A Little Bit Of Humour # 85

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 359

Hickory, dickory, dock
The mouse ran up the clock
Which was unusual to find
A rodent interested
In chronology

ARE YOU WEARING A CAPE?

Are you wearing a cape?
A super hero’s shoulder drape
But you’re not a caped crusader
You’re a substitute teacher

IF YOUR BLIND DATE IS DESCRIBED TO YOU # 7

If your blind date is described to you
As “a Poet” don’t go all romantic
Because it will be worse than it sounds
And they’ll be a depressive Schizophrenic

LIFE’S VEXATIONS # 5

There is nothing that annoys me more
Than the elevator stopping on every floor
No one gets on or off which irks me treble
In fact it’s annoying on more than one level

FALLING IN LOVE IS LIKE POETRY

Falling in love is like poetry
But when she no longer calls
Don’t start writing her number
On every single toilet wall

THE GENERAL CONSENSUS

The general consensus
Is that it is inappropriate
To spank a child, and rightly so
Therefore with my own children
And grandchildren for that matter
I adopted a different tack
Whenever one of the little darlings
Goes into “meltdown”
I take the unhappy child
For a ride in the car
Where I find it possible to talk to them
Some say it's the cars vibration
Or the rhythm of the vehicle
Or maybe it’s just escaping
The modern day gadgets
Whatever it is I always find
A twenty minute car ride
With them tied to the roof rack
Always does the trick

AN OSTRICH'S EYE IS BIGGER

An ostrich's eye is bigger
Than its brain, apparently
I have known quite a few
People afflicted similarly

DON’T COMPARE YOURSELF TO OTHERS

Don’t compare yourself to others,
Whatever else you might do
Because in all probability
They’re more screwed up than you

MY BROTHER HAS BEEN SEEING A PSYCHIATRIST

My brother has been seeing a psychiatrist
He pays one hundred pounds a time
And he’s been doing it for bloody years
I think he must be out of his tiny mind

MY YOUNGER SISTER HAS SOME HABITS

My younger sister has some habits
That expose her to certain dangers
One of which is her innate ability
To annoy complete strangers

GEORGE WASHINGTON CHOPPED DOWN

George Washington chopped down
His father's favourite cherry tree,
Then George admitted doing it
He was rewarded for his honesty
When his father didn't punish him
Well those are the accepted facts
But I think we should consider
That George was still holding the ax

THE ONLY CUTTING EDGE THAT

The only cutting edge that
Gets sharper through life
The more it’s been used
Is the tongue of my wife