New Year 2015

NEW YEARS RESOLUTION # 1

I was separated from my wife
Due to my serial infidelity
And found myself in bed again
With her best friend Felicity
It was on New Year’s Day
And Felicity asked me
“Did you make a resolution?
What was it? Go on tell me”
I replied “Not to be unfaithful
Ever again to my wife Pru”
As she climbed onto me she asked
“How’s that working out for you?”

NEW YEARS RESOLUTION # 2

I made a New Year’s resolution
To stop having one night stands
Which would be easier to do
If second dates were in my plans

NEW YEARS PICKUP # 1

When you’re on the pull
If you want to break the ice
Say something funny
Or say something nice
Be complimentary
Or just lie in your endeavour
Be devastatingly witty
Or say something clever
On New Year’s Eve
Before the bells begin to clang
Ask her if she wants to
Ring in the New Year with a bang?

ARE YOU WEARING A NEW YEARS OUTFIT?

Are you wearing a New Year’s outfit?
Well you really do look good in it
And it doesn’t look risqué, not a bit
It’s a really cracking little outfit
Though all the emphasis is on the fit

WHEN THE CLOCK STRIKES

When the clock strikes
The midnight hour
One year ends
And another begins
With an explosion
Of pyrotechnic splendour
Lavishly ostentatious
Many thousands of pounds
Up in smoke
Is it really worth it?
Would it not be better spent?
On the homeless
And the lost
And so begin a new year
With new hope

THE YEAR IS TURNING

The year is turning, the cycle
Has made another revolution
It’s time once more to make
The obligatory resolution
Which is broken within days
But this year I have a solution
In order to make it last
I will not make a resolution

FROM ONE YEAR TO THE NEXT

I want to kiss you
On December 31st
Before the clock strikes twelve
Until the last chime
Echoes in the night
Of January the first
So one year will come to an end
In the most amazing way
And the next will have
A beautiful beginning