I BOUGHT A PRESENT FOR MY WIFE
I bought a present for my wife
Which cause us to have a fight
It was an enlightening book entitled
“I was wrong and he was right”
I’VE ENROLLED MY WIFE # 3
I’ve enrolled my wife
On an evening class
Which should be simple
And not difficult to pass
It deals with the differences
She will have to face
Between a normal handbag
And a bloody Suitcase
AUGUST EXPECTATIONS FADE
August expectations fade and this season
My team has once again failed to impress
Our end of season video will once again
Be in the shops in time for Christmas
CHRISTMAS KEBAB
I love a Kebab at Christmas
More than any other time of year
Their infinite variety of fillings
Fills me with Christmas cheer
You don’t have to eat the same
Stereotypical stuffed pitta
Apart from Donner you can have
Comet, Cupid, Dancer and Dasher
I’VE ENROLLED MY SON # 1
I’ve enrolled my son
On an evening class
Using the brakes without
Giving passengers whiplash
A BRIGHT OUTLOOK
I woke up this morning
In the early morning light
I looked in the mirror
And not a wrinkle in sight
My wife, who was sleeping
Soundly in our bed
Now looked like
Sandra Bullock instead
The house looked neat
The garden looked tidy
So I should have gone
To Specsavers obviously
I’VE ENROLLED MY DAUGHTER # 2
I’ve enrolled my Daughter
On the perfect class for her
Learning basic skills to hone
Like shopping on her own
IF YOU ARE OUT CAROL SINGING
If you are out Carol Singing
And you dry during the song
Just stop and Take a deep breath
Then Keep calm and Carol on
I’VE ENROLLED MY SON # 2
I’ve enrolled my son
On an evening class for
Learning how to dry towels
By not leaving them on the floor
NEVER MIX THE GRAPE AND THE GRAIN
Never mix the grape and the grain
My Dad always said to me
And his inference was quite plain
Mixing them would be silly
Well now I think he was insane
They mix perfectly in my muesli
Friday 10 January 2014
A Little Bit Of Humour # 36
I’VE ENROLLED MY WIFE # 1
I’ve enrolled my wife
On an evening class, so that
She can learn how
To adjust the thermostat
ARE YOU WEARING EAR MUFFS?
Are you wearing ear muffs?
Sorry but that’s how it appears
After all how was I to know?
That you have cauliflower ears
DO I HAVE A PET NAME FOR MY WIFE?
Do I have a pet name for my wife?
Yes, I like to call her Bambi, chum
Because she’s cute and clumsy
And I’d like to shoot her mum
I’VE ENROLLED MY WIFE # 2
I’ve enrolled my wife
On an evening class
So she will learn how to
Start a conversation
During the commercials
In the same way I do
CHURCH CONTROVERSY
At our church there is
Something of a controversy
In regards to when a foetus
Can be considered a baby
A few of us believe that
An unborn foetus in Surrey
Only becomes viable when
It has graduated university
I DON’T MEAN TO GO INTO A PANIC
I don’t mean to go into a panic
Or cause a massive fuss
But there are now only twelve
Shoplifting days until Christmas
I’VE ENROLLED MY HUSBAND # 1
I’ve enrolled my Husband,
To make his skills complete
On an evening class
About how to work the toilet seat
ARE YOU WEARING A MUFF?
Are you wearing a muff?
It’s like a big ball of fluff
Is it to keep your hands warm?
That you wear that muff?
Or is it a hiding place, for
When you’ve knicked stuff
MY WIFE LOVES EXCHANGING PRESENTS
My wife loves exchanging presents
Happily amidst the Christmas cheer
In fact she enjoys it so very much
She exchanges my gift every year
I’VE ENROLLED MY DAUGHTER # 1
I’ve enrolled my daughter in a class
Which caused her to exclaim
It was on Paralleled Parking
Which is quite a simple aim
Preferably in less than an hour
And without an Insurance Claim
I’ve enrolled my wife
On an evening class, so that
She can learn how
To adjust the thermostat
ARE YOU WEARING EAR MUFFS?
Are you wearing ear muffs?
Sorry but that’s how it appears
After all how was I to know?
That you have cauliflower ears
DO I HAVE A PET NAME FOR MY WIFE?
Do I have a pet name for my wife?
