CAN I HAVE A GLASS OF RICE WINE

 

“Can I have a glass of Rice Wine”

I said “Beer makes me bilious”

The puzzled barman replied “Sake?”

I added “No I was being serious”

I SURVIVED TESTICULAR CANCER

 

I survived testicular cancer, but when

I was in Asda I screamed out in terror

As all I could hear at the checkout was 

“Unexpected item in the bagging area”

I KNOW THEY’RE SMILEY

 

I know they’re smiley

And I might well be odd

But I don’t like Dolphins

And I’m a congenial bod

It’s just because I found

They were a clicky pod

MY YOUNG ACTRESS SISTER

 

My young actress sister

Has absolutely no shame

But in Hollywood she has

Found some level of fame

She’s now “Doing a pilot”

I didn’t ask for his name

A VOYAGE ROUND MY FATHER (6)

 

At a get together with Family

My widowed father told me

That he had found a new lady

“We’re off to Portuguese India”

“Oh really” I said, “Goa?”

“No” he said “she’s a bit demure”

WHEN ASKED WHAT HE DID FOR A LIVING # 3

 

When asked what he did for a living

He replied furtively “I’m a spy”

Then he added he was from Belarus

And clarified “I’m a Minsk Spy”

TO HAVE VOICES IN MY HEAD

 

I believe it’s quite normal

To have voices in my head

Listening to them is usual

Sometimes I argue instead

However, if I were to lose

The argument, I’d be dead