New Year Bits

NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION

If you have decided
You are overweight
And a diet is the solution
If you have decided
This should be
Your New Year’s resolution
Just listen to these facts
For just a moment
And then digest the information

Of all the people in Britain
There are more over weight people
Than there are average weight people
So overweight people
Are now the new average weight people
So job done, you have reached your target
You are no longer overweight
You have kept your New Years resolution
Have a cake to celebrate

JANUARY BLUES

I hate the month of January
Every single day from New Years day
To the 31st day
I hate the month of January
With every fibre of my being
You may say it’s just the January blues
That colours my views
But it’s much deeper than that.
It’s always such a long depressing month
With dreary weather and miserable people
It’s the inevitable aftermath
That follows a joyful Christmas
Its going back to work to the same depressing job
You so happily left behind you on Christmas Eve
It’s the empty bank account
And the look ahead at the five long weeks till payday
Its New Years resolutions and not keeping them
I hate the month of January
From day one, new years day
With it’s reminder of things to come
Another bloody awful year ahead
January fills me with dread

OLD YEARS NIGHT

My wife is an optimist
Which is why, she stays up
On New Years Eve
To see in the new one

I am by nature a pessimist
Which means, that I stay up
On New Years Eve
To make sure the old one has gone

A Stocking Full Of Christmas # 2

CHRISTMAS DAY IS ALMOST HERE

Christmas day is almost here
The time of year
I hold so dear

When to tradition we must adhere
When to every ear
We are sincere

A time of goodwill and cheer
A time to care
A time to share

Christmas is when we banish fear
Keep close those near
And those dear

Christmas day is almost here
The time of year
When we revere

COUNTDOWN TO CHRISTMAS

When Jack Frost is abroad
And the Thanksgiving snow falls
When we hear the first sleigh bell’s ring
Christmas isn’t far away at all
So make those lists and join the throng
Of happy shoppers down at the mall

THE JINGLE OF SLEIGH BELLS

The Jingle of sleigh bells, herald
His coming on Christmas Eve
When Santa Claus takes the time
To fill our stocking and I believe
That Santa Claus thinks sincerely
It’s better to give than to receive

YULETIDE GATHERING

On the oak and iron studded door
There hung a wreath of yuletide
That was so pleasing to the eye
It seemed to welcome you inside

The hallway was lit with candles
Of every shape, size and hue
And tasteful Christmas decorations
Seemed to be constantly in view

Down the entire length of the stairs
Entwining the polished mahogany
Garlands of holly and evergreen
Filled the scene most sumptuously

The drawing room was minimalist
Each decoration chosen with care
The focal point was the mantelpiece
And the little stocking hanging there

In the corner stood a mighty tree
Festively decked in all its glory
But their was more to the gathering
Than just the Christmas story

Every face bore a relaxed smile
Such was the festive atmosphere
And so proud was the hostess
But not just for the festive cheer

For this was the first Christmas
For their newborn son and heir
And so proud was the mother
Of her newborn son so fair

BUT SOFTLY THE MYRIAD SNOW FLAKES FALL

But softly the myriad snow flakes fall
These infinite flakes of purest white
Like pure white down of angels wings
Floating gently from heavens height

But this is no heaven sent delight
This thing of beauty that cruelly lingers
For harshly touched is the naked earth
When touched by winters icy fingers

IT’S CHRISTMAS TIME AGAIN

It’s Christmas time again
When the spirit is beautiful
When every pocket is empty
But every heart is full

OH PRETTY SNOWFLAKE

Oh pretty snowflake
Gentle on my face
Oh delicate beauty
Like Belgian lace
Oh pretty snowflake
Thing of grace
You were here
Now not a trace

SNOWFLAKES ON THE DAY

Smoke curls from the chimneys,
And dissolves into the grey
Then the clouds in exchange
Release snowflakes on the day

Soon the air is full of white flakes
Filtering the sounds of life away
The land is soon under deep snow
Of snowflakes released on the day

EVERYBODY LOVES IT

Everybody loves it
Even if they won’t admit it
From the newly bred
To the nearly dead
Christmas is the bee’s knees
From decorated Christmas trees
To candlelight and mistletoe
And every happy Ho Ho Ho
Some may not agree
At least not openly
But are quite happy
To enjoy it secretly

I WROTE A LETTER TO SANTA

I wrote a letter to Santa
Making my request
I told him what I wanted
Stating what was best

I didn’t ask for jewels
I didn’t ask for jewellery
I didn’t ask for gold
I didn’t ask for luxuries

I asked him for a gift
I consider the greatest prise
I asked him for the look of love
To be present in your eyes

I asked him for your heart
So to make me live
I asked him for your love
But theyre not his give

I wrote a letter to Santa
Making my request
I told him that I love you
I’m sure he’ll do what’s best

NOT JUST ANOTHER CHRISTMAS

Christmas has come around
It’s another Christmas dear
Another special season
So full of Christmas cheer

Just another Christmas?
We had better not forget dear
It’s not just another Christmas
Something’s different this year

What’s special this Christmas?
You’ve surely not forgotten dear
A milestone is to be reached
That’s what’s special about this year

It’s a special Christmas isn’t it?
I see the penny has dropped dear
We must hang up baby's stocking
It’s his first Christmas this year

DECEMBER HAS COME ROUND AGAIN

December has come round again
Another Christmas time is near.
That time when young and old
Almost explode with festive cheer.

DRIFTING ON THE WIND

The snowflakes drift upon the wind
And settle on the windowsill
But also on the winter winds
Comes the sting of winters chill

THE MAGICAL SEASON

Christmas cards come from absentees
Bringing so many Christmas wishes
And those you get to see in person
Are greeted with Christmas kisses

It’s the time for friends and family
Exchanging gifts beneath the tree
A time to enjoy every single moment
And make it as magical as it can be

IT WARMS MY REMINISCENT HEART

It warms my reminiscent heart
When Christmas preparations start
When the bells of Christmas chime
I am taken back to happy times
With special friends and family
And all the Christmas memories
When Christmas preparations start
It warms my reminiscent heart

CHRISTMAS MEMORIES

Of all the Christmas’s I can remember
My best Christmas’s were the ones
Where I would decorate the tree with dad
And make Christmas cookies with mum
Thread popcorn and make paper chains
Each day opening the advent calendar
Wrapping the gifts in excited secrecy
Writing cards and sending them near and far
They are just distant memories now
But they were still the very best ones
And we must make Christmas memories
Now we have our daughters and our sons

A Grown Up Christmas

EVERYONE IN THE GROTTO KNOWS

Everyone in the grotto knows
The reason for Santa’s ho ho ho’s
And why Santa’s little helper is all aglow
Because she is the latest of Santa’s ho’s
In her green woolly panty hoes
Pixie shoes with turned up toes
Her outfit held together with velcro
Everyone in the grotto knows
Santa gets inside her pixie clothes
And fills her stocking, ho ho ho

SANTA’S R & R

When Santa returns to the north pole
After his momentous Christmas eve
He is always looking forward
To his well deserved annual leave

His post Christmas R & R always begins
With a sight to make his passion burn
That of Mrs Claus festively clad
Hot and spicy to greet him on his return

In red stiletto shoes, red and white stockings
Standing seductively against the bedroom door
Then revealing her delights to her horny Santa
As her fur trimmed cloak falls to the floor

Red silk skimpies, a glimpse of her thighs
Santa is eager to quench his thirst
But Mrs Claus says heading towards the bed
“You had better warm your hands up first”

PARTY CLAUS

What does Santa do after Christmas?
Well if you want to know the truth
He parties hard with Mrs. Claus
Til they melt the snow off the roof

RUDOLPH THE RED NOSED REINDEER

Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer
Had a very shiny nose
And if you ever saw him
You would even say it glows

All of the other reindeer
Laugh and call him awful names
And they leave poor Rudolph
To play his little snorting games

So on every Christmas Eve
Santa’s heard to say:
If you give up the cocaine
You might pull may sleigh again

But all the reindeer knew him
And his love for nose candy
Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer
Santa’s little coke junkie

RUDOLPH THE RAMPANT

Rudolph has been grounded
And severely reprimanded
The cause is his nocturnal activity
During the season of the nativity
Donner has been knocked up
And Vixen is a favourite tup
There are many more names
Who’ve played his reindeer games
He is insatiable, even the boys
Have fallen victim of his joys
Now Santa has had enough
Since he mounted Billy Goat Gruff

FOR WHOM THE BELL TOLLS

Amidst the preparations
For the up coming festivities
There has been a lot of demand
On the Church amenities

For those of us involved
In pulling the Christmas peel
Found the time to practise
Was far less than ideal

I found it difficult to fit it in
Around work and family needs
And often practised alone
At a very late hour indeed

One night it all got too much
The final straw I can’t remember
But as a result I decided to tie
The bell rope around my member

I don’t know why it was
That I succumbed to the pressure
But I was discovered
And I was tolled off by the vicar

THE OFFICE CHRISTMAS PARTY

All year long I fancied Lucy
But she turned out to be fickle
So I thought I’d drown my sorrows
And have a few festive tipples
But I ended up in a cupboard
With a girl with hairy nipples

CHRISTMAS JOY

I have a new love in my life
That all Christmas I’ll be pleas’n
I will bring Joy to her world
When I go south for the season

The Funny Side Of Christmas

CHRISTMAS DAY IN THE WORKHOUSE # 3

It’s Christmas day in the workhouse
Just another grey day to endure
We have been promised nouvelle cuisine
So Oliver will be asking for more

