
The image hid within the wood
The unity between hand and mind
Artists and artisans all

BE ENGLISH

Celebrate the victory
With your piers
Drown the woes of foes
In English beer
Sing loud the songs of triumph
Whisper low of near disasters
Be magnanimous in victory
Be humble in defeat
Be proud, be loud
Be English

HUMEROUS POEMS # 2

THERE ARE THREE WORDS

There are three words
No one ever wants to hear
When they are making love
They are “I’m home dear!"

MY LEAST FAVOURITE THINGS # 2

Rotund young women as round as they’re tall
Frumpy old maids with no dress sense at all
Middle aged women who think its still spring
These are a few of my least favourite things

THE CRUEL FACTS OF LIFE

I asked my thirteen year old
If he understood the facts of life
But his complete over reaction
Shocked me and my wife

The boy burst into tears and yelled
“Don’t tell me I don’t want to know”
He put his hands over his ears
Saying “I’m not listening no, no, no”

When my son had calmed down
I asked him what was so scary
He said “when I was seven, you said
That there was no Tooth fairy”

“Then when I was nine, you said
That there was no Easter bunny”
Last year you said that Santa Claus
Was really you and mummy

Now on the eve of my manhood
If you’re going to tell me
That adults don’t have sex
You may just as well shoot me

THE MERITS OF FERRETS

The merits of ferrets
Are the traits he inherits
For hunting the rabbit
In the place they inhabit

THE QUIZZICAL SON

A young boy comes home from school
And addresses his father quizzically
"Dad, what's the difference between
Theoretically and realistically?"

His Dad considered for a moment
Then replied "this calls for a demonstration,
Go and ask Mum if she would sleep with
Ed Balls for a million pound remuneration"

The son raced off to ask his mother
Quickly returning with what he’d found
"Dad she said she would sleep with
Ed Balls for a million pounds"

His Dad considered for a moment
Then replied "Ok another demonstration,
Go and ask your Sister if she would sleep with
Ed Balls for a million pound remuneration"

The son raced off to ask his mother
Quickly returning with what he’d found
"Dad she said she would sleep with
Ed Balls for a million pounds"

His Dad considered for a moment
Then replied "Ok one final demonstration,
Go and ask your Brother if he would sleep with
Ed Balls for a million pound remuneration"

The son raced off to ask his mother
Quickly returning with what he’d found
"Dad he said he would sleep with
Ed Balls for a million pounds"

"Well there’s your answer, we could
Have three million pounds, theoretically.
But as it turns out what we have is
Two slappers and a homosexual, realistically."

THE ORIGINS OF DANCE # 2

If Scottish dancers
Come from Scotland
And Irish dancers
Come from Ireland
Are Pole dancers
From Poland?

I LOVE YOU DARLING WARTS AND ALL

I love you Darling warts and all
Though I can’t seem to recall
When we first met at the mall
And we chatted in the food hall
You ever mentioning warts at all

PUT DOWN # 48

Put downs work the best
For deflecting unwanted attention
But try to be amusing
As this relieves the tension
If he says “hey doll can I buy you a drink”
Ignore him, only reply if he persists
“Maybe you'd be less boring if I got to know you,
But I am not willing to take that risk”

EVERYONE NEEDS A HOBBY

Everyone needs a hobby
And my dad is no exception
He has built up a rather large
Empty bottle collection

There is a name for it
It’ll come to me in a tick
It’s on the tip of my tongue
Oh yes he’s an alcoholic

RIBALD # 2

BRITISH MANHOOD

British manhood
Out on the Razz
Have no conscience
Or boundaries
When endowed
With the beer goggles
They have no preferences
If you shaved a pig
And put it in a dress
With white stilettos
Someone would take it home
Given a late enough hour
And sufficient beer
The necessity to shave the pig
Would be redundant

I LOVE POOH BEAR

I love Pooh bear
And Paddington bear
I love my panda bear
And my teddy Bear
But most of all I must declare
I love my honey bare

