A Little Bit Of Humour # 75

DIETING TIP # 3

I don’t know all the science involved
It’s something to do with gravity
But anything you consume while you
Are standing up contains no calories

IT’S A SURE SIGN YOU HAVE LOST # 2

It’s a sure sign you have lost
Your sex appeal for certain
When your gynaecologist
Won’t examine you in person

ARE YOU ADDICTED TO PLASTIC SURGERY?

Are you addicted to plastic surgery?
Or just had more than your fair share
Well it’s a sure sign when your surgeon
Is an employee of Tupperware

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 335

Old Mother Goose,
When she wanted to wander,
Hitched up her dress
And let the men have a gander.

MY CROSS EYES TEACHER WAS SACKED

My cross eyed teacher was sacked
The governors have no scruples
They said it wasn’t her disability
But that she couldn't control her pupils

AT THIS YEAR’S INSECT SUPER BOWL

At this year’s insect Super Bowl
The quarterback played dismally
Rimsky-Korsakov dropped the ball
It was the plight of the fumble Bee


FOGHORN LEGHORN THE COCKEREL

Foghorn Leghorn the Cockerel
Is happy to be the farmyard hick
Not through a lack of ambition
But he’s never short of a hot chick

BIMBETTE ENTERED A SWIMMING COMPETITION

Bimbette entered a swimming competition
In the breast stroke much to her alarm
She came last and claimed she was cheated
As the other swimmers used their arms


THE REASON WE KNOW THE INDIANS

The reason we know the Indians
Were truly the first nations
On the North America continent
Was because they had reservations

TELL ME PLEASE I WANT TO KNOW

Tell me please I want to know
Remember I asked you once before
Tell me what did Tennessee?
Was it the same thing Arkansas?

HALF OF ALL MARRIAGES

Half of all marriages
Will end in divorce
Which just leaves the
Unhappy ones of course

YOU KNOW WHEN YOU ARE CLAPPED OUT

You know when you are clapped out
And not vital any more
When the doc tells you
To slow down instead of the law

ARE SAFARI PARKS DISCRIMINATORY?

Are Safari parks discriminatory?
Yes they most certainly are
Because they make no attempt
To accommodate those without a car

THE TEMPERATURE OF SEX

An old man was at the doctors
“I have a question you may think silly
Well after my wife and I have sex,
I'm usually cold and chilly
But then, after the second time
I'm usually hot and sweaty"
The doc replied “Well that is strange
Let’s discuss it with Betty”
The doctor repeated the tale
And she replied with disgust
"The first time is in January
And the second is in August"

APPARENTLY OWNING A DOG

Apparently owning a dog
Can take ten years of you
I now have four of them
But I still look sixty two