CHRISTMAS GOOSE

At Christmas time
I do like a goose
It is my one weakness
And I offer no excuse

Though it does depend
Of course on the bird
To say any different
Would be quite absurd

The quality of goose
That you are executing
Is directly related
To the bird you are goosing

CHRISTMAS DAY IN THE WORKHOUSE # 4

It’s Christmas day in the workhouse
Just another grey day to endure
We are being treated to pot noodle
So Oliver won’t be asking for more

TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS # 8

Twas the night before Christmas and all thru the abode
Came the rancid smell like an un-emptied commode
It made your eyes water to be perfectly crude
Wow this baby needs to start eating solid food

CAROLS BY CANDLE LIGHT

Christmas is a time
Of many traditions
Like carol singing
With candle lit processions

But not anymore
A years old tradition
Has to had to go
For fear of litigation

“Health and safety”
So gets on my wick
As this year we had
Carols by glow stick

LAST CHRISTMAS

Last Christmas
We got the winter vomiting virus
It wasn’t nice
And it was shared by all of us
It was the worst
We didn’t see much Christmas cheer
I tell you one thing
We’ve just asked for money this year

GIFTS FOR EVERYONE

Jimmy got an iPod
Sally got an iPhone
Dad got an iPad
Mum got an iRon
Happy Christmas? iThink not

TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS # 9

Twas the night before Christmas and at the North Pole
Some of the elves will be signing on the dole
There was a bit of a cock up with the naughty and nice list
When the elves in dispatch all got totally pissed

TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS # 10

Twas the night before Christmas and Santa was pissed,
He was so drunk in fact he couldn’t read the list
So the toys for the nice kids never left the north pole
And they all ended up with a big piece of coal

DEAR SANTA CLAUS

Dear Santa Claus
I have been good
I thought I’d mention that
So it’s understood

I don’t want
Something practical
Something useful
Nor educational

I don’t what
Something creative
Something arty
Or constructive

I don’t want
Something sporty
Something healthy
Not outdoorsy

What I want
Is an X-Box or a PS3
So I can escape
My boring reality

But I don’t want
You to bring me a Wii
It’s just too healthy
And drains my energy

CHRISTMAS GETAWAY

The sleigh is empty
The list is ticked
It’s back to base
Double quick

Mrs. Claus is waiting
To greet me
Fidgeting around
Quite excitedly

The bags are packed
And in the sleigh
We’re off to Florida
For a holiday

SAD SANTA

Santa Claus is depressed
Its declining standards you see
The naughty list is now so long
It needs storing electronically
Where as the good list has shrunk
And now fits on a sheet of A3

CHRISTMAS IS CANCELLED

There's no Christmas this year
There will be no Christmas cheer
For Santa checked the naughty list
And found himself a naughty miss
Then picked her up in his sleigh
And then flew her off to St Tropez

The True Meaning Of Christmas

CS LEWIS CAME TO GOD

CS Lewis came to God
The long way round
But because of this
His faith was sound

And he knew the truth,
He called Christ’s birth
The central event
In the history of the earth

THE FIRST NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS

Twas the night before Christmas, and all through Bethlehem,
Joseph was searching for a room for them
He searched and he searched all round the town
But nowhere to stay for them could be found
So they went to a stable and in a bed made of hay
The Christ child was born on the first Christmas Day

OH GOD TO YOU WE PRAY

Oh God to you we pray
To let peace on earth come our way
Oh God to you we pray
Would that we could have our way
Oh God grant this day
That peace on earth will come our way
Oh God we hear you say
That peace on earth will come our way
If we could from this day
Just live Christmas every day

Inspired by Helen Steiner Rice (1900-1981)

SILENT NIGHT, HOLY NIGHT

Silent night, holy night
Such a sweet carol
Neither rousing nor stirring
But moving and inspiring
A carol to unite in adoration
A song to touch the soul
Poignant and joyous
Holy music at its most powerful
Simple and unpretentious

THE CHRISTMAS ANGEL

The Christmas Angel comes each year
To spread around the Christmas cheer
Though the angels seldom appear
They are still there so do not fear
And listening with the keenest ear
You will never ever be able to hear
The Christmas angel standing near
But she will look over those near and dear
As she spreads around the Christmas cheer
Then the heavenly presence we revere
Twill be gone again again until next year

SING IN PRAISE

We stand around the Christmas tree
And sing to the Christmas melodies
We thank the lord for what we are
Standing beneath the Christmas star
To celebrate the Christ child's birth
When he came to us to save the earth

REMEMBER, REMEMBER THE SIXTH OF DECEMBER

Remember, remember the sixth of December
And put your red boots out
Because that is the very special day
When St Nicholas is about

WITH OPEN ARMS

With open arms I welcome Christmas
I embrace its merriment and mirth
With open heart I welcome Christmas
To celebrate the Christ Childs birth

CHRISTMAS HAS COME

The window sill is piled with snow
The ingle nook is all aglow
We’ve cleaned and swept the floor
The wreath is hanging on the door
The lights are lit, the halls are decked
The list of tasks has all been checked
Now we’re filled with Christmas cheer
Let’s have a drink of Christmas beer
Then ring the bell and bang the drum
Rejoice, rejoice Christmas has come

ALL BOWED BEFORE THE NEWBORN

All bowed before the newborn
In that stable forlorn
Shepherds and their beasts
And the magi from the east
The noble men of wealth
Concerned about his heath
Gave gifts of myrrh, frankincense and gold
Gifts his tiny hands could not hold
And at the centre of this scene
Slept the young King serene

THEY STOOD IN BREATHLESS WONDER

They stood in breathless wonder
At the babe so meek and mild
And with their gifts they knelt
At the feet of the holy child

CHRISTMAS SKY

The winter stage is dressed in tones of white
Everywhere is quiet everywhere is bright
Houses are adorned with lights of every hue
To celebrate the Christmas hullaballoo
And the starry sky on a frost filled night
Is in truth the most wonderful sight
A sky that held the star they had to follow
Over two thousand Christmas skies ago

THERE’S NO BETTER TIME THAN CHRISTMAS

There’s no better time than Christmas
I’ve always believed it to be so
When we remember Christ the saviour
Born two thousand years ago

There’s no better time than Christmas
When we celebrate his birth
In the sanctuary of a candlelit church
We rejoice for all we’re worth

There’s no better time than Christmas
To look beneath ageing skin
Of any of the old souls in the season
And still find a child within

There’s no better time than Christmas
I’ve always believed it to be so
When we remember Christ the saviour
Born two thousand years ago

A Stocking Full Of Christmas # 1

MOTHER CHRISTMAS, THANKS

Mums make Christmas
Only they can
That is a fact of life
Her mission is simple
Every year
Recreating the day

Christmas for her
Holidays for her
Require of her to
Illuminate the season
Supply an army
Trim and decorate
Make and manufacture
Aid and assist
Sustain and nourish

Thank her
Honour her
Assist her
Neglect her not
Kids and spouses
Should respect her

THE LITTLE CHRISTINGLE GIRL

Oh sweet little Christingle girl
Your daddy is so very far away
“Bring my daddy safely home”
These are the words you pray

Oh sweet little Christingle girl
Daddy is away at the war
“Bring my daddy safely home
Bring him safely to our door”

Oh sweet little Christingle girl
How she misses daddy far away
How sad she is, he won’t be home
To be with them on Christmas day

At Sunday school she made a christingle
She took an orange to represent the world.
And to symbolize the blood Christ shed
She took the red ribbon from her curls

Then she decorated four tooth picks
With fruits and sweets and marshmallows
These she placed in the four corners
To represented all the earthly souls

Then finally in the centre of the orange
She stood a single candle of purest white
And when lit, the candle represented
The world filled with Christ’s loving light

The sweet little Christingle girl
Took it home with her that day
And stood it in the window
So daddy would find his way

And the sweet little Christingle girl
With her daddy so very far away
Knew that when he did come home
That would be their Christmas day

SANTA’S TOYS

When Santa was a boy
No bigger than an elf
He was in the workshop
Making toys himself
But he has no time now
For making his own toys
Because he’s out delivering
To all the girls and boys

CHRISTMAS AGAIN

The advent candle is lit again
The Christmas cards are writ again
Beneath the tree gifts sit again
We’ve overspent a bit again

The Christmas table is set again
Our loved ones are met again
We drink a toast of wet again
And say merry Christmas yet again

DECEMBER, DECEMBER

December, December
The snow has come
Falling all night long
Kids its time to have some fun

December, December
Children playing in the snow
Skating and sledding
Faces all aglow

December, December
More snow will come
Then all through the winter
Kids will have more fun

KRIS KRINGLE

If there is one thing
To make the senses tingle
It’s the coming of
The good Kris Kringle

On Christmas Eve
We wait and pray
For good Kris Kringle
To come our way

WE ARE THE CAROL SINGERS

We are the carol singers
Who sing carols as we go
We sing in any weather
In rain or wind or snow

At every house or cottage
That stands upon the lane
We proudly sing a carol
In snow or wind or rain

We are the carol singers
We never feel chagrined
As we proudly sing together
In snow or rain or wind

We shake the tin for charity
Singing carols as we go
We are the carol singers
In rain or wind or snow

THE MAN IN RED

Christmas Eve
It’s time for bed
Listen for the sleigh bells
Of the man in red

Cookies and milk
By the fire place
Excitement beams
From each child’s face

Up the stairs
And fast asleep
Close those eyes
You mustn’t peep

Then when you wake
You will see
Sweets and toys galore
To fill you with glee

SANTA CLAUS REALLY LOVES HIS JOB

Santa Claus really loves his job
He doesn’t do it for the money
But some times it’s a struggle
And sometimes it’s not funny
Trying to please the kids today
Is certainly no easy task
Balancing what they deserve
Against what they ask
Sometimes Santa is impatient
With the ungrateful little buggers
And pictures them in the future
As sociopaths, fraudsters or muggers
But Santa Claus really loves his job
And most of the kids are a joy
So he does try to be patient
And see the best in every girl and boy

