A Little Bit Of Humour # 74

DIETING TIP # 2

When you eat with someone else
Calories don't count for you
Just as long as you don’t eat
Any more food than they do

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 334

Old Father Goose,
Had hands that would wander
But when he couldn’t goose
He had to settle for a gander

ARE YOU WEARING SPANX AGAIN?

Are you wearing spanx again?
But they cause you so much pain
When they’re on you look smart
But they restrict your ability to fart

HOMELESS SNOWMAN

He was dressed in rags
And made from snow
A poor homeless snowman
A sad lonely snowbo

THE REASON THEY PIPE IN THE HAGGIS

The reason they pipe in the haggis
Without any fluster or hurry
Is to warn the discerning diner
So they can go and get a curry
REVEREND FOGHORN LEGHORN

Reverend Foghorn Leghorn
Has done his reputation damage
When he was ejected from church
For using fowl language

THE CHILDREN LIKE TO SING

The children like to sing
In the family broom, broom
Anything and everything
The kids call them cartoons

MANY THINGS CAN BE PRESERVED

Many things can be preserved
In alcohol, the list nears infinity
But among that endless list
One of them is not your dignity

IF SCIENTIST’S WERE EVER TO ACHIEVE SUCCESS

If scientist’s were ever to achieve success
In a cross breeding in which they would exult
Between a rabbit’s foot and a four leaf clover
Until a rash of good luck would be the result

BIMBETTE AND THE CAR POOL

Bimbette got locked out of her car
In the pouring rain
She had forgotten her keys
So went back in the house again
When she got in the car
She started to frown
The seats were soaked
Because the roof had been down

I WAS BEATEN UP BY A HULA HOOP

I was beaten up by a hula hoop
A round, bad-tempered fink
It was a totally unprovoked attack
It was a “vicious circle” I think

IF BOTANIST’S WERE TO ACHIEVE SUCCESS

If botanist’s were to achieve success
A cross germination in which to exult
Between poison ivy and a four leaf clover
A rash of good luck would be the result

LET ME FULFIL ALL YOUR WISHES

Let me fulfil all your wishes
To shower you with kisses
But please don’t tell the Mrs

MIDDLE-AGED CONTRACEPTION

I have found that at my age
The best form of contraception
That works for me anyway
Is to leave the bedroom light on

BIRTHDAY RITUAL

When I have a birthday
I take the day off
When my wife has one
She takes a year off