MY GRANDDADS GREATEST PLEASURE

 

My granddads greatest pleasure

Was his allotment

So, in his will he instructed

His son Peter

To sprinkle his ashes

Over the beloved plot

Lightly forking them in

At one ounce per square metre

DIETING TIP # 4

 

When you eat with someone else

Anything consumed off their plate

Is calorie free because they will

Cling to the other person’s plate

MY BROTHER IS SUCH A PESSIMIST

 

My brother is such a pessimist

It has been his great tormentor

He’s so pessimistic that if there

Was a contest he wouldn’t enter

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 252

 

Mary had a little lamb

And how sweet the lamb looks

Then the midwife said

“Well, that’s one for the textbooks”

ARE YOU WEARING SUNNIES?

 

Are you wearing sunnie’s?

Oh, dear you do look funny

I almost didn’t recognize you honey

 

You’re spending the week incognito?

Oh, how lovely I’ve always wanted to go

But no one recognizes you though

ARE YOU WEARING TOE OF NEWT?

 

Are you wearing toe of newt?

Is it part of a witchy spell?

Is it the witchy version of GHB?

I’m so smitten I cannot tell

LOVE BITTEN HALLOWEEN

 

From the first moment

On that memorable first day

When I laid eyes on the Wiccan

All that I can say

Is that I was left as helpless

As a vampire with tooth decay