THE SANTA BLUES

Santa Claus works really hard
Dawn till dusk all the year long
And he is happy with his team
They are always singing a song
But in December he’s in the spotlight
And he can’t put a foot wrong
He must be on his best behaviour
When Christmas Eve comes along
He doesn’t really like the limelight
It’s the back room where he belongs
And during his great journey
When he suffers the reindeers pong
It’s for his happy team of helpers
And the cosy workshop he will long
He is much happier in the workshop
Working and Singing a Christmas song

SANTA

Santa comes but once a year
Riding on his sleigh
From his North Pole HQ
With gifts for Christmas day

Santa comes down your chimney.
To fill your Christmas stockings
With nuts, fruit and candy
And all kinds of wonderful things

So remember on Christmas Eve
To be good girls and boys
Or Santa won’t come
To bring you lots of toys

CHRISTMAS WISH

I’m not looking forward to Christmas
Not since we lost Mum this year
I’m not looking forward to a Christmas
Devoid of any Christmas cheer

Dads doing his best to lift our spirits
All though inside he’s really hurting too
He wants to make it a special time
And do the things like Mum used to do

So we decked the house with garlands
And trimmed the Christmas tree
We hung the Christmas cards on strings
So that everyone could see

Then with all the decorations up
My Dad went round us one by one
To ask us what gift we wanted
And he promised his best would be done

My sister Jules wants new clothes
Kenny wants music of any kind
The twins they want an X-Box
And the baby really doesn’t mind

Then Dad asked me “what do you want son?
What gift would stop you feeling glum”?
I said “I don’t want a present Dad
All I wish for Christmas is my Mum”

VISITING SANTA

You have to wait in line
To see Santa, but that’s fine
It’s worth every minute of queuing
And the anticipation of viewing
Santa Claus with his big belly
Wobbling like a bowl full of jelly
And his fruity chuckle you hear
In the Christmas grotto each year
Then you get to climb onto his lap
And have your special Christmas chat
Then all too soon its time to go
And Santa gives you a HO HO HO

THE CHRISTMAS PUDDING

The pudding is in the basin
The cloth is tied in a knot
We put it in the boiling water
And hear it hissing in the pot

IT’S CHRISTMAS BY GOLLY

It’s Christmas by golly
Let’s hang up the holly
It’s Christmas by golly
Let’s spend all our lolly
It’s Christmas by golly
It’s the time to be jolly

THE GOOD HUSBAND AND HIS WIFE

The good husband and his wife
Are happy partners in their life
Content in each others company
They live their life quite humbly

Yet come the time of advent
All time and effort is then spent
In the seasonal preparations
Of the coming celebrations

Where the good couple dwelt
Festive odours could be smelt
As special victuals quietly matured
As they cooked and baked and cured

This went on till advent passed
And they had cooked their last
Then the boxes were well packed
To ensure that no one lacked

The boxes were then sent on their way
To be delivered for Christmas day
To the poor and needy of the town
To those that society had let down

But not all was sent on its way
There was plenty kept for Christmas day
When friends and neighbours all
Were invited to the little church hall

Where on that Christmas day
Their bounty was on display
Biscuits, bread and well filled pies
Cakes and sweets of varying size

Roasted meats, fowl and game
Fruits and nuts of every name
And a good time was had by all
At the happy feast at the church hall

The good husband and his wife
The happy partners in each others life
Content in each others company
Sat in the corner quite humbly

Spectators at the feast of their making
Quietly satisfied with their undertaking
Content with their preparations
And happy with the Christmas celebrations

Christmas Love

FIONA

I first met Fiona at a Christmas party
A beautiful woman in a young girl’s body
Fiona was far more mature than her years
And she chose me that night
Despite a host of more suitable suitors
And we danced into the night
Her firm body pressed against mine
Her intoxicating scent enveloping me
Arms clinging tightly to me
Her breath against my neck
In full view of envious eyes
And later in passionate embrace
Just the two of us in the darkness
As I kissed her goodnight

THE VERY FIRST CHRISTMAS

Putting up the decorations
And trimming the Christmas tree
Writing all the cards
This year from you and me

Your presents are wrapped
Only bows and tags to do
Until this moment I didn’t know
Just how much I loved you

So I will have a happy Christmas
With the love of my life
The very first Christmas
Since we became man and wife

I’M THINKING OF YOU

I’m thinking of you
As I sit here feeling blue
I miss you every day
While you are away
But duty called you
And of course I knew
You would have to go
Away to fight the foe
So I’m thinking of you
As I sit here feeling blue
Alone on Christmas day
While you are far away

CHRISTMAS CAROLE

My feelings and emotions,
Long since repressed,
Stirred from their slumber
Feelings I thought had long passed
Were awakened like a sleeping giant
Reappearing like long lost friends
Out of the blue and so unexpected
And Carole was the reason
We met by chance
A week or so before Christmas
In a crowded book shop
Amidst the throng of Christmas shoppers
We simultaneously emerged at the checkout
Both clutching a copy of the same book
The dickens classic
“A Christmas Carol”
Spotting each others proposed purchases
We both smiled
And as far as we could see
We were the only people smiling
Surrounded as we were
By a multitude of the disgruntled
I found myself suggesting coffee
And was pleasantly surprised to here her accept
Following that first chance meeting
We quickly became inseparable
We would sit and talk for hours
About everything and nothing
As we’d sit by the cosy fireside
We would share long walks in the country
And afternoons watching old movies
It soon became obvious
We had both found that elusive something
That had been just out of reach
Just over the next hill
We had found our soul mates
Now we share everything
She was the Christmas gift
I had been waiting for all my life
My very own Christmas cracker
My very own Christmas Carole

CHRISTMAS EVE

We sit beside the hearth,
Just Evelyn and I
Logs crackling in the grate
Flames are burning bright

Just the two of us
Alone in the fire side glow
Sitting in cosy comfort
Warm from head to toe

It was a year ago we met
On a very different night
When I first saw her face
In the soft glow of candle light

It was last Christmas Eve
When I first saw her
It was at midnight mass
And she was singing in the choir

She will be singing Carols
Again this Christmas Eve
We will have to stir ourselves
It’s almost time to leave

But before we leave the cosy scene
I have something to ask
But I’m a little bit scared
As I set about my task

This year has been so special
With her sharing my life
That I want Evelyn to marry me
I want her to be my wife

So as we sit beside the hearth,
Just Evelyn and I
Logs crackling in the grate
Flames burning bright

I pray that when I ask her
I get the response I dare not believe
And she will answered yes
And be MY Christmas Eve

OH MY PRETTY LITTLE ELFIN FACED GIRL (PART ONE)

Oh my pretty little elfin faced girl
In green woolly tights and pixie shoes
I’ve admired you from a distance
Where your smile melts away my blues

I watched you bloom in the spring
And bask in the warm summer glow
Then dressed in russet colours of autumn
And all the year I’ve felt my love grow

Now winter is here and Christmas is near
Oh how I long to kiss your sweet lips so
Oh my pretty little elfin faced girl
I pray I meet you beneath the mistletoe

OH MY PRETTY LITTLE ELFIN FACED GIRL (PART TWO)

Oh my pretty little elfin faced girl
In green woolly tights and pixie shoes
Please notice me beneath the mistletoe
And kiss away my Christmas blues

Oh my pretty little elfin faced girl
I wish you would grant my Christmas wish
But it appears that I wish in vain
For you don’t even know that I exist

So I stand alone with my Christmas punch
Looking out at the fresh fallen snow
When I see your elfin face smile at me
And you’re holding a sprig of mistletoe

GIVE ME A KISS FOR CHRISTMAS

Give me a kiss for Christmas
For my love for you is strong
Give me a kiss for Christmas
I’ve been waiting oh so long

Give me a kiss for Christmas
On this special holy night
Give me a kiss for Christmas
Let me fill you with delight

Give me a kiss for Christmas
That is my only Christmas wish
I promise it will be much more
Than just another Christmas kiss

CHRISTMAS CANOODLE

She is the object of my desire
Hers is the name I sit and doodle
Oh how I long to kiss those lips
As Sweet as apple strudel
I would give every thing I own
The whole kit and caboodle
To spend one minute in her arms
And share a Christmas canoodle

ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS # 4

All I want for Christmas
Is the special girl I love
All I want for Christmas
Is my angel from above

She need not be wrapped
And tied up with a bow
I’ll take her as she is
Smiling face aglow

Any other Christmas gift
Is valueless to me
I just want my angel
Beneath the Christmas tree

So on Christmas day
As we stand beside the tree
I will take her in my arms
And kiss her tenderly

COMPLETE CHRISTMAS

I wrapped the presents from me to you,
Only a few more things now left to do
I must hang up the bunch of mistletoe
Pour the wine and turn the lights down low
And when we cuddle up together on the seat
My Christmas really will be complete

WHEN WINTER COMES

When winter comes
And the first snowflakes fall
Who is the first one in my thoughts?
Who is the first person I call

When winter comes
And there is a fresh fall of snow
Who makes snow angels with you?
Is it that you’re the best angel maker I know?

When winter comes
And there’s fresh snow on the ground
Who builds the snowman with you?
Is it that you make the best snowmen around?

