RED FEATHERS

 

She Wears Red Feathers

And a Huly-Huly Skirt

Or so the old song goes

To me she sounds like a flirt

Let’s see how alluring she is

In Primark joggers and T-shirt

I BOUGHT MYSELF A SATNAV

 

I bought myself a Satnav

I got in the car, turned it on

And I put it on my dash

 

And it told me where I was

Like I didn’t know already

What a waste of bloody cash

WHEN YOU MARRY

When you marry

Choose a partner

You love to talk to

Because when

Attraction fades

And lover becomes friend

Because conversation

Maybe all that’s left 

HE WASN’T A SOPHISTICATE

 

He wasn’t a sophisticate

Which for some can be a plus

But he always thought

That a coach was a posh bus

CUSTOMER SATISFACTION

 

I was so unhappy

With the service

At my local café

I wrote an insult

On the table

In tomato ketchup

Before leaving

Which is what I call

Complaining with Relish

THE DRUG MULE SURPRISE

 

The drug mule

Smuggled cocaine

In little plastic eggs

More accustomed

To holding a toy

And that’s what I call

A Kindle Surprise

HIS HEAD WAS SO FULL OF FILTH

 

His head was so full of filth

And dirty thoughts

Which all cantered around

Getting into her shorts

And when the act was culminated,

By all reports

It was clear he wasn’t the only one

With dirty thoughts