Christmas Humour Selection Box # 4

I SAW SANTA CLAUS LAST NIGHT

I saw Santa Claus last night
Messing with a ho ho ho
When he was kissing her
Underneath the camel toe

WHEN RUDOLPH ARRIVED

When Rudolph arrived
Cupid was so pleased
It meant the other reindeer
Had someone new to tease

RUBY THE RED NOSED BIMBO

Ruby the red nosed bimbo
Had a very strawberry nose
And if you ever saw her
You would even say it glows

All of the other bimbos
Used to laugh and call her names.
They never let poor Ruby
Join in any bimbo games.

Then one lonely Christmas Eve
Someone came to play:
Ruby with your nose so bright
Let me grab your tits tonight

Then all the fellas loved her
As they shouted out with glee,
Ruby the red-nosed bimbo
You can now go down on me!

CHRISTINGLE MINGLE

It is the season that makes my senses tingle
The time of year when the sleigh bells jingle
And we come together for the Christingle mingle
When the Clauses and the Grinches intermingle
And happy clappy’s and traditionalists comingle
As we celebrate the service of Christingle

HER WASSAIL

She would sing for her supper
And wail for her wassail
To get her turkey dinner
And a pint of Christmas ale

ARE YOU WEARING RED VELVET?

Are you wearing red velvet?
That’s really nice to see
And so fitting for the season
It makes me feel so Christmassy

ARE YOU WEARING GREEN VELVET?

Are you wearing green velvet?
That’s really nice to see
And so fitting for the season
It makes me feel so Christmassy

WHAT DO YOU CALL A BLIND REINDEER?

What do you call a blind reindeer?
During the governments austere stance
“Fit for work and no longer eligible
For any disability allowance”

RED SUIT

Santa Claus wears his famous red suit
As down another Chimney he’ll shoot
But no one knows what’s under there
He likes dressing in Ladies underwear

SANTA CLAUS IS COMING TO TOWN

You better watch out
You better not cry
Better not pout
I'm telling you why
Because Daddy
Has just worked
A 14 hour day
And now has to drive
300 miles of Christmas traffic
To spend another bloody Christmas
At Grandma Browns
House of doom
So he is not in the mood
For any of your shit

WE ALL PLAYED CHARADES

We all played Charades
At the in laws on Boxing Day
My wife’s Uncle Jack
Really went for it I must say
We were really impressed
By his energetic display
It was ten minutes before we knew
His heart had given way