When winter comes
And we spend all of our time together
Have you ever wondered why?
Do you think that I just like the snowy weather?

When winter comes
There is a reason why every winter I call you
It’s the same reason I’ve had since we were seven
I’ve wanted to tell you but have been to scared to

When winter comes
The reason I pull off your wet gloves?
And the reason I gently warm your cold hands?
Is that you’re the one I love

CHRISTMAS PERFECTION

I found the perfect Christmas gift
And that’s what I’m unwrapping
She’s five foot two, eyes of blue
Slender, tender, figuratively cracking

So it’s a happy Christmas to me
For a very obvious reason
I’ve found myself the perfect gift
That I will enjoy all of the season

Odds And Ends

SEAT OF LEARNING

In those halcyon days at university
Our lively intelligence or our esprit
Meant heads were encouraged towards the noetic
But our hearts gravitated to embrace the poetic
Our fecund, fertile minds, proved greatly to suit
As our high minded imaginings bore great fruit

GREEN HILLS

In the lee of the mountains with snow on the ground
Sits a quaint little village with hills all around
No sign can be seen of the green grassy hills
For they lay neath the snow in the wintery chill

But the people are happy and get on with their lives
All the brothers and sisters and husbands and wives
For they know that soon the snow will turn to rain
And then they will see their green hills again

IT’S LENT ONCE MORE

It’s Lent once more
A time to cleanse the soul
Empty the trash
And let Christ keep us whole

Clear the spam
Empty the buffers of sin
Deny yourself
And let the lord back in

It’s Lent once more
Pray to your saviour for peace
Cleanse your soul
Then your penance can cease

A Jamboree Bag Full Of Humour

CONSIDER THE POSSIBILITY

In the event that your nose runs
And your feet smell
Just consider the possibility
That you might be upside down

I’M BUSY DOING NOTHING

At breakfast my wife asked me
What I was doing today
“Nothing” I replied to her
“But you did nothing yesterday”
She informed me
“And now you’re doing it again today”
I replied “I’m not doing nothing, again
I didn’t finish doing it yesterday”

CO-OP COUPLE

Christopher really liked Lisa
He thought she was really quite fit
They worked together every day
At a very well known supermarket

When he asked her out she said yes
But to show that they were an item
They were shrink-wrapped together
And had a barcode label stuck on them

I DON’T BOTHER WITH FLU JABS

Its flu jab season again
But I always give them a pass
I self medicate with alcohol
It really is first class
So just say to the doc
When he starts to tut
That a shot in your glass
Is better than one in the butt

DOCTOR FEELGOOD

My doctor advised me to
Take regular exercise
Eat more fruit
And get plenty of fresh air
So I have taken his advice
I walk to the pub
I have a slice of lemon with my G&T
And I drink in the beer garden

AT KING ARTHURS COURT

Sir Lancelot was the greatest
Sir Gawain was the soundest
Sir Galahad was the purest
Sir Cumference was the roundest

SHOULD HAVE GONE TO SPECSAVERS

When I was on an Alaskan island
I was sure i had seen an optician
Just as plain as the nose on my face
But it turned out to be an optical Aleutian

ON THE NAMING OF A CHILD

On the naming of a child
Certain protocols should be followed by the registrar
Protocol one
If the chosen name is Rainbow or Honey dew
Then firstly the parents should be slapped
And given a book containing sensible names
This process should be repeated until a sensible choice is made
Protocol Two
If the chosen name is Chardonnay or Champagne
Then firstly the parents should be slapped
And a large group of people should be assembled to laugh at them
The parents should then be given a dictionary
To look up the definitions of the names that they chose
This process should also be repeated until a sensible choice is made
Protocol Three
If the chosen name is Moonflower or Gallifrey
Then firstly the parents should be slapped
And the child should be immediately taken into care
Then the parents should be put in the stocks
So sensible people can throw rotten fruit at them
Before finally being committed to an institution

PS – Should it ever be deemed that they have been cured
They should be sterilised before release
And their names entered on the pretentious parents register

PPS - Anyone from Cardiff, The Wirral, Norfolk, Suffolk or Essex will inevitably
Name the child after a piece of fruit, a place they have visited
The name of their favourite car or a product from a supermarket
As a result these people should not be trusted to name their children.
Registrars must name the children for them
In the same way that Hurricanes and tropical storms are named
If they complain go straight to Protocol three

THE DEATH OF DREAMS

He leaves her house
Saying goodnight at the door
And heads homeward
Like so many times before

She has another drink?
Or snorts another line?
No need for a cab
She thinks she’ll be fine

On his lips is the taste
Of his loves last kiss
As he peddles ever onward
Towards the abyss

She drives like a demon
Without any care
Racing over the bridge
Not seeing him there

There is only one winner
When the two come together
Only one outcome
A young man lost forever

In the laws eyes he died a boy
Three days short of being a man
But a very mature boy
A young man with a plan

His life had a purpose
Plans and dreams to be achieved
But his dreams died with him
And they too should be grieved

Too young, too young
To leave dreams unfulfilled
Too soon, too soon
For a young man to be killed

AT THE ELEVENTH HOUR

At the eleventh hour
Silence falls
Heads bow in reverence
Reflecting remembrance
Ordinary people
Stop to show respect
For those who fell

At the eleventh hour
A small group
Of Muslim youth
Chant descent
And wave banners high
“British soldier’s burn in hell”
And this small disrespectful group
Of Muslim youth
Burn poppies in the street
Desecrating that symbol
Of solemnity
And remembrance
Burning the poppies
In symbolic disrespect

Spitting on the dead,
Urinating on their graves
Or defecating on the cenotaph
Would be a less abhorrent act
By that small ignorant group
Of Muslim youth
The poppy does not discriminate
It doesn’t just represent
The white race
The Christian faith
European culture
It represents so much more
Every race
Every faith
From every continent

At the eleventh hour
That small group
Of Muslim youth
Who burnt the poppies
Disgraced themselves
And disgraced the memory
Of every Muslim soldier
Who fell on battlefields
Across the world

CHRISTMAS LINDA PART 3 - FROM EVE TO EVE

Christmas Eve

It was Christmas Eve and the house was decorated for the season
A large fresh cut tree stood in the corner and perfumed the room
Adorned by a myriad of assorted baubles and lights
Christmas cards of all shapes and sizes adorned every surface
And more hung on bright red and green ribbons from the picture rails
Bright colored Christmas garlands hung gaily criss-crossing the sealing
While outside through a break in the dark clouds
A shaft of week winter sunlight shone through the window
Reflecting off the garlands and painting random patterns on the walls
I sat watching TV in my favorite armchair in the front room
Of the house I shared with my wife and soul mate Linda
The woman I loved more then life itself
Both of us had been married before but Linda was the love of my life
We had spent 30 years apart before we found each other again
When our own Christmas miracle happened 20 years ago
And we have had 20 years of incredible happiness together
We had made good use of the years we had together
To make up for the lost time we were apart
And together we had had the fullest of lives
Christmas had always had particular significance for us
It was our favorite time of year and had always been so
Our most meaningful moments together happened at Christmas time
Finding love together, losing each other, finding each other, marrying each other
That’s why I called her Christmas Linda
We did Christmas big and we relished every moment
We would pack away all the ornaments and pictures
Replacing them with festive decorations we had collected over the years
There would be a houseful on Christmas day and Boxing Day
Sharing the celebration with family and friends
Then we would fly off to the sun for a few weeks
Neither of us could abide the New Years holiday
So we took ourselves away to enjoy each others company
But this year the season held no joy for me
Even James Stewart in “It’s a wonderful life” could not lift my spirits
And the reason for my gloomy disposition
Lay in the next room, where the dining table used to stand
Where we had so many wonderful Christmas dinners
The room full of the happy chatter of good company
The table heaving under the weight of Christmas fare
But in its place now stood a stark and clinical a hospital bed
And laying upon it the most precious thing in my life, Linda
Surrounded by all the paraphernalia of terminal illness
Her once vibrant body riddled with inoperable tumors
Their evil spread consuming her from within
The cancer was to far advanced when it was discovered
And she refused what little treatment there was on offer
She also stubbornly refused to die in hospital or a hospice
Saying she wished to die in our home where she had known such happiness
How could I refuse her that simple wish?
We had a private nurse who sat with her at night and I tended her by day
And I watched her dieing by inches every single day
The cruelest punishment for being so happy
My first wife was taken by cancer
And that was hard enough to bare
It’s always so hard when someone you love suffers
But as much as I loved my first wife and as hard as it was to watch her die
It was nothing compared to the intolerable despair I felt losing Linda
She was not only my wife she was my love, my life,
My soul mate, she was the one
I would sit with her and read to her
Sometimes Dickens, Stephen King or Tom Sharpe
Depending on her frame of mind
On her brighter days she would have me tell her jokes
She always said I was the only one who could make her laugh
Her brown hair with its soft curls had long since turned silver
And the sparkle was only rarely present in her eyes
The laughter that used to play around them replaced by pain
And it was on the morning of that Christmas Eve
When she told me what she wanted for Christmas
She was always at her best in the morning
But on that morning she was having a good day
After she had eaten breakfast she asked me to pass her jewelry box
It was the very first Christmas gift I gave her
She often told me it was her most precious possession, after me
As I handed it to her she smiled and just for a second
There was a glimpse of her loveliness shinning through the pain
She patted the bed and bad me sit next to her
I sat on the bed next to her and she took my hand
“I have to say this to you today because I’m having a good day and
I don’t know how many good days I’ve got left”
I protested that she was being silly, she squeezed my hand
Then gave me a look which said that I knew she wasn’t
She opened her jewelry box and from a draw within
Took out a neatly folded handkerchief which she carefully unfolded
And inside were a dozen capsules containing her medication
She looked at me with her soulful eyes pleading with me
As the realization of what she was asking sank in I shook my head
On her good days she had salted away some of her medication
Until she now had enough to hasten the end
She squeezed my hand again and said “Please do this for me”
She didn’t want me to do it there and then
She just wanted me to agree to do it when the time came
But the time would be very soon
“It’s the only gift you can give me this Christmas”
She looked in to my eyes and said
“I love you more than anything in the world
And I know with all my heart that you love me”
I could say nothing as tears welled up in my eyes
“Please do this thing for me” she pleaded
My heart was breaking at the choice I must make
Let her suffer or end her suffering and kill her
I said “I just can’t do it” and I got up and left the room
She didn’t call after me she knew I would be back
With tears streaming down my face I grabbed my coat
And went out the door and went for a walk
The day was cold, grey and damp
And clouds scudded across the December sky
Any hint of the promised sunny intervals was not in evidence
It was the kind of day that chilled you to the bone
But I didn’t feel it at all I just felt numb
You had to be alive to feel the cold and I was dieing inside
I walked for miles under the grey skies
Along the woodland paths we used to walk together
My mind in turmoil my eyes red with tears
If I did what she wanted I would lose her forever
The loss of her would be devastating
But not to let her go would just be selfish
My head was spinning I didn’t know which way to turn
Images of the happy moments together swam in and out of focus
Then as I walked into a clearing in the woods
Where once we had made love on a sultry afternoon
There was a sudden break in the clouds
And the woods were bathed in winter sunshine
And all at once I knew what I must do
When I returned to the house I went straight to her bedside
She was sleeping; so I sat on the chair beside her bed
And rested my head on the bed beside her
Then I felt her hand gently stroking my hair
I sat up and her hand moved to my cheek
I took it in my own and kissed it softly and said
“I’ll do what ever you want me to do”