Yes, I like to call her Bambi, chum
Because she’s cute and clumsy
And I’d like to shoot her mum
I’VE ENROLLED MY WIFE # 2
I’ve enrolled my wife
On an evening class
So she will learn how to
Start a conversation
During the commercials
In the same way I do
CHURCH CONTROVERSY
At our church there is
Something of a controversy
In regards to when a foetus
Can be considered a baby
A few of us believe that
An unborn foetus in Surrey
Only becomes viable when
It has graduated university
I DON’T MEAN TO GO INTO A PANIC
I don’t mean to go into a panic
Or cause a massive fuss
But there are now only twelve
Shoplifting days until Christmas
I’VE ENROLLED MY HUSBAND # 1
I’ve enrolled my Husband,
To make his skills complete
On an evening class
About how to work the toilet seat
ARE YOU WEARING A MUFF?
Are you wearing a muff?
It’s like a big ball of fluff
Is it to keep your hands warm?
That you wear that muff?
Or is it a hiding place, for
When you’ve knicked stuff
MY WIFE LOVES EXCHANGING PRESENTS
My wife loves exchanging presents
Happily amidst the Christmas cheer
In fact she enjoys it so very much
She exchanges my gift every year
I’VE ENROLLED MY DAUGHTER # 1
I’ve enrolled my daughter in a class
Which caused her to exclaim
It was on Paralleled Parking
Which is quite a simple aim
Preferably in less than an hour
And without an Insurance Claim
Tuesday 3 December 2013
The Busby Babes
CALLOUS UNITED – BLANCHFLOWER AND BERRY
Manchester United’s
Callous attitude
So cold and harsh
Towards the survivors
Beggared belief
And was never more
Keenly felt than when,
They could no longer play
Jackie Blanchflower
And fellow survivor Berry
Were forced to vacate
The homes they lived in
THE BUSBY BABES - THE HOLLYWOOD OF BRITISH FOOTBALL
Bright lights
Shining like stars
In the twinkling
Football firmament
Sparkling lights
From gritty towns
In the shadow of the
Dark satanic mills
Shining out from
Industrial heartlands
Like beacons
Bright lights of youth
Illuminating the lives
Of the terraced fans
Young men from the dark
Industrial landscapes
Youth’s bright flames
Snuffed out
In the snows of Munich
THE HERO OF MUNICH
In the wake of tragedy
Harry Gregg arose
And with no thought
Of himself
Pulled survivors
From the burning plane
Assisted latterly
By Bill Foulkes
Though he thought
His action unremarkable
George Best, said of him
“Bravery is one thing
But what Harry did
Was about more than bravery.
It was about goodness”
CALLOUS UNITED - GREGG AND FOULKES
Manchester United’s
Callous attitude
So cold and harsh
Towards the survivors
Beggared belief
And was never more
Keenly felt than when,
Only days after
The Munich Disaster
Gregg and Foulkes,
Though traumatised
And grieving and feeling
The guilt of the survivor
Were forced to play
Afterwards Harry Gregg
And Bill Foulkes
Forced to play too soon
With the guilt of the survivor
Sat in the dressing room
Staring with empty eyes
A MARK OF RESPECT – ARE YOU LISTENING LEEDS UTD
In the aftermath of Munich
All of football felt the loss
In an altogether more
Caring and respectful time
When fans of all teams
Out of respect, wore black
And stadia were universally quiet
IN TRAGEDIES WAKE – MUNICH 1958
At Old Trafford
In tragedies wake
In the eerie quiet
The terraces echoed
The mournful silence
And even the empty
Seats shed tears
For The busby babes
JOHN "JACKIE" BLANCHFLOWER (7 MARCH 1933 – 2 SEPTEMBER 1998)
Nicknamed "Twiggy"
John "Jackie" Blanchflower
Survived the wreckage
Amidst the snows of Munich
Though the crash didn’t end his life
It did bring his footballing career
To an untimely end
GO NOW BILL
WILLIAM ANTHONY "BILL" FOULKES - (5 JANUARY 1932 – 25 NOVEMBER 2013)
Go now Bill
Lay down the captain’s armband
You’ve earned your rest
Our tower of strength
Straight backed
Rugged and dependable
Take your place
