My brother has a new lady
She’s very nice but no
beauty
Tall and slim with a
nice figure
She definitely pulls
his trigger
He is besotted with
her sadly
And he dotes on her
quite madly
He calls her his
little hollyhock
While we all call her
Bob Foc
As she has a Body Off
Baywatch
And a Face Off
Crimewatch
The upstairs flat has been sublet
Above our local
patisserie
To an attractive young
woman
Who wears exotic
lingerie
Her pursuits are in
nature erotic
Ok she’s a prostitute
I will admit
But there are
advantages to this
As you can eat your cake
and have it
I thank you
For your love
I thank you
For your smile
I bless you
For your heart
And for being there
When I dial
God bless you
For your friendship
I was out for a walk
Just round and about
When I saw in a doorway
An old down and out
Drinking brake fluid
From an old tin cup
I stood for a moment
And watched him sup
“If that stuff kills you
That would be a crime”
“Don’t worry” said he
“I can stop anytime”
When my wife was pregnant
I was told I must be there
Smoking cigars with the lads
Was never on the cards I fear
I had never been fascinated
With childbirth I must declare
Waiting for the time for that bag
Of screaming giblets to appear
“I’m not going down the business end
I’ll just hold your hand dear”
But when you’re in the room
The event fills you with cheer
And when my son entered the world
I shed more than a little tear
A successful man is one who makes
More money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can
Find such a husband to
apprehend
He must return every time school ends
To the bosom of the
family Dursley
Where he must while
away the time
With only an old owl
for company
He waited for word
from his chums
For news of some
adventure to be had
But they were having
too much fun
To spare a thought for
the lonely lad
Hermione was feeling a
little ginger
Where the Weasley
family dwell
Riding Ron like a
nimbus
Until he screamed out
“bloody hell”
Madam Maxime was spanking
Hagrid
And covering his
genitals in paint
While Neville was with
Ginny
Who held his wand and
made him faint
Professor McGonagall
morphed into a cat
Then curled up on
Dumbledore’s lap
Draco Malfoy wore
women’s underwear
As he played with his
old chap
Madam Pomfrey played
doctors and nurses
With Minister
Cornelius Fudge
And Rita Skeeter tied
up young Nigel
So tight that he
couldn’t budge
Madeye Moody had his
meat and two veg
Handled by Pomona
Sprout
So deftly did she
manipulate him
That his good eye
nearly popped out
Seamus played with
Cornish pixies
Where Goblin meant
something more
And the Patil girls
made up a threesome
With the demure Fleur
Delacour
Goyle and Crabbe liked
to be beaten
And over a desk they
were bent
Though Filius Flitwick
had to stand on a box
To mete out their
punishment
Unwanted Harry sat
alone in his room
Pining for his young
love Cho
And was finally forced
to seek solace
Where the sad and the
lonely go
He sought out the
purveyors of sex
Looking for some
company
At a place frequented
by Filch and Snape
On a street called Ven
Ally
But he contracted the
vilest irritation
On his most intimate
patch
After consorting with
a cut price bludger
At a place called the
“Golden snatch”
If he had not been so
cheap
And not chosen such a
dirty little witch
He would have had his
carnal pleasures
Without catching the
dreaded quid itch