New Years Eve

Christmas had past and I was glad of it
It was without doubt the worst Christmas of my life
Full of tears and sadness instead of happiness and laughter
There was no wondrous Christmas feast
No table laden with Christmas delights
No hearty laughter or light hearted banter
Just an endless stream of visitors, friends and family
As cheery as was possible, putting on a brave face
All coming with forced smiles to bring the seasons greetings
But all leaving with tears knowing she would not see the spring
I know I sound ungrateful and I’m not really
But every visit ate into the precious time Linda and I had left
I knew how important it was to Linda to see everyone
Even the doctor called in to make sure she was comfortable
And in between visits I would sit watching the needles dropping from the tree
As if each dropping needle symbolized Linda’s plight
And as I sat alone in my favorite armchair on New Years Eve
Staring at the pine needles scattered beneath the tree
I tried to come to terms with the fact that Linda would die with the old year
Since Christmas Eve when she made her request
Linda had been in good spirits
She had seen everyone in the world that mattered to her
And said all the things she needed to say
So Linda had decided that morning that enough was enough
I tried to remain cheerful for her but she could see through it
“I know you’re hurting too” she said the pain etched in her face
And with that we made our plans for our last day together
I phoned the nurse telling her she should have the night off
To enjoy the celebrations with her family
She was very grateful and accepted my explanation without question
I filled the room with lighted candles and in the flickering light
Linda and I spent the evening together looking at photographs
And reliving the great times of our life together
We played the music that formed the soundtrack of our lives
Then an hour before midnight she handed me the folded handkerchief
I opened it and inside were now close to twenty capsules
One by one I broke them open emptying the contents into a wine glass
I filled the glass with Port and gave it a stir
And I put the glass on the bedside table before sitting on the bed
Then I took her hand and kissed it and lent forward and kissed her mouth
I started to say good bye but she put her hand to my mouth
Then I reached over and picked up the glass
And held it up to her lips and she took a drink
Then a little more and a little more until the glass was empty
I wiped her mouth with the hanky and she burped
And she laughed that wonderful laugh
The candles sputtered and the flames flickered
Then she said “I love you so very much” squeezing my hand
“I love you too” I said as I sat holding her hand in mine
And then we just sat in silence looking at each other until her eyes closed
The Village clock began chiming the hour
Her hand went limp and her breathing became shallow
And then all the pain in her face was suddenly gone
The clock chimed twelve marking the passing of the old year
And also unknowingly marked Linda’s passing
I don’t know how long I sat there holding her dead hand
With the tears streaming down my face
But as I sat there I knew what had to be done
I poured myself a large whisky and sat in my favorite armchair
Where I wrote a long letter explaining what I had done
And what I was about to do
With the letter written I put it into an envelope
And placed it on the mantelpiece where it would be easily found
Then I drank my whisky and reached into my pocket
And removed the contents placing them on my lap
Then I filled the syringe with the insulin I had stolen from the doctor’s bag
And injected myself with the full syringe
And as my eyes grew heavy I could feel Linda’s hand on my shoulder
And felt her fingers in my hair as I drifted into a coma
And she whispered “I love you” in my ear as my eyes closed
When my eyes opened again I couldn’t believe what I saw
It was a place that was familiar to me and it was snowing
And the street was full of happy smiling people
And there amongst them was Linda larger than life, vivacious and self assured
Covered with snowflakes and laughing
My snow angel, my Christmas Linda
With snow covering her like sugar on a doughnut
Wrapped up against the cold in a woolen hat and coat
And a long knitted scarf draped about her neck
She shook her head and her light brown hair danced about her shoulders
And the snowflakes fell away from her soft curls
Only to be replaced by fresh ones
There was a rosy redness on her cheeks and she was young again
We were both young again and we had gone back 50 years
She threw herself at me and hugged me tightly
I smelled her hair as I held her and was intoxicated by her scent
We were stood at the taxi stand and snow fell onto Linda’s soft curls
We took our place in the queue and we kissed
All too soon a taxi arrived but this time we both got in
And through the winter wonderland we departed this time never to be apart again