Among your equals
And be at peace
Your strong facade
Oft betrayed
By sadness in your eyes
The sadness of survival
So go now Bill
And join the babes
You’ve missed so much
And take your place
Among immortals
JOHN JAMES "JOHNNY" BERRY (1 JUNE 1926 – 16 SEPTEMBER 1994)
The Forgotten Babe
John James "Johnny" Berry
Survived the wreckage
Amidst the snows of Munich
Though the crash didn’t end his life
He never played again
Manchester United’s
Callous attitude
So cold and harsh
Towards the survivors
Beggared belief
And was never more
Keenly felt than when,
They could no longer play
Jackie Blanchflower
And fellow survivor Berry
Were forced to vacate
The homes they lived in
THE BUSBY BABES - THE HOLLYWOOD OF BRITISH FOOTBALL
Bright lights
Shining like stars
In the twinkling
Football firmament
Sparkling lights
From gritty towns
In the shadow of the
Dark satanic mills
Shining out from
Industrial heartlands
Like beacons
Bright lights of youth
Illuminating the lives
Of the terraced fans
Young men from the dark
Industrial landscapes
Youth’s bright flames
Snuffed out
In the snows of Munich
THE HERO OF MUNICH
In the wake of tragedy
Harry Gregg arose
And with no thought
Of himself
Pulled survivors
From the burning plane
Assisted latterly
By Bill Foulkes
Though he thought
His action unremarkable
George Best, said of him
“Bravery is one thing
But what Harry did
Was about more than bravery.
It was about goodness”
CALLOUS UNITED - GREGG AND FOULKES
Manchester United’s
Callous attitude
So cold and harsh
Towards the survivors
Beggared belief
And was never more
Keenly felt than when,
Only days after
The Munich Disaster
Gregg and Foulkes,
Though traumatised
And grieving and feeling
The guilt of the survivor
Were forced to play
Afterwards Harry Gregg
And Bill Foulkes
Forced to play too soon
With the guilt of the survivor
Sat in the dressing room
Staring with empty eyes
A MARK OF RESPECT – ARE YOU LISTENING LEEDS UTD
In the aftermath of Munich
All of football felt the loss
In an altogether more
Caring and respectful time
When fans of all teams
Out of respect, wore black
And stadia were universally quiet
IN TRAGEDIES WAKE – MUNICH 1958
At Old Trafford
In tragedies wake
In the eerie quiet
The terraces echoed
The mournful silence
And even the empty
Seats shed tears
For The busby babes
JOHN "JACKIE" BLANCHFLOWER (7 MARCH 1933 – 2 SEPTEMBER 1998)
Nicknamed "Twiggy"
John "Jackie" Blanchflower
Survived the wreckage
Amidst the snows of Munich
Though the crash didn’t end his life
It did bring his footballing career
To an untimely end
GO NOW BILL
WILLIAM ANTHONY "BILL" FOULKES - (5 JANUARY 1932 – 25 NOVEMBER 2013)
Go now Bill
Lay down the captain’s armband
You’ve earned your rest
Our tower of strength
Straight backed
Rugged and dependable
Take your place
Among your equals
And be at peace
Your strong facade
Oft betrayed
By sadness in your eyes
The sadness of survival
So go now Bill
And join the babes
You’ve missed so much
And take your place
Among immortals
JOHN JAMES "JOHNNY" BERRY (1 JUNE 1926 – 16 SEPTEMBER 1994)
The Forgotten Babe
John James "Johnny" Berry
Survived the wreckage
Amidst the snows of Munich
Though the crash didn’t end his life
He never played again
Tales of Love # 11
YOUR EMBRACE IS LIKE A VELVET CLOAK
Your embrace is like a velvet cloak
Enveloping me in love
As you speak to my soul
And burn into my heart a perfect love
YOUR SERPENT HIPS
Your serpent hips
And slender limbs
The glow and lustre
On your skin
In the half light
Of the afterglow
Beyond the bliss
And read the smile
On each other’s lips
SNOWFLAKES FALL STEADILY
Snowflakes fall steadily
As the wind blows
Laying deeper and deeper
As her progress slows
Knee deep she trudged
Through the deep snows
So I go and rescue her
From out of the snows
To get her safe indoors