THE TRUTH BEHIND THE ACTION

A love pat on the behind my dear
A subtle spank on my dearest’s rear
An action speaking loud and clear
Placed on the buttock soft and plump
A subtle spank on tender rump
The preamble to some rumpy pump

FLASH GAME

A flasher stepped out from the shadows
In front of an unsuspecting old lady
Who just looked pityingly at him and his offering
For no more than a minute or two maybe

She mentally took in his description
200 lbs and about 6ft but no taller
Then he said: "You know what this is don't you?"
She replied "it looks like a penis, only smaller!"

PEAFOWL

Two peahens watched
As the peacock danced
The courtship display
He proudly pranced

One hen said to the other
“All this is getting on my wick”
Then shouted “stop showing off
And show us your dick”

MY FAVOURITE THINGS # 2

Girls in short dresses with black satin panties
G-strings and thongs and exotic scanties
Innocent lookers who do naughty things
These are a few of my favourite things

Firm rounded buttocks and waists that are tiny
A look in the eye that says “I’m Mandy try me”
A flirt in a skirt who looks like she sins
These are a few of my favourite things

When the lust strikes
When the urge stings
When I'm feeling taught
I simply remember my favourite things
And then find an easy sort

STEAMER

Steamer, you’ve left behind a steamer
Well can’t you put the lid on the pan? Oh no
I said steamer, you’ve left behind a steamer
Well can’t you put the lid on the pan? Oh no
I said “my God, what a size, a girth, a length it is
You know – well you know you left it hummin in view
Now there's not a lot I can do

Sung to the tune of Dreamer by Supertramp

ADMIRATION AND LOVE # 2

SILVER HEADED LADY FAIR

All I can do is stand and stare
At the silver headed lady fair
The woman with the silvery hair
Oh beautiful lady standing there
With the waves of silvery hair
Please be the answer to my prayer

HOW FAIR BE YOUR COUNTENANCE

How fair be your countenance
A beauty fairer than the Rose?
How fair be your fragrance
Is it as pleasing to the nose?
How do you compare to the flower
Perhaps this year you are equals
But with each year passing
You will not match its sequels

SUMMER GIRLS

Summer girls
Glistening with suntan oils
Clad in bikinis
On yellow sunlit soils
And how the suitor
Athletically toils
To catch their eye
And so take the spoils

ODE TO MY BEAU

You hold back the night
With your gallantry
You subdue my fears
With your chivalry
You hold me in the light
With your passion for me

WHAT MORE BEAUTY

What more beauty could there be
Than in a maiden lithe of limb
With perfect elegance and grace
And a figure both sleek and trim
Beheld in the vision of a man
Who thinks she only has eyes for him

NATURE POEMS

BEAUTEOUS ROSE

Beauteous Rose in summer dress
In scented splendour
The courtly bees attends thee
Thy fragrant demeanour
In sunlit display
Leaves all nature in awe

THE NIGHT IS STILL

The night is still
And summer flowers sleep
To awake with dawn

A NEW DAY DAWNING

On the distant horizon
The embers of the dawn
Brightly glow
As God blows gentle breath
Upon the glowing coals
And lights up another day

WANE BITTER SEASON

Wane bitter season,
dare Snowdrops to appear, before
winters lingering bite

SPRING WAKES

Spring wakes from lazy
slumber, finding the Crocus heads
already on display

UNCATEGORIZED POEMS # 1

RESPECT

I don’t compare myself to others
Of greater worth or merit
Or try to compete or out perform them
Simply, I am my own man,
And I am content to be so
I am happy to be transparent
So those around me can see what I am
And know the content of my heart
And because of my strong principles
I have self respect
And in return I ask only one thing
To be respected

NEVER OVER REACH

Never confuse, without exception
Excellence with perfection
Excellence you can strive for
Perfection is something more
As I heard Michael J Fox once express
Perfection is God’s business