CHRISTMAS LINDA PART 2 - ONE SPECIAL NIGHT

I found myself stranded in a strange town
With less than a week to go before Christmas
Stranded two hundred miles from home
With a seriously ill car in the garage
And a lack of will to contemplate train travel
In truth I was in no hurry to return home
To the empty soulless house that once was home
But now held no comfort for me
My wife of twenty five years had died a year before
Finally loosing her battle with cancer
And my children were all grown up now
With homes and families of their own
The house would be full at Christmas
Full of noise and hustle and bustle,
And the usual mix of love, laughter and tears
But for now it was cold and empty
So I booked into a hotel for the weekend
And I would drive home on Monday
So finding myself in a strange town
Just a few days before Christmas
And with more than a little time to kill
I decided I could fill part of my day
By doing some last minute Christmas shopping
As I stepped out of the Hotel I shivered
The day was cold, grey and damp
And clouds scudded across the December sky
It was the kind of day that chilled you to the bone
I made my way towards the high street
It was only a five minute walk
The receptionist assured me with a smile
As she jotted down some brief directions
In an effort to warm myself up
I walked briskly following her directions
Down the narrow almost Dickensian lanes and ally ways
Passing picturesque Victorian and Tudor buildings, well mock Tudor
As I went and it was indeed five minutes when I emerged
Onto the busy cobbled pedestrianised high street
It was a curious mixture of ancient and modern
At one end of the street a Norman church was visible
And at the other was what appeared to be a municipal building
With rather pretentious Georgian columns
There was still evidence of a row of Edwardian shop fronts
But much of the street was modern
With a little too much sixties influence to be easy on the eye
The street was criss-crossed along the full length
With festive lights and decorations
Which did there best to brighten the scene
I decided to familiarize my self with what the town had to offer
In the way of shops so I turned left and joined the throng of shoppers
Faces gloomy to match the weather
And headed towards the Georgian pillared building
This turned out to be the public library
As I dodged between the Christmas Lemmings
I made a mental note of shops I would return to
My progress was hampered by erratic shoppers
Who moved it appeared independently to any logic
Some seemed to zigzag everywhere and very few possessed
The ability to walk in a straight line for more than a few paces
And others would take a few steps then stop for no apparent reason
Then after a few moments pause carry on normally in the same direction
The sound of cheery Christmas songs and carols
Could be heard from every shop I passed
Though the cheeriness of the music
Was clearly not reflected on the faces
Of the shoppers going in and out of them
As I passed one shop Noddy Holder screamed “it’s Christmas”
Just in case any of the reluctant shoppers were in any doubt
When I reached the other end of the high street
Where the church stood there was a little square
Which I wasn’t able to see before
In the centre of which was the war memorial
And to its left was a magnificent Christmas tree
Covered in baubles and adorned by a beautiful angel
Assembled around the tree was the Salvation Army band
I took a few moments to admire the tree and listen to the band
And I was taken back to a distant time and place
The clock chimed and I was brought back to the present
I took a few more moments while I decided on my first port of call
Not realizing just how important a decision it was
I decided on Woolworths, always a favorite of mine at Christmas
But it also happened to be the closest
So I walked towards the store and pushed open the door
As I entered I paused to hold the door open for a woman coming the other way
I waited as she put her purse away into a huge handbag
And I wondered what I would get for my trouble
I had found the older I got the less women appreciated courtesy
The simple act of holding open a door could provoke a range of responses
A smile, a thank you, a nod, a sneer, a tut or a colorful mouth full of abuse
And you couldn’t always tell who was going to do what
When she had finished fiddling and securing her bag
She moved to step through the open door
As she passed me she looked up said “Thank you” and smiled broadly
And then she stopped as I returned her smile and then I just stood there
Both of us stood motionless as slowly the recognition set in
We both stood there dumbstruck not believing our eyes
I’m not sure how long for but long enough for a queue to form behind each of us
We both blushed and excused ourselves
And stepped out onto the street away from the door
Neither of us knew what to say I couldn’t believe it was Linda
Who I last saw 30 years before being driven off in a taxi
Disappearing off through the snow
With her palm pressed against the glass her neck craned to keep sight of me
And here she stood before me as beautiful as ever she was
The soft curls of her brown hair still danced on her shoulders
Yet with fine strands of silver threaded thru it
Her smile was still able to melt my heart even after all those years
Her smiling eyes still had the same sparkle
The years had been kind to her and too me much less so
I was still fumbling for the words to say as I studied her
When she reached up and hugged my neck
Kissing my cheek at the same time
And spoke softly in my ear “Paul, Is it really you?”
I simply said yes and we stood in that long comfortable embrace
I don’t know how long we stood there not wanting to let go
Then as she relaxed her grip and I kissed her forehead
“It’s so good too see you” I said feebly
She put her head on my chest, squeezed me and sighed
Then released her grip and pulled away slightly
And put her hand up to my cheek and caressed my grey beard
“Do you have time for coffee”? She said almost pleadingly
I said of course and she put her arm through mine and led me across the high street
Asking quick fire questions as we went
And I explained about my car breaking down
And that I was staying at the Cromwell hotel
She said “oh really” and “oh dear” delighting in my misfortune
We sat on a large comfortable sofa in Starbucks
And told the tales of our lives spent apart
Throughout I looked at her with adoring eyes
Pinching myself expecting to awake from a dream
As I had done so very may times before
I told her about my wife and children
She told me of her marriage and subsequent divorce
The good man I gave her up for turned out to be a violent drunk
She had no children which although unsaid was clearly a regret
With the aid of several cups of coffee we managed to talk away the entire morning
I suggested we might spend the day together
And have dinner together at the hotel
She accepted the invitation to dinner with a delightful smile
Then she looked at her watch and suddenly jumped up
“Look at the time, I have to go” she flustered
She said she had a prior commitment
“Lunch with mum” she said rather unconvincingly
She said it was something she couldn’t get out of
As I helped her back into her coat the smell of her hair
Evoked memories of our past embraces
She fished out her mobile phone as we left the coffee shop
From her huge handbag and we exchanged phone numbers
And we firmed up the details for the evening
Then with a hug and a kiss she was off
I stood and watched her walk away her coat tails swishing behind her
She stopped briefly and turned to give me a smile and a wave
Then with the phone to her ear she hurried off again talking animatedly
I stood watching until she disappeared from sight
Then I went back to my Christmas shopping
And treated myself to a new shirt for the evening
I bought the gifts I was looking for and paper, tags, cards etc
And with all my shopping complete I returned to the hotel for lunch
The rest of the day seemed intolerably long
In an effort to kill some time I went for a swim
Used the gym, went for a walk
I got a haircut even though I didn’t need one
I even wrapped the Christmas presents I had bought
But the time passed so interminably slowly
I walked into the hotel bar at 7 o’clock an hour early
Partly for some Dutch courage and in part because I had run out of things to do
I ordered a drink and then sat at the bar
Even though I wasn’t expecting her until eight
Every time the door opened I turned to look for her
And when it wasn’t her self doubt crept in
And with every false alarm the doubts got worse
What if she doesn’t come?
What if she changed her mind?
What if she never intended to come?
What if? What if? What if?
Then at a quarter to the hour the door opened and there she was
There she stood wearing a simple black knee length dress
Black tights or stockings and four-inch stiletto shoes
Her legs as shapely as I remembered them
And in one hand she held a black leather clutch bag
Her face looked a little anxious until I stood up
And then it lit up in the most radiant smile
Then she walked towards me
Almost tottering on her heels and she laughed
I took her hand as she climbed onto a stool
And kissed her cheek the fragrance of her perfume was intoxicating
Going straight to my head like a strong spirit
The combination of her scent and my desire for her almost made me swoon
I ordered her a drink and we nervously made small talk
Like two strangers on a blind date
Until the waitress led us through to the restaurant
Once we were seated at our table
I asked her how her lunch with mum went
And she blushed the deepest red
She told me the lunch date was a little white lie
Because she needed the afternoon to get ready
And the animated phone call was to her sister
To rally the troops to get her presentable
We both laughed and any awkwardness was gone
We talked with such an easy familiarity
As if her departing taxi had only been a week ago
By the time we had finished our coffee the restaurant was empty
Except for us and a weary waitress waiting to clear our table
The evening seemed to have passed in the blink of an eye
And had all too soon come to an end
We got up and made our apologies
Linda went through the door to the ladies and I settled the bill
I said good night and had made my apologies again
Then went in search of Linda through the same door she had used
I found her standing by the Christmas tree
She had retrieved her coat and scarf from the cloakroom
Which were draped over one arm her bag was in her hand
Linda stood with her back to me gazing out of the window
She could see my reflection in the glass and smiled
I gasped at the beauty of her and pinched myself again
I wanted to kiss her so much but I was afraid
Afraid to break the magic of that special kiss
That perfect moment when we kissed in the snow
All those years ago when I let her slip from my grasp
For 30 years I had revered that moment
Relived it whenever I felt a snowflake on my skin
Or stood in a taxi queue on a winters night
Or when I hear the Salvation Army play
Or when the snow falls during Christmas time
For 30 years I had wanted to be back there holding her in the snow
And here I stood a few steps away and I was hesitant
As if sensing my turmoil she turned away from the window
And I took those few steps to face her
We stood for a few moments just looking at each other
Then she smiled her most heart melting smile
As she caressed my cheek then she pulled me to her
And kissed me gently on the lips, a tender and sensitive kiss
When our lips met electricity ran down my spine
And it was as if we were young again
Our lips parted for a second then met again
And her kiss became more intense, more passionate
Her coat, scarf and bag fell to the floor as our arms enveloped each other
We stood locked in our passionate embrace as the tree lights twinkled
Then she pulled away for a moment before burying her face in my neck
And spoke softly in my ear “you see that was as good as the first time”
How could I have doubted it would not be perfect?
I slid my fingers beneath her hair caressing her nape
And gently turned her head so I could kiss her sweet lips again
This time when we disengaged she put her head on my chest
Still holding on to me so tightly
I kissed the top of her head and smelled her hair
I didn’t want to let her go, and then I said “please stay”
“I can’t watch you disappear from my life in another taxi”
She lifted her head and looked at me and said
“I’m not letting you go again, not now not ever”
Then she smiled at me coyly and blushed like a virgin
And buried her face in my chest again
Then she scooped up her coat, scarf and bag from the floor
Took my hand and we walked in silence to my room
Outside the room she looked into my eyes and kissed my mouth
Then I opened the door and let her walk inside
She dropped her coat and bag onto a chair and turned to face me
Reached up and wrapped her arms around my neck
And whispered in my ear “I never stopped loving you”
My arms enfolded her and pulled her to me tightly
Then we kissed at first soft and tender then more urgently
And I began to un-wrap my most special Christmas gift
Wrapped in lace and silk instead of paper and ribbon
Caressing her body from neck to Lacy stocking top
And our love was at last made absolute
When our act of love was complete and our dreams realized
We lay holding each other in the afterglow
Silently content until we drifted off to sleep
I awoke to find her stood silhouetted against the window
Gazing out wearing my shirt to cover her nakedness
She turned her head to me and said “it’s snowing”
I slipped out of bed joined her at the window
Standing behind her and enveloping her in my arms
We watched as the snow settled on the courtyard
She hugged my arms and said “How perfect is that”?
Both of us thinking back to the last time we enjoyed the snowfall together
We stood for a few minutes taking in the snowy scene
Then she inclined her head so I could kiss her
When my hands moved from her soft belly and cupped her breasts
She led me back to the bed and we made love again
I woke early and lay in the half light and held Linda’s sleeping form in my arms
As I lay there I thought how good the fates had been to us
If my car hadn’t broken down, and had I not rejected the idea of taking the train
I would not have been shopping on that cold grey morning
I thought about the moments I spent admiring that tree in the square
And listening to the Salvation Army band
And what thought processes made me do what I did
Was it destiny that I chose Woolworths at that very moment or just blind luck?
All I knew was that 24 hours before my life had been so empty
And now it was full and I was finally with my soul mate
Linda was in my life at last and I wanted her never to leave it again
But if fate decreed that this one special night
Was all we could have I would have to be content