Out of the snows
Though not for kindness
Heaven only knows
It was to get her out
Of her ho ho hose
SHE’S TICKING ALL THE BOXES
“She’s ticking all the boxes”
I thought to myself
When I first laid eyes on her
But of course she wasn’t perfect
That would have been a claim too far
Then when we spoke, at length
More boxes were checked
But again she fell short of the summit
But then who wants perfection
Which is in reality subjective
I have met girls in my life
Slightly more than ordinary
But thought themselves perfect
And others nearly perfect
And thought themselves ordinary
This girl was as close to it
As I had ever come
Or wanted to come
For if she was to be flawless
That would be unnatural
As well as undesirable
For it’s in the imperfections
Where character lies
LIKE DRIFTWOOD YOU FLOATED INTO MY LIFE
Like driftwood you floated into my life
As I cruised upon a calm blue sea
Your presence stirred the peaceful waters
And turned my outlook squally
But though we blow from storm to storm
I still believe you rescued me
IF YOU WERE AN ISLAND
If you were an island
Set in a clear blue sea
Dressed with palm trees
Stirred by the scented breeze
With sun soaked beaches
Of coral white
I would be the gentle waves
Washing over them
TWO CASTAWAYS
Two castaways
Washed up together
Like flotsam and jetsam
The floating wreckage
Of their failed loves
And from the driftwood
Of their own detritus
And broken remnants
Of previous vessels
They manage to build
A new ship of love
I WAS READY, WITHOUT A DOUBT
I was ready, without a doubt
Ready for the one
I was set on the start line
Heart beating at the run
Then bang!
Went loves starting gun
Your embrace is like a velvet cloak
Enveloping me in love
As you speak to my soul
And burn into my heart a perfect love
YOUR SERPENT HIPS
Your serpent hips
And slender limbs
The glow and lustre
On your skin
In the half light
Of the afterglow
Beyond the bliss
And read the smile
On each other’s lips
SNOWFLAKES FALL STEADILY
Snowflakes fall steadily
As the wind blows
Laying deeper and deeper
As her progress slows
Knee deep she trudged
Through the deep snows
So I go and rescue her
From out of the snows
To get her safe indoors
Out of the snows
Though not for kindness
Heaven only knows
It was to get her out
Of her ho ho hose
SHE’S TICKING ALL THE BOXES
“She’s ticking all the boxes”
I thought to myself
When I first laid eyes on her
But of course she wasn’t perfect
That would have been a claim too far
Then when we spoke, at length
More boxes were checked
But again she fell short of the summit
But then who wants perfection
Which is in reality subjective
I have met girls in my life
Slightly more than ordinary
But thought themselves perfect
And others nearly perfect
And thought themselves ordinary
This girl was as close to it
As I had ever come
Or wanted to come
For if she was to be flawless
That would be unnatural
As well as undesirable
For it’s in the imperfections
Where character lies
LIKE DRIFTWOOD YOU FLOATED INTO MY LIFE
Like driftwood you floated into my life
As I cruised upon a calm blue sea
Your presence stirred the peaceful waters
And turned my outlook squally
But though we blow from storm to storm
I still believe you rescued me
IF YOU WERE AN ISLAND
If you were an island
Set in a clear blue sea
Dressed with palm trees
Stirred by the scented breeze
With sun soaked beaches
Of coral white
I would be the gentle waves
Washing over them
TWO CASTAWAYS
Two castaways
Washed up together
Like flotsam and jetsam
The floating wreckage
Of their failed loves
And from the driftwood
Of their own detritus
And broken remnants
Of previous vessels
They manage to build
A new ship of love
I WAS READY, WITHOUT A DOUBT
I was ready, without a doubt
Ready for the one
I was set on the start line
Heart beating at the run
Then bang!
