A QUESTION OF SPORT

A GAME OF ARRA’S

Me and some friends
Fancied a game of darts
I said, “Nearest the bull
To see who starts”
Johnny went “Woof”
And I went “Baah”
Then Danny went “Moo”
He was the closest by far

GOOD OLD FIFA

Good old FIFA
Are getting very fat
With a fee for this
And a fee for that

A GAME OF ALL FOURS

When she suggested
A game of all fours
I thought that meant
Getting into her drawers
But no I was wrong
Which is a shame
It turns out “all fours”
Is just a card game


ACED

My uncle sadly died at Wimbledon
He was a killed by a tennis ball
I wasn’t too sad at the funeral
It was a lovely service after all

ARE YOU WEARING PLUS FOURS?

Are you wearing plus fours?
Well they look just the job
The tweeds with argyle socks
But you do look like a nob

ARE YOU WEARING PLUS TWOS?

Are you wearing plus twos?
Well listen, here’s the bad news
It looks as though the plus twos
Have fallen out with your shoes

ARE YOU WEARING OLYMPIC SUITS?

Are you wearing Olympic suits?
Well you’re looking very smart
You’re Essex lads aren’t you?
I bet you can’t wait for it to start
You will show to the world at large
That you have good hearts
When you’re lighting the torches
Show us you possess some smarts
For I hope there is more to you
When the 2012 Olympiad starts
Than dropping your tailored trousers
And lighting up your farts

OK MY LITTLE SEX POODLE

“Ok my little sex poodle
Get up those stairs right now
Quickly get up those stairs
You horny little cow”

“Oh you sweet talker
You have the gift and how
I’m your spanky sex poodle
I’m your willing little frau”

“No I mean it get upstairs
You don’t have to kowtow
Just get upstairs without delay
The match is starting now”

THE BEST IN THE WORLD

I wont hear a word against our tennis players
It’s true that they certainly have their detractors
But I have always thought British players
Make truly world-class tennis commentators