CHRISTMAS LINDA PART 1 - BRIEF ENCOUNTER

Snow spattered, unseen, against the steamy glass
As the train rattled out of the station
It was a fairly crowded train, but not full
With weary shoppers, shopping bags bursting
And commuting workers the weeks work done
Journeying homeward at the dark days end
A cheerful crowd though
Pleased with themselves bright faced and hearty
Full of seasonal cheer anticipating the holiday
Seemingly oblivious to the drafty carriage
I sat alone and felt lifted by the quiet jolliness
Contemplating the collective countenance
Of the self satisfied passengers
Then she appeared and I was lifted higher
There she was larger than life vivacious and self assured
Covered with snowflakes and laughing to herself
My snow angel, with snow covering her like sugar on a doughnut
Wrapped up against the cold in a woolen hat and coat
And a long knitted scarf draped about her neck
She shook her head and her light brown hair danced about her shoulders
And the snowflakes melted away from her soft curls
There was a rosy redness on her cheeks
Almost matching the hue of her coat
Either from the cold winter evening or a liberal taste of Christmas spirit
A little of both probably
She made her way down the train between the seats
Leaving wet snowflakes in her wake
Full length coat swishing side to side
She moved almost gracelessly, which suited her well
As she tottered a little in her high boots
Perhaps due to the lurching motion of the train
Or the Christmas punch and eggnog
She was still laughing softly to herself which also suited so well
And then she saw me, and her eyes lit up like beacons
Those wonderful sparking laughing eyes
She stopped and stood momentarily open mouthed
Then her smile illuminated the carriage
My heart soared at the sight of her
I returned her smile and she flushed a little deeper red
It had been almost a year since I last saw her
My lovely lost love, Linda
I had locked all my feelings away but now they were back
Like a door had opened in my heart and they all rushed out
And I missed her so much I didn’t know just how much till that moment
We were never lovers, only ever friends
But very special friends very close friends though no more
We laughed a lot together, shared confidences
Best friends but no more than that,
Though I wanted more, so much more
But I didn’t want to lose what we had so I said nothing
I loved her so much, but she was not free for me to love
And Linda was not free to love me even if she wanted
So I contented myself with our special friendship
My unrequited love remained so
If that was all then better that than nothing
I was happy to love her unconditionally
Then circumstances changed, my father died
I had to move away and I didn’t see her again, until now
Now she was in front of me, my angel, larger than life
Smiling, blushing, laughing and so lovely
I stood up and smiled at her again
She threw herself at me and she hugged me so tight
I smelled her hair as I held her and was intoxicated by her scent
All the old feelings flooded back over whelming me
I had often dreamt of being reunited with her
But never in my wildest dreams had I expect such a reaction
Could it be my love was not unrequited?
We sat down on the lumpy seats in the rattling carriage
And were completely alone
We sat looking at each other not wanting to lose sight of one another
In case the spell were broken
She removed a glove and put her hand on mine
As if testing it was not a dream then she slipped her hand into mine
Her delicate fingers so small in my grasp
For the remainder of the journey we reveled in each other’s company
We caught up with the lost months filling in the gaps
Still oblivious to our companions
It was as if we had never been apart
Then the train shook to a halt as all too soon we had arrived
Our fellow travelers rushed off to their Christmases
Reluctantly we left our seats and disembarked arm in arm
Then hand in hand we walked slowly along the platform
Still talking and laughing and then out onto the street
Where the shops were now closing and the town was relatively quiet
From one pub Noddy Holder screamed “it’s Christmas” to the world
Only the pubs and restaurants seemed to hold any attraction to most
But we joined a small group gathered round the Salvation Army band
And joined in with the carol singing in the town square
Before strolling towards the taxi stand
As the snow again fell onto Linda’s soft curls
We took our place in the queue of travelers eager to be home
I was eager to be nowhere else but with her
I shuffled along for the last few steps like a sulky schoolboy
Smiling, Linda turned to face me and kissed me gently on the lips
Such a warm sensitive and tender kiss
When our lips parted she smiled at me coyly
And flushed a deep shade of pink
Then I kissed a snowflake off her nose
Cupping her flushed cheek in my palm I slid my fingers beneath her hair
Caressing the soft downy hair on her nape
And pulled her sweet lips to mine and returned her kiss
Her arms enveloped me holding me so close, so tightly
Not wanting to let go, not wanting to lose what we had found
Not wanting to lose me again
We stood locked in our embrace as the snow fell softly on the scene
She pulled away for a moment then buried her face in my neck
And spoke “I’ve missed you so much, I’ve missed your love for me”
I had waited so long for this moment waited so long to here those words
To hear my love returned and then we kissed again
Cabs arrived and departed through the slush
The queue around us just kept moving as if unaware of our love
After a while we moved from the queue sat on a bench and talked
My love was not unrequited after all she felt the same for me
She had always done so yet still she was not free
She was torn between the two of us
Torn between the comfortable familiarity for a good man
A loyal and dependable man, safety
And the passion she felt for a soul mate
It wasn’t fair on him he hadn’t done anything wrong
I had been on the receiving end of that kind of pain
And I found myself unable to inflict it onto another
So our love had to be a forbidden one
Best friends no more, I wanted more, so much more
And could not content myself with a special friendship
Now I knew my love was not unrequited
There was no going back, now Pandora’s Box had been opened
But at least now I knew she loved me
With the same depth as I loved her
We walked back to the taxi rank and kissed again in the snow
All too soon she got into a taxi
And through the winter wonderland departed taking my love with her
With her palm pressed against the glass she craned her neck to keep sight of me
Through the snow spattered window until the very last moment
Till the cab had gone out of sight
She was gone from my arms, gone from my view, gone from my life
But a Christmas happening had changed my life forever
A brief encounter, fleeting, here and then gone
Her scent still in my nostrils, the taste of joy on my lips
My soul mate gone forever, yet forever in my memory, forever in my heart
I would never see her again and moved away in the New Year
Making a life elsewhere but I never forgot her
And when on a winter’s night I hear the “Sally army” play
Or when the snow falls during Christmas time
Or I feel a snowflake on my skin
I feel her small hand in mine and then she is once again in my arms
And I smell her soft brown hair and the taste of her is on my lips
I hear her say “I love you” and she is mine forever

STUDENT PROTESTS

STUDENT PROTESTS # 1

Students should be applauded
We should stand and raise our glasses
To applaud the lazy, pretentious, self-absorbed wasters
For getting up off their collective arses

STUDENT PROTESTS # 2

Most of them missed an episode of countdown
Some left home halfway through cash in the attic
What could have stirred them from their apathy?
Something momentous or, earth shatteringly dramatic

Well sadly nothing noble or for the common good
It was just an excuse for them to break the law
The Nett result is an even greater burden on the public purse
Ensuring the next generation will pay even more

STUDENT PROTESTS # 3

I feel as a conservative voter
I must apologize to the young
Particularly those of the middle class
Whose university worries have really begun
As they now face an uncertain future
For when their student loans are spent
The cost of their degrees will make them
Ever so very slightly less affluent

STUDENT PROTESTS # 4

“It’s only right that the state should pay”
“Its society that benefits” you will hear them say
The overburdened tax payer has other ideas
The student’s plight is the least of his fears
“It’s them who benefit at the end of the day
So why on earth shouldn’t they pay their way?”
“It’s just so unfair to students who are poor”
Say the students doing medicine and law
It’s hard to sympathise when you hear that
When it’s coming from the mouth of a spoilt brat

BONFIRE NIGHT

ST CATHERINE’S WHEEL

On bonfire night
Across the land
Fireworks will be lit
By unthinking hand

And when you watch
The Catherine wheels
Spiral of fire
How do you feel?

Is it exiting to watch?
Does it inspire?
As it spins and spins
The wheel of fire

Catherine was a saint
Who died on the wheel
Didn’t you know?
Now how do you feel?

It was an instrument
Of torture and pain
Think about that
As it spins round again

BONFIRE NIGHT

Remember, remember
The fifth of November
When gunpowder smoke fills the air
What a quaintly British affair
Gathering with friends and family
And oohing and aahing with glee

The heat from the fire is hellish
As Hotdogs are eaten with relish
But as another hot chocolate you drink
If you took just a moment to think
Ask how such traditions thrive?
As you symbolically burn a man alive

REMEMBER, REMEMBER THE FIFTH OF NOVEMBER

Remember, remember the fifth of November
Gunpowder, treason and plot
For that was the day Guy Fawkes failed
To blow up the bloody lot

Love And Relationships # 3

DENISE, DENISE

Denise was a strawberry blonde
Beautiful and bubbly
Tall and statuesque
Built for comfort
Gloriously curvaceous
Big soft and round
Amply proportioned
Everywhere that was important
Her body was like a rollercoaster
You could never tire of riding
More exhilarating than a theme park ride
And more worthy of a queue
A breathtaking experience
A quivering delight
Of erotic pleasure

DRAB DOREEN

My memory takes me back
To a time when I was young
And I was pleasurably distracted by Doreen
Dear Doreen who people rather unkindly called plain
True her face was heavily freckled
And she rarely wore any makeup
But her eyes were the most dazzling blue and always smiled
Her hair was straight and chestnut brown
She was a skinny little thing and flat chested
But with the most exquisite bottom
I don’t know why people thought her plain
Maybe it’s because Doreen is a plain sounding name
I know one thing that is true
They would never have called her plain
If they had seen her in the bedroom

LOVE AT ITS ZENITH

She looked at me
With those wondrous eyes
Mysterious bright blue eyes,
That could see inside my soul
Then she gave me one of her smiles,
A truly amazing smile
That says hold me close,
Kiss me, stroke my hair,
You’ll never have too miss me.
Then we embraced
A wonderful sensual embrace
Where we seem to merge into one entity
Then as we part she smiles another smile,
Which speaks another language,
And she leads me off to bed
Where we melt together in passionate congress
And love reaches its zenith
Afterwards in the afterglow
She wears contentment on her face
And her cheek bares a rosy blush
As she lies draped across me
Like a robe of exquisite silk
I love it when she lies beside me in bed,
I love her breath on my skin
And the smell of her hair
But most of all
I love her loving me

THE CUTE RED HEAD

I sit in the beer garden
Not because I wanted a drink
Or because it was a nice day
But because I wanted to see her
I didn’t know her name
I just knew her as the cute red head
The girl with the open smiling face
And the full bountiful lips
Jade green eyes, and of course the red hair
I’m really rather sad
To come to the same ghastly pub,
To drink luke warm beer each day
Just for a glimpse of an angel

