My girlfriend was striking in appearance
With a face like a
rare Chinese thing
Like a classic vase
from a great dynasty
Was it Yuan, Liao, no
it was Ming-ing
Tuesday, 2 May 2023
MY GIRLFRIEND WAS STRIKING IN APPEARANCE
MY WIFE WAS INVITED TO GO
My wife was invited to go
On a girls' night out
recently
The invite said “dress
to kill”
So, she went as Myra
Hindley
I PHONED THE SWINE FLU HOTLINE
I phoned the swine flu hotline
When my chest started
rattling
Because that was the
advice
But all I got was crackling
I'VE JUST SPLIT UP WITH MY GIRLFRIEND
I've just split up with my girlfriend,
Which actually shocked
me to the core
As it was a
long-standing relationship
Maybe we should have
sat down more
Monday, 1 May 2023
ARE YOU WEARING COLOURED LENSES?
Are you wearing coloured lenses?
If you’re not then
what that means is
At the risk of sounding
a cynic
You should visit the
walk in eye clinic
PICKUP # 21
When you’re on the pull
If you want to break
the ice
Say something funny
Or say something nice
Be devastatingly witty
Or say something
clever
Be complimentary
Or just lie in your
endeavour
“If I had a star for
every time
You brightened my day”
You can say to her
“I'd have a galaxy to
display”
WHY DID THE CHICKEN NOT CROSS THE ROAD
Why did the chicken not cross the road
And choose instead to commit
suicide?
It seems to me to be
the wrong approach
If he just wanted to
get to the other side
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