ARE YOU WEARING? # 5

ARE YOU WEARING BAGGY TROUSERS?

Are you wearing baggy trousers?
For any particular reason
They aren’t the height of fashion
They’re not even last season
You think they look “cool”
Whereas they look simply shoddy
I don’t know why you wear them
Unless you have a baggy body

ARE YOU WEARING PERFUME?

Are you wearing perfume?
I can smell it in this room
It’s a very seductive brew
Are you sure its not you?
Then the answer is clear
And your brother has I fear
With out our consent Suzy
Been entertaining a floozy

ARE YOU WEARING PRIMARK PANTS?

Are you wearing Primark pants?
Don’t you think that a little drastic?
You don’t want, on you wedding day
To be let down by cheap elastic

ARE YOU WEARING FLIP FLOPS?

Are you wearing flip flops?
I can’t believe you don’t know
But the garden is under
About four feet of snow

ARE YOU WEARING A THONG?

Are you wearing a thong?
No there’s nothing wrong
It’s just that they do so
Make you look like a sumo

ARE YOU WEARING A NURSE’S OUTFIT?

Are you wearing a nurse’s outfit?
Does it come with all the kit?
The starched apron and the hat
The black stockings and all that
Oh what a feast before my eyes
Come and feel my pulse rate rise
Only you can now tangibly
Cure this poor patient’s malady

ARE YOU WEARING A MOUSTACHE?

Are you wearing a moustache?
And is that a shaving rash?
Well I’m really sorry Ash
But I think I have to dash

ARE YOU WEARING A FRENCH MAID’S OUTFIT?

Are you wearing a French maid’s outfit?
Does it come with all the kit?
The little apron and the hat
The black stockings and all that
With all the coyness you can muster
Reach up with your feather duster
On tip toes reach up high
So I can glimpse a bit of thigh
Then come back down to earth
And get to work for all your worth

ARE YOU WEARING A BEARD?

Are you wearing a beard?
Wow that’s really weird
With the way you walk
And on the phone when we talk
Well that has me in a whirl
I thought you were a girl

ARE YOU WEARING FALSE NAILS?

Are you wearing false nails?
Is there really any point?
After all you will just
Bite them down to the joint