FIONA

I first met Fiona at a Christmas party
A beautiful woman in a young girl’s body
Fiona was far more mature than her years
And she chose me that night
Despite a host of more suitable suitors
And we danced into the night
Her firm body pressed against mine
Her intoxicating scent enveloping me
Arms clinging tightly to me
Her breath against my neck
In full view of envious eyes
And later in passionate embrace
Just the two of us in the darkness
As I kissed her goodnight

TOMBOY

Hey pretty girl, yes I’m talking to you
Don’t think you can keep hidden from view
You may try to hide in your tomboy guise
But I can see you; I can see the hidden prize
You may dress in oversized jeans and a baggy T
And try to hide yourself in shapeless anonymity
But I can see the real you beneath the scruffy hair
I can see the pretty girl who’s hiding in there
You’ll come out soon and everyone will see
The girl inside the tomboy who will marry me

OF COURSE, YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU

Of course, you know I love you
And how much you mean to me
Of course you must know
It must be plain for you to see

Ok It's not every day that I tell you
And I would if I didn’t think you knew
It’s obvious so you must know
Exactly how much I love you

I know I don’t say it in so many words
Ok I don’t ever say it to you
But that just because I thought you knew
How much I’m in love with you

FLUFFY AND SWEET

We were an innocent couple,
We were naively sweet
Fluffy and soft
Embarking on a great love
We were an unremarkable couple
Just a couple of lovebirds
Sharing secrets, passing notes
We were an uncomplicated couple
I loved her and she loved me
And we just wanted to hold hands
And always be together
Fluffy and sweet,
Coyly smiling
Making wishes
And stealing kisses
We were an unbreakable couple
When we were seven

Love And Relationships # 2

VITAL STATISTICS

I don’t want gimcrack
I don’t want a big rack
I don’t mind frumpy
Though I’m not keen on grumpy
She can have an ordinary face
And two left feet and lack any grace
I don’t even care about her age
And her favourite colour can be beige
I don’t care if she wears specs
But I do want a girl with self respect
And inside a beautiful spirit
That’s the type of girl who’ll fit

THE WAY INTO MY HEART

The way into my heart
Is not with silver or gold
Nor money or jewels
Or five star dining
Expensive sports cars
And holidays abroad
It’s nothing of material worth

The way into my heart
Is a gesture of kindness
An unselfish act
You holding my hand
And gazing into my eyes
It’s a gentle caress
It’s simply being you

ANNIE’S SONG

You were so self conscious
Yet you never saw the beauty in yourself
The beautiful brunette hair
That framed your lovely face
Which you thought lank and lifeless
Your fabulous legs that so often were hidden away
Which you thought were unsightly and fat
Your intoxicating laugh
That you heard as a cackle
The tiny scar on your cheek,
That went red when you drank too much
We could only see it if you pointed it out
You always thought yourself ordinary
Nothing could have been further from the truth
You were beauty personified
And my biggest regret
Is that I missed my chance
I dithered and dawdled
And I lost you to another

HOW DO I KNOW I’M IN YOUR HEART?

How do I know I’m in your heart?
It’s feeling your hand in mine
And hearing your sighs
It’s a knowing smile on your face
A glance with libidinous eyes
And a maidens blush
It’s being close to you
Being alone with you
Even in a crowd
It’s every look and gesture
It’s in every nuance
Every unsaid word
That tells me I’m in your heart

POTHERING

He was in such a pother
Such was the lot of the suitor
For he was to ask for his lady’s hand
Well that was what he had planned
But he was in such a nervous state
He couldn’t get his head straight
He was sure she would be receptive
But signs can be deceptive
So he resolved to do what was planned
And ask for his lady’s hand
Although to be perfectly fare
He was more interested in the rest of her

A THOUSAND MIRRORED FRAGMENTS

The special love we once shared
Has gone forever, disintegrated
Smashed into a thousand pieces
Impossible to reassemble, beyond repair
Shattered into a thousand mirrored fragments
Each piece reflecting back another painfully memory
Stabbing at my heart like hot needles
Each shard a reminder of your betrayal

SCANNING THE ROOM

A rather tall, elegant woman
Entered the room
And made a quick appraisal
Of those in her presence
The look she gave my way
Needed no vocalization
She had no need to say “ugh”
The look made redundant
Any need of an exclamation of disgust
The haughty expression
And the inclination of her head,
The involuntary sneer
Spoke volumes as to her disposition
Which was fine by me
Because I liked the look of her mate

BURNING LOVE

Emblazoned on my heart
Seared into my soul
The fire of love burns within
Please don’t extinguish
This fire in my soul
Don’t add another scar
To my tortured heart
Scar upon vivid scar
Keep the embers aglow
Let our love forever burn

OH CLAIR

10cc’s “I’m not in love” was playing
And our bodies were gently swaying
Meaningless words because we were in love
I was the hand and Clair was the glove
Our bodies moved together as if we were one
Still together long after the song was done
Our lips came together our hands caressed
Swaying to the music our bodies tight pressed
Clair and I at the disco kissing in the dark
Later under the moon we made love in the park

PLAYING AROUND

She was my little sex kitten
Lively and playful
Very kittenish indeed
I had long hankered after her
With her Reassuring curvaceousness
And the feeling was apparently mutual.
She had a liking for the open air
And a penchant for the dangerous
So while her husband played 18 holes
We played around
And made love in the long grass
Beside the eighteenth green

Love And Relationships # 1

UXORICIDE

When did the love die?
At what moment
Did love turn to odium
Was it that, once too often
He smelt the stench
Of ardours odour upon her
The smell of another man
On her clothes,
On her skin
That made him snap
Making him commit uxoricide
Snuffing out the life
Of his unfaithful wife

LONELY GIRL

They call you lonely girl
Because you are a girl
And you are always alone
But are you really a lonely girl?
Or are you happy where you are?
Living inside yourself
Alone and self contained
Are you content to be alone?
Defying us all for our conceit
Do you look upon us?
Thinking us odd for our neediness
Needing to be noticed
Needing to be wanted
Needing to love and be loved
They call you lonely girl
And await the day
When your abject unhappiness
Will cause you to merely fade away
Out of your lonely existence
Or for you to succumb to the solitude
And end your bitter life
Dying as you lived, alone
But you don’t look sad
Nor unhappy with your lot
You look serene and at peace
So be content, lonely girl

LITTLE ANGEL

I am in love with a little angel
Who I see at the bus stop each day
It’s been more than a year now
But I can never find the words to say

And if I could, should I say them?
Or should I keep my feelings to myself
Never speaking my love aloud
And spend my lifetime on the shelf

Maybe some day I will tell her
Of the deep love that I conceal
But I think that she will laugh at me
If I dared to tell her how I feel.

So each morning I will smile
At my sweet angel so petite
And not speak to her of love
But stare nervously at my feet

WHENEVER YOU FEEL SAD AND LONELY

Whenever you feel sad and lonely
And the days are cold and grey
Think of me and the love we had
That filled our hearts each day

Whenever you feel life get you down
And you feel alone and scared
Think of me and the love we had
And the happy moments that we shared

Whenever you feel you can’t go on
And you feel weighed down with pain
Picture me standing at your side
And you will feel strong again

Whenever you feel sad and lonely
And the days are cold and grey
Just remember what I told you
I’m with you in spirit every day

DELIRIUM

I have been struck down by delirium
I am restless and unable to focus
I try to read a book
And read the same paragraph repeatedly
I am in a state of confusion
One minute I am sure of something
The next moment I’m not
And sometimes I hallucinate
I think I see something or someone
I’ve looked it up online
I have all the symptoms of delirium
But none of the causes
I don’t have a fever
Nor have I been poisoned
And I’m pretty sure
I don’t have a brain injury
No I have to face facts
I either have a brain tumour
Or I’m in love
I don’t know which is worse

BLISS

When we are apart
I love the way you miss me
And when we reunite
I love the way you kiss me
You love, care and nurture me
You can’t do more than this for me
I give my heart and soul to you
I love you oh so blissfully

QUEEN OF THE SPANISH MAIN

Like a buccaneer
Sailing the Spanish main
The vivacious creature
Swept into my life
And like a pirate
Went for my treasure trove
Pillaging my heart
And stealing it away
Leaving my soul in chains
And my coffers empty

I SAW YOU IN A DIFFERENT LIGHT TODAY

I saw you in a different light today
A dazzling light of femininity
You were not the normal little tomboy
In the cargo pants and baggy “T”

The usual beaten up old trainers
Had been replaced by four inch heals
Which shaped your normally hidden legs
Whose black clad debut certainly appealed

The sheer black of your stocking-ed legs
Disappeared beneath the tailored hem
Of a skirt that fitted hitherto, unknown curves
Accentuating hips, thighs and of course them

Tucked into the tiniest of waistbands
Was a crisp white blouse tailored to fit
Buttoned at the wrist and open at the neck
Three undone buttons so that it gaped a bit

I saw you in a different light today
Where you emerged from tomboy obscurity
Causing heads to turn and eyes to stare
And thoughts were those of impurity

LOVER’S MOON

The night was of crystal clarity
No clouds obscured the stars
A new moon graced the sky
And the lover’s moon was ours

A shooting star crossed the sky
And we both made a wish
Then I held you in embrace
And we shared our first kiss

THE DAWN OF UNDERSTANDING

Dawn was a Glaswegian lassie
With the broadest accent
Which made it difficult when she spoke
To understand what was meant
This was exacerbated
By a lisp and a stutter
And because she didn’t open her mouth very wide
She had a tendency to mutter
As a result I couldn’t understand her
Apart from when she said yes or no
But despite all of that
We went out for three months or so