AS JOYOUS AS A SONG

My love for you
Is as joyous as a song,
Sung in congregation
With the faithful throng

DRAWN LIKE A MOTH

I moved toward the light
Drawn like a moth to a flame
It was a benevolent light
Not dazzlingly bright
But soft and easy on the eye
And when the vista opened wide
It emerged into serenity
With sweet music everywhere
And love enveloped me
Like a soft blanket
In the place of perfect peace
I stepped among the angels
Where no shadows fall

THEY FOLLOW THEIR HEARTS

They follow their hearts
A congregation of one accord
Singing the heartfelt lyrics
To make sweet music to the lord

FILL MY CUP WITH CHEER

Fill my cup with cheer
Dear Lord
But let me be merry
And not drunk
Let me be a companion
And not a burden
Let me be happy
But not foolish
Let me know
When its time to go
And deliver me
Safely to my door

ON THAT AND THIS

Many hours spent
A whole lifetime lent
Time spent remiss
On that and this
Times sands run
And can’t be undone
Too late to wish
Now stood at the abyss
Time never fails
To balance the scales
Regrets too late
Surrender to fate
Time to repent
Your lifetime lent

HUMEROUS POEMS # 1

MY LEAST FAVOURITE THINGS # 1

Manicured whiskers and piercings thru noses
Tattoos on arses of butterflies and roses
Lisp making tongue studs and silly lip rings
These are a few of my least favourite things

PICKUP # 4

When you’re on the pull
If you want to break the ice
Say something funny
Or say something nice
Be devastatingly witty
Or say something clever
Be complimentary
Or just lie in your endeavour
“Wow that dress looks good on you”
You can compliment her
“But laying on my bedroom floor
It would look even better”

CELTIC PRIDE

The Celts are a proud lot
As they’ll tell you like as not
But when the Romans came to stay
The Celts up and ran away
That is exactly what they did
They ran away and hid
And there they stayed on their own
Until the Romans left for home
Then came the Vikings and the Danes
So the Celts ran away again
This noble race mild and meek
Happily playing hide and seek
Well so much for Celtic pride
Nobly running away to hide
Now don’t climb on your high horse
I am a Celt myself of course
And those who run away today
Live to run away another day

A DRIVEN WOMAN

I just got back from the airport
It was a journey of some import
I had to drive the mum in law
Normally a rather onerous chore
But I volunteered this time
And no I had not lost my mind
She was going home hip hip
So it was more of a pleasure trip

HAND HOLDING

I always hold my wife’s hand when we’re out
People thinks it’s so romantic, but its not
I hold her hand all the time because I know
That if I let it go she’ll start to shop

PEARL ANNIVERSARY

After thirty years of marriage
To celebrate our anniversary
My wife and I
Went back once again
To our honeymoon hotel
And this time it was I
Who chose to sit alone
In the bathroom
And cry

MEDICAL MIRACLE

I’ve avoided most diseases
Nature has deployed
But I’m suffering the effects
Of a life well enjoyed
Now I keep twenty doctors
Gainfully employed

WE HAVE A WATER BED

We have a water bed at home
It was a birthday gift for me
I call it my seductive oasis
My wife calls it the Dead Sea

THE ORIGINS OF DANCE # 1

If Scottish dancers
Come from Scotland
And Irish dancers
Come from Ireland
Are Lap dancers
From Lapland?

RIBALD # 1

MY FAVOURITE THINGS # 1

Black lacy stocking, suspenders or garters
Silk cami-knickers will do nicely for starters
Brassiered packages with straps like strings
These are a few of my favourite things

Petite little strumpets and long legged fillies
Brunettes and redheads stripped down to their frillies
Uniformed Nurses oh the pleasures they bring
These are a few of my favourite things

When the lust strikes
When the urge stings
When I'm feeling taught
I simply remember my favourite things
And then find an easy sort

IN THE BACK SEAT OF THE CAR

My wife said she'd like to have sex
In the back seat of the car
I thought things are looking up
I like what I’m hearing so far
Then she said she'd like to have sex
In the back of someone else’s car
I thought things are looking up
I like what I’m hearing so far
Then she said she'd like to have sex
With the guy we just met in the bar

BLIND DATES

I love going on blind dates
They just thrill me to bits
They don’t suit everyone
But hey if the cap fits
I do lots of blind dates
As many as time permits
We meet in a quiet place
Where I sit and stare at their tits

DO YOU HAVE A BRAZILIAN?

