TWOC

 

A Mexican friend of mine

Was really cross

After his car was stolen,

Poor poor Carlos

MIDLIFE

 

Midlife is when you have to go to the Doctor

And you realise you are now so degraded

Because you have reached a period of old age

Where you pay for a guy to look at you naked

IF YOU STAND AND LOOK IN THE FULL-LENGTH MIRROR

 

If you stand and look in the full-length mirror

And see a beer belly, bald head, varicose veins

Strawberry nose, and a complexion like leather

Think positively, at least your eyesight remains

AS I’VE GOTTEN OLDER I HAVE FOUND

As I’ve gotten older I have found that

My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. 

Which is something of a challenge, plus

My memory's not as sharp as it used to be

IT'S SCARY WHEN YOU START MAKING

It's scary when you start making,

During any kind of undertaking

The same noises and exclamations

As your coffee making contraption

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 429

 

What are little girls made of?

Sugar and spice and all things nice

That's what little girls are made of?

Well try to remember that the next time

Your holding her hair while she throwing up

ARE YOU WEARING AN EASTER WAISTCOAT?

 

Are you wearing an Easter waistcoat?

Oh yes it’s a real crowd pleaser

Though perhaps not ecclesiastical

It makes you look like a geezer