WHINGING BRITS ABROAD # 6

 

“No hairdressers at the resort”

The sign said at the resort 

My wife is a hairdresser

And she was totally distraught

ARE YOU WEARING BLACK NAIL VARNISH?

 

Are you wearing black nail varnish?

Well, it’s just a bit of a macabre garnish

And it’s going to stand out is all I will say

When dressed in white on your wedding day

THEY’VE STARTED A BREEDING PROGRAM

 

They’ve started a breeding program

At our local petting zoo

But visitors are worried it will

Become a heavy petting zoo

MARRIAGE IS LIKE A PACK OF CARDS

 

Marriage is like a pack of cards

For when the first deal is made

All you need is a couple of Hearts

And a Diamond to make the grade

But by the end of the endeavour

You will want a Club and a Spade

MY DOG BIT ME ON THE NUTS

 

My dog bit me on the nuts

When I accidentally kicked her

My wife said it was karma

But I thought she was crosser

SHE WAS SO DRUNK AT THE PARTY

 

She was so drunk at the party

When her period came on

She mistakenly used a party popper

Instead of a tampon

WHEN I SAW MY WIFE’S BOTOX BILL

 

When I saw my wife’s Botox bill

I couldn’t believe my eyes

I pointed it out to my wife

But she didn’t look surprised