Are you sporting a Brazilian?
I think you might be Gillian
I don’t think you have a silly’n
Not like your kid sister Lillian
Who leans towards a Chilean
Or your older sister Jillian
With her moustachioed Sicilian
No I think you my daring Gillian
Might well have a Brazilian
Which is probably a chilly’n

DIRTY-BLONDE HAIR

Oh pretty girl
With the dirty-blonde hair
You may be the answer
To a lonely mans prayer
I have been watching
You standing there
And I’d like to ask
A question if I dare
Are you as dirty
As your dirty-blonde hair

ASTRONOMICAL LOVE

From the moons of Jupiter
And the areolas peaks
Across the navel plains
To the crater of Uranus
And the mound of Venus

BRITISH GIRLS ABROAD

British girls abroad
Fake tanned
Everything on display
Easy virtue
Easy lay
Begging for it?
Gagging for it?
Looking for it?
Perhaps not
But they know the way

BRITISH LADS ABROAD

British lads abroad
On the pull
Like what they see
With undiscerning eye
Out to play
Looking for an easy lay
On another 18-30 holiday

ADMIRATION AND LOVE # 1

CRIMSON HEADED MAIDEN FAIR

All I can do is stand and stare
At the crimson headed maiden fair
The girl with the flaming red hair
Oh beautiful maiden standing there
With tresses of flaming red hair
Please be the answer to my prayer

HOLIDAY ROMANCE

You wanted love
Sweet thing
A holiday romance
Not a brief fling
You wanted love
Romance and kisses
Holding hands
And making wishes
You sought a lover
In a romantic way
You should have known
At the end of the day
He sought a “gagging for it”
Nice easy lay
That was his idea
Of a romantic holiday

PERFECT LOVE CAN BE ILLUSIVE

Perfect love can be illusive
For perfect love is unique
Perfect sex is not exclusive
For perfect sex is just technique

OPEN YOUR EYES ANGEL

Open your eyes Angel
Wipe away the sleep
Be very careful
Don’t sell yourself cheap
Watch out angel
Whatever you do
He’ll break your heart
And make you blue
He’ll get what he wants
Then he’ll wave goodbye
Leaving you sullied
Leaving you to cry
He will have a place to go
For his next bit of frilly lace
Another silly girl
Just as easy to disgrace
Another notch on the bedpost
Another easy conquest
Leaving you alone
Broken hearted and bereft

YOU SLIPPED THROUGH MY FINGERS

You slipped through my fingers
All those yesterdays ago,
How the regret still lingers
Of the way I let you go

WAR AND REMEMBRANCE

IN THE GATHERING OF HOPEFUL HEARTS

In the gathering of hopeful hearts
The flame of peace does thrive
A flame whose embers glowed
When my granddad was still alive
The lads and pals in distant lands
To a man did purposely strive
They kept that tiny ember tended
To ensure that it would survive
And many a lad remained forever
To keep the flame of peace alive

ON REMEMBRANCE DAY

On Remembrance Day,
We honour the sacrificial dead
Those dedicated souls who.
Offered their lives in war
And were accepted
They were the loved ones,
Of their generation
They are the pride of ours

REMEMBER THEM WITH COMPASSION

Remember them with compassion
And not with jaundiced eye
Remember them with gratitude
For they went to war to die
Remember them with pride
Their honour we must not deny
Remember it’s because of them
We stand beneath a free blue sky

