72 Miles From The Sea

Tuesday, 7 February 2023

We were eating at an Indian restaurant

When we received news of the trauma

We all found it very distressing

My naan had slipped into a Korma

My neighbour stole my shoes

He’s the nicest man you could meet

I was going to confront him?

But at the last minute I got cold feet

Champagne to your real friends?

And real pain to your sham friends?

Well, that’s Not my idea of friends

I have a memory foam mattress

And I awake fresh at cock crow

I just wish it would remember me

As I was at least twenty years ago

Procrastination is the thief of time,

There’s no truer saying without a doubt

And as a result of my dithering

I still don’t know “who let the dogs out”

Why are eggs packed in containers

That are the flimsiest I’ve ever seen

But batteries are in plastic packs

You can only open with a laser beam

I have often wanted to ask the question

Which has always gone unspoken

Why, when my wife gets ready, does she

Put on mascara with her mouth open