Went loves starting gun
Christmas 2013 Selection Box # 2
EVERY YEAR WITHOUT FAIL - FROSTY
Every year without fail
On Christmas Eve
It would appear
And we children
Would squeal out
A deafening cheer
When the source
Of our excitement
Was carefully set down
And we would sit
In our clean pajama’s
And dressing gown
And stare at the object
Open mouthed
In gleeful expectation
Of what was beneath
The cotton wool and
Crepe paper creation
We would have to wait
The longest time
In anticipation
But it was worth it
Too see inside the belly
Of Frosty’s incarnation
And when we thought
We could wait no longer
We all jumped to our feet
As Dad slowly removed
The carrot faced head
And revealed the treats
And as Dad gave Frosty
A little shake, out spilled
The Christmas sweets
MY BROTHER WAS FIVE YEARS MY SENIOR
My brother was five years my senior
So he always led me astray
He took me on a hunt every December
Leading up to Christmas day
To find the presents that mum and dad
Had cunningly stashed away
LONG RED SOCKS
Long red socks hanging from the chimney
One sock for you and another sock for me
And this time next year we will hang three
RED SOCKS
Long red socks
And Christmas frocks
A sprig of mistletoe
That’s Christmas ho ho ho
HAND KNITTED GLOVES
Hand knitted gloves
Scarves and hats
Novelty slippers
A book of cricket stats
Soap on a rope
Hankies and socks
These are examples
Of my Christmas box
JOYFULNESS
Joyfulness
On high
Yeshua is born
For all mankind
Unconditional
Love for the world
THE PIPES OF CHRISTMAS PAST
The pipes of Christmas past
Carry with every merry blast
Seasonal joy, when they play
Their tunes of Christmas day
I AM BLESSED WITH FRIENDS AT CHRISTMAS
I am blessed with Friends
Some of them are fruity
Some are soaked in alcohol
Some of them are nutty
Some are sweet
Some add spice
Some add zest
Some smell nice
But when mixed together
And yuletide is upon us
They become without doubt
The fruit cake of Christmas
Every year without fail
On Christmas Eve
It would appear
And we children
Would squeal out
A deafening cheer
When the source
Of our excitement
Was carefully set down
And we would sit
In our clean pajama’s
And dressing gown
And stare at the object
Open mouthed
In gleeful expectation
Of what was beneath
The cotton wool and
Crepe paper creation
We would have to wait
The longest time
In anticipation
But it was worth it
Too see inside the belly
Of Frosty’s incarnation
And when we thought
We could wait no longer
We all jumped to our feet
As Dad slowly removed
The carrot faced head
And revealed the treats
And as Dad gave Frosty
A little shake, out spilled
The Christmas sweets
MY BROTHER WAS FIVE YEARS MY SENIOR
My brother was five years my senior
So he always led me astray
He took me on a hunt every December
Leading up to Christmas day
To find the presents that mum and dad
Had cunningly stashed away
LONG RED SOCKS
Long red socks hanging from the chimney
One sock for you and another sock for me
And this time next year we will hang three
RED SOCKS
Long red socks
And Christmas frocks
A sprig of mistletoe
That’s Christmas ho ho ho
HAND KNITTED GLOVES
Hand knitted gloves
Scarves and hats
Novelty slippers
A book of cricket stats
Soap on a rope
Hankies and socks
These are examples
Of my Christmas box
JOYFULNESS
Joyfulness
On high
Yeshua is born
For all mankind
Unconditional
Love for the world
THE PIPES OF CHRISTMAS PAST
The pipes of Christmas past
Carry with every merry blast
Seasonal joy, when they play
Their tunes of Christmas day
I AM BLESSED WITH FRIENDS AT CHRISTMAS
I am blessed with Friends
Some of them are fruity
Some are soaked in alcohol
Some of them are nutty
Some are sweet
Some add spice
Some add zest
Some smell nice
But when mixed together
And yuletide is upon us
They become without doubt
The fruit cake of Christmas
Christmas 2013 Selection Box # 1
EVERY YEAR WITHOUT FAIL - SANTA
Every year without fail
On Christmas Eve
It would appear
And we children
Would squeal out
A deafening cheer
When the source
Of our excitement
Was carefully set down
And we would sit
In our clean pajama’s
And dressing gown
And stare at the object
Open mouthed
In gleeful expectation
Of what was beneath
The cotton wool and
Red crepe paper creation
We would have to wait
The longest time
In anticipation
But it was worth it
Too see inside the belly
Of Santa’s incarnation