DAWN PATROL

You would find them
Up where the air was thin
And the cold burnt
The wood and canvas kites
Prowled the skies
Searching the clouds below
For the enemy silhouettes
And when sighted below
To attack from the sun
And deliver their chattering death

AUSCHWITZ

Auschwitz in essence
Was a processing plant
Or perhaps more accurately
A recycling plant,
Recycling an abundant commodity,
i.e. lower forms of life,
Into a revenue stream
By stripping the resaleable parts
Clothing, jewelry, hair, teeth
And burning what was left.
A cold and calculated business
Inhumanity on an industrial scale.
So the next time
You cast yesterdays must have device
Into your recyling bin
Just remember the Germans did that with people

MONUMENT

Each faceless name
In neat regimen
Of stone masons text
Is one of the fallen
Long forgotten names
Cut deep into the stone
Marking the sacrifice
Of battles Histories
The cold stone sentinel
A poignant reminder

CENOTAPH

Bow your undressed head
Before the cenotaph
A reverent monument
To warriors past
But not to glorify
There tragic loss
But to mark the moment
And count the cost

HALLOWEEN TALES

THE OLD BLACK WITCH’S CAT # 1

The most comfortably fat
Old black witch’s cat
Is often known to take a nap
In her black pointed hat

AT THE WITCHING HOUR

At the Witching hour
The Zombies walk
The Banshees scream
And the Ravens squawk
The Witches’ fly
The familiar’s talk
The Vampires bite
And the Demons stalk

LITTLE MONSTERS

Little monsters in costumes
Looking for candy treats
Terrorizing the neighbours
All along the street

They prey on young or old
To satisfy their appetites
Treats are handed over
To creatures of the night

With their goody bags
Full of every candy treat
They can’t wait to get home
Before they start to eat

Then when the bags are empty
They realise their mistake
They’ve eaten so much candy
They’ve all got stomach ache


WITCHNAPPED

On her broomstick she swoops
And into her arms she scoops
A poor unsuspecting young man
Because as a witch she can
And carries him off through the night
Then uses him for her delight
In the light of the cauldrons fire
She indulges her every desire

THE LITTLE BEWITCHER

She is a little bewitcher
The little servant of Wicca
Who has ensnared my heart
Which I opposed from the start
I was happy being single
But she has made my senses tingle
And she used her Wiccan ways
Against all resistance raised
It is not some fanciful notion
To blame an exotic potion
Or the casting of a spell
To bewitch me quite so well
Now she bends me too her will
And gently holds me still
Then this little Wiccan miss
Captures my soul with her kiss

MY LITTLE WICKED WITCH AND I

My little wicked witch and I
Love to fly across the night sky
And travel to special places
Where no one knows our faces
Where door with bolt and lock
Ensures, Witch and Warlock
Can scratch their every itch
And a Warlock and a Witch
Can safely enjoy a little sin
Without familiars listening in

DREAM WITCH

There is a witch of whom I’m fond
Who could carry me off beyond
And we’d do magic with my wand

We would quaff her special brew
Fly on a broomstick made for two
And do things naughty witches do

But alas our special tandem flight
Full of wicked and delicious delight
Is but a dream I dream each night

THE WITCHING HOUR

On All Hallows Eve take special care
You may not see them but they are there
And as they mix up their witches brew
They’ll have their witchy eyes on you

IN THE BLACKNESS OF THE NIGHT

In the blackness of the night
Performing their satanic rite
Satan’s followers incite
To every Demons delight

DEMONS WALK THE EARTH

Demons walk the earth
On All Hallows Eve
And will snatch away
Your soul at their ease


PHANTASM

What is that ghostly apparition?
Is that ghostly figure a Phantasm?
Come to haunt and terrorise us?
No it’s the kid from next door, Adam

