I DISCOVERED MY FAVOURITE DUCK WAS SICK # 1

 

I discovered my favourite duck was sick

So I called for the local vet to attend

On arrival the Vet soon reassured me

And it was a simple Mallardy in the end

JULIUS CAESAR EMBARRASSED HIS FRIEND

 

Julius Caesar embarrassed his friend

Into sharing his sweets at the Senate

Then Brutus stood and watched as Caesar

And the Senators devoured every bit

So on the Ides of March, Brutus struck

With venom behind every blow and hit

And as he lay dying of his wounds

Caesar recognised the men who did it

“Et tu Brutei” he said but Brutus replied

“No you ate three you greedy git”

JAMES DEAN LIVED LIFE TO THE FULL

 

James Dean lived life to the full

Seldom taking the time to pause

But he didn’t believe in Santa

So he was a rebel without a Claus

COMPLETELY OUT OF THE BLUE

 

It came completely out of the blue

When my girlfriend broke up with me

Because I was addicted to pasta, she said

So at the moment I'm feeling cannelloni

INPROPPER JOKES

 

You can always spot when a risky joke is coming

Homophobic, Sexist, Racist or something bolder

And that’s because it begins, everytime without fail

With one or more glances over the tellers shoulder

I’M GOOD AT CHEMISTRY AND I’M FUNNY # 1

 

I’m good at chemistry and I’m funny

Those are my only talents, so far

So when I was asked if I knew

Any jokes about sodium, I replied Na

HARD SELL

 

A salesman tried it on with my wife

And tried really hard to impress her

With talk of his Vegan noodles, but

She wasn’t fooled by the impasta