New Year Bits

NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION

If you have decided
You are overweight
And a diet is the solution
If you have decided
This should be
Your New Year’s resolution
Just listen to these facts
For just a moment
And then digest the information

Of all the people in Britain
There are more over weight people
Than there are average weight people
So overweight people
Are now the new average weight people
So job done, you have reached your target
You are no longer overweight
You have kept your New Years resolution
Have a cake to celebrate

JANUARY BLUES

I hate the month of January
Every single day from New Years day
To the 31st day
I hate the month of January
With every fibre of my being
You may say it’s just the January blues
That colours my views
But it’s much deeper than that.
It’s always such a long depressing month
With dreary weather and miserable people
It’s the inevitable aftermath
That follows a joyful Christmas
Its going back to work to the same depressing job
You so happily left behind you on Christmas Eve
It’s the empty bank account
And the look ahead at the five long weeks till payday
Its New Years resolutions and not keeping them
I hate the month of January
From day one, new years day
With it’s reminder of things to come
Another bloody awful year ahead
January fills me with dread

OLD YEARS NIGHT

My wife is an optimist
Which is why, she stays up
On New Years Eve
To see in the new one

I am by nature a pessimist
Which means, that I stay up
On New Years Eve
To make sure the old one has gone