THE OLD BLACK WITCH’S CAT # 2

The old black witch’s cat
Has nothing much to do
He’s a sleepy old familiar
Oddly named Witchitypoo
He is quite partial to a mouse
Should one happen into view
But he doesn’t stir himself
For he never has to pursue
There is no thought of chasing
And no need to bite and chew
For with a flick of his paw
A spell is cast by Witchitypoo
And then he leisurely dines
On a tasty mouse stew

HARE COURSING

On the whole,
No pun intended,
It was a pleasant day
On the Golf course
The sun was warm
The wind was light
The golf was
A mixture of the sublime
And the ridiculous
A day of ups and downs
As my scorecard testified
But the par 4 15th
Was a different story
I had hit a crisp drive
From the elevated tee
And away it flew
Straight down the middle
As Bing once sang
It landed just short of the dog leg
Kicked to the right
And rolled perfectly round the turn
After such a shot
You feel ten feet tall
As you stride down the fairway
And I felt every inch of it
When I reached my ball
I found it sitting up invitingly
And with an unhindered path to the green
I had a birdie chance.
Slightly ahead and to the right
A rather large Rabbit,
Was enjoying the afternoon sun
Blissfully unaware of what was to come
I selected my club
And addressed the ball
“Just hit it straight”
I told myself
I swung the club towards the ball
In a perfect ark
But I must have lifted my head
Because there was and ugly contact
And the ball sliced away
In the direction of the Rabbit
Now had he just stayed still
He would have lived
But alas at the sound of the sliced contact
The Rabbit leapt vertically in the air
Straight into the path of the ball
And died instantly
Now looking back I could have claimed
That the Rabbit put me off
But it didn’t really
If the ball had followed its path
I would have been out of bounds
So the Rabbit sacrificed himself
To save my par

SHE LOOKS LIKE THE GIRL NEXT DOOR

She looks like the girl next door,
Well my interpretation anyway,
And for me she literally is
The girl next door
The studious Rebecca
Full of cleverness
The only child of the Coopers
Now the studious orphan Rebecca
The bookish girl next door
A homely girl though
In the unpretentious sense
Certainly not plain,
But rather understated
She is unworldly
In as much as the temporal world
Holds no sway for her
Rebecca is an attractive girl
Though not in any obvious way
Dressed casually, always
Mousy hair worn indistinctly
She has never been flash, quirky
Or groundbreaking
No its homespun sweaters
And supermarket jeans
Not exactly the height of fashion
But not dowdy nor frumpy
Unlike most of the world
I look beneath the homespun
As I have all my life
But no one else sees Rebecca
Alas she does not see me
The bookish girl next door
She has her heroes of fiction
How could I compete?
With Ahab or Hornblower
Copperfield or Darcy

ANONYMOUS ANGEL HIDDEN FROM VIEW

I saw you this morning
As I walked to work
You were a little in front of me,
For part of the way,
And you fell beneath my gaze.
I noticed your feet first,
Clad in sporting wear
Your shoes were sexless,
Indeterminate in gender
The only distinguishing feature
Was that they were small, But that was all.
Your black trousers were baggy
And gave nothing away
As was your sweatshirt
Which was large, long and grey,
Reaching down to cover your bum
Your brown hair was medium length
Of no particular style
So could have been masculine or feminine.
Had the necessity not arisen
For you to reach into your back pocket
I would not have noticed
The shape of your buttocks
The movement of which,
As you walked, gave you away
You were most definitely a girl
As I got closer the wind moved your hair
And through the fine brunette strands
I glimpsed in the delicate lobe
A simple feminine stud in your ear.
You continued walking head down
Watching your sexless feet
Afraid to look the world in the eye
Or afraid the world would notice you?
Either one might be true
I was level with you as we reached the kerb
And you looked up in my direction
To check if the road was clear
And I glimpsed your face,
A pretty face, a lovely face,
Briefly our eyes met
Beautiful soft blue eyes
But I could not hold your gaze
And you looked back at your feet
Withdrawing again into your shell
But I know you’re in there now
So tomorrow morning
I will look for you again