72 Miles From The Sea

Friday, 6 January 2023

ADIDAS is an acronym for

"All day I dream about sex"

And by the time I get to bed

I’m suffering from the effects

We went on holiday to Spain

But the shopkeepers couldn’t be lazier

The shops closed in the afternoon

I ran out of fags during the Siesta

I went to a talk about the Wheelbarrow

Just another boring gardening talk

But I was wrong, it was totally enthralling

Next week’s position is the crab walk

I visited Nigel Farage’s garden

Well, it was hardly National Trust

The patch of lawn was really shit

But the borders were very robust

My gardener has OCD

His herb beds are alphabetized

I asked how he found the time

“It’s next to the Sage” he replied

My sister is a giant in journalism

And her prowess is eternal

Standing over six feet high

She’s on the Tall Street Journal

You can train animals to do anything

I don’t know where it will stop

We have a Pole dancing sheep

In the window of the kebab shop