And when we thought
We could wait no longer
We all jumped to our feet
As Dad slowly removed
The pink faced head
And revealed the treats
And as Dad gave Santa
A little shake, out spilled
The Christmas sweets
A SNOWMANS TALE
When I was very little
My dad and his brother
Built a huge snowman
Bigger than any other
He was as tall as Dad
And was round and fat
It had coal for eyes
And a big black hat
A scarf about its neck
For sartorial style
A large carrot nose
And a twig for a smile
Knobbly stick arms
With gloves at the end
A belt around its girth
Like a cummerbund
I loved that snowman
Standing so very tall
Until the eventual thaw
And I watched him fall
CHRISTMAS
Christ the lord
Holy birth in Bethlehem
Regal child in David’s city
Infant of God
Sent from heaven above
To die for us
Messiah in a manger
Angelic miracle
Saviour of man
WALNUTS IN WINTER
Walnuts in winter
Along with filberts, almonds
And fleshy Brazils
YOUNG LOVERS CUDDLE
Young lovers cuddle
Listening to carols sung
While the Yule log burns
THE PIPES OF CHRISTMAS PAST BLOW OUT
The pipes of Christmas past blow out
The melodies of yesteryear
With memories to warm the heart
And bring a sentimental tear
OH SANTA CLAUS THE BELLS THE BELLS ARE CALLING
Oh Santa Claus the bells the bells are calling
From town to town, where goodwill doth abide
The summers gone, the autumn leaves have fallen
We’re near, we’re near another Christmas tide
So come ye back to us on Christmas Evening
when all the land is hushed and white with snow
And we will leave your milk and cookies
Oh Santa Claus, you know we love you so
ARE YOU WEARING RED SHOES?
Are you wearing red shoes?
And very festive they are to
And just the thing for a Christmas do
Every year without fail
On Christmas Eve
It would appear
And we children
Would squeal out
A deafening cheer
When the source
Of our excitement
Was carefully set down
And we would sit
In our clean pajama’s
And dressing gown
And stare at the object
Open mouthed
In gleeful expectation
Of what was beneath
The cotton wool and
Red crepe paper creation
We would have to wait
The longest time
In anticipation
But it was worth it
Too see inside the belly
Of Santa’s incarnation
And when we thought
We could wait no longer
We all jumped to our feet
As Dad slowly removed
The pink faced head
And revealed the treats
And as Dad gave Santa
A little shake, out spilled
The Christmas sweets
A SNOWMANS TALE
When I was very little
My dad and his brother
Built a huge snowman
Bigger than any other
He was as tall as Dad
And was round and fat
It had coal for eyes
And a big black hat
A scarf about its neck
For sartorial style
A large carrot nose
And a twig for a smile
Knobbly stick arms
With gloves at the end
A belt around its girth
Like a cummerbund
I loved that snowman
Standing so very tall
Until the eventual thaw
And I watched him fall
CHRISTMAS
Christ the lord
Holy birth in Bethlehem
Regal child in David’s city
Infant of God
Sent from heaven above
To die for us
Messiah in a manger
Angelic miracle
Saviour of man
WALNUTS IN WINTER
Walnuts in winter
Along with filberts, almonds
And fleshy Brazils
YOUNG LOVERS CUDDLE
Young lovers cuddle
Listening to carols sung
While the Yule log burns
THE PIPES OF CHRISTMAS PAST BLOW OUT
The pipes of Christmas past blow out
The melodies of yesteryear
With memories to warm the heart
And bring a sentimental tear
OH SANTA CLAUS THE BELLS THE BELLS ARE CALLING
Oh Santa Claus the bells the bells are calling
From town to town, where goodwill doth abide
The summers gone, the autumn leaves have fallen
We’re near, we’re near another Christmas tide
So come ye back to us on Christmas Evening
when all the land is hushed and white with snow
And we will leave your milk and cookies
Oh Santa Claus, you know we love you so
ARE YOU WEARING RED SHOES?
Are you wearing red shoes?
And very festive they are to
And just the thing for a Christmas do
Christmas Humour Selection Box # 4
I SAW SANTA CLAUS LAST NIGHT
I saw Santa Claus last night
Messing with a ho ho ho
When he was kissing her
Underneath the camel toe
WHEN RUDOLPH ARRIVED
When Rudolph arrived
Cupid was so pleased
It meant the other reindeer
Had someone new to tease
RUBY THE RED NOSED BIMBO
Ruby the red nosed bimbo
Had a very strawberry nose
And if you ever saw her
You would even say it glows
All of the other bimbos
Used to laugh and call her names.
