WE CALL MY AUNT BETH THE EXORCIST

 

We call my aunt Beth the exorcist

Its cruel but we can’t resist

It’s because whenever she gets near

All the spirits disappear

BARBARA WINDSOR WENT INTO A PUB

 

Barbara Windsor went into a pub

After the days filming was done

And ordered a double entendre

So, the barman gave her one

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 392

 

Wednesday's child

Is full of woe,

(And that’s what you get for

drinking on a school night)

ARE YOU WEARING CONTACT LENSES?

 

Are you wearing contact lenses?

In your “mince pies”

Because they shine

At night like cats eyes

MY COOKIE LAMENT

 

Oh, what a pleasure they represent

Such sinful pleasure I’ll not repent

Whether foreign fare of strange accent

Or posh ones made for lady and gent

Or those down the bargain basement

Even with broken ones I am content

But I must cease those moments spent

Devouring the cookies heaven sent

And sing loud my sad cookie lament

Of a man left alone in his torment

For as the treat that they represent

I have given cookies up for lent

I WENT INTO HOSPITAL FOR MINOR SURGERY # 14

 

I went into hospital for minor surgery

The staff did not fill me with a sense of security

As I was going under I heard the surgeon say

“I think this blade is sharp enough, don't worry”

WHEN TWO APPLE DEVICES

 

When two Apple devices

Interface when meeting

They don’t do a handshake

But do an iFive in greeting