They never let poor Ruby
Join in any bimbo games.
Then one lonely Christmas Eve
Someone came to play:
Ruby with your nose so bright
Let me grab your tits tonight
Then all the fellas loved her
As they shouted out with glee,
Ruby the red-nosed bimbo
You can now go down on me!
CHRISTINGLE MINGLE
It is the season that makes my senses tingle
The time of year when the sleigh bells jingle
And we come together for the Christingle mingle
When the Clauses and the Grinches intermingle
And happy clappy’s and traditionalists comingle
As we celebrate the service of Christingle
HER WASSAIL
She would sing for her supper
And wail for her wassail
To get her turkey dinner
And a pint of Christmas ale
ARE YOU WEARING RED VELVET?
Are you wearing red velvet?
That’s really nice to see
And so fitting for the season
It makes me feel so Christmassy
ARE YOU WEARING GREEN VELVET?
Are you wearing green velvet?
That’s really nice to see
And so fitting for the season
It makes me feel so Christmassy
WHAT DO YOU CALL A BLIND REINDEER?
What do you call a blind reindeer?
During the governments austere stance
“Fit for work and no longer eligible
For any disability allowance”
RED SUIT
Santa Claus wears his famous red suit
As down another Chimney he’ll shoot
But no one knows what’s under there
He likes dressing in Ladies underwear
SANTA CLAUS IS COMING TO TOWN
You better watch out
You better not cry
Better not pout
I'm telling you why
Because Daddy
Has just worked
A 14 hour day
And now has to drive
300 miles of Christmas traffic
To spend another bloody Christmas
At Grandma Browns
House of doom
So he is not in the mood
For any of your shit
WE ALL PLAYED CHARADES
We all played Charades
At the in laws on Boxing Day
My wife’s Uncle Jack
Really went for it I must say
We were really impressed
By his energetic display
It was ten minutes before we knew
His heart had given way
I saw Santa Claus last night
Messing with a ho ho ho
When he was kissing her
Underneath the camel toe
WHEN RUDOLPH ARRIVED
When Rudolph arrived
Cupid was so pleased
It meant the other reindeer
Had someone new to tease
RUBY THE RED NOSED BIMBO
Ruby the red nosed bimbo
Had a very strawberry nose
And if you ever saw her
You would even say it glows
All of the other bimbos
Used to laugh and call her names.
They never let poor Ruby
Join in any bimbo games.
Then one lonely Christmas Eve
Someone came to play:
Ruby with your nose so bright
Let me grab your tits tonight
Then all the fellas loved her
As they shouted out with glee,
Ruby the red-nosed bimbo
You can now go down on me!
CHRISTINGLE MINGLE
It is the season that makes my senses tingle
The time of year when the sleigh bells jingle
And we come together for the Christingle mingle
When the Clauses and the Grinches intermingle
And happy clappy’s and traditionalists comingle
As we celebrate the service of Christingle
HER WASSAIL
She would sing for her supper
And wail for her wassail
To get her turkey dinner
And a pint of Christmas ale
ARE YOU WEARING RED VELVET?
Are you wearing red velvet?
That’s really nice to see
And so fitting for the season
It makes me feel so Christmassy
ARE YOU WEARING GREEN VELVET?
Are you wearing green velvet?
That’s really nice to see
And so fitting for the season
It makes me feel so Christmassy
WHAT DO YOU CALL A BLIND REINDEER?
What do you call a blind reindeer?
During the governments austere stance
“Fit for work and no longer eligible
For any disability allowance”
RED SUIT
Santa Claus wears his famous red suit
As down another Chimney he’ll shoot
But no one knows what’s under there
He likes dressing in Ladies underwear
SANTA CLAUS IS COMING TO TOWN
You better watch out
You better not cry
Better not pout
I'm telling you why
Because Daddy
Has just worked
A 14 hour day
And now has to drive
300 miles of Christmas traffic
To spend another bloody Christmas
At Grandma Browns
House of doom
So he is not in the mood
For any of your shit
WE ALL PLAYED CHARADES
We all played Charades
At the in laws on Boxing Day
My wife’s Uncle Jack
Really went for it I must say
We were really impressed
By his energetic display
It was ten minutes before we knew
His heart had given way
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