ROSENCRANTZ AND GUILDENSTERN # 4

 

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern

Contrary to the rumour did not snuff it

They’re living in a bedsit in Merseyside

Where they have to rough it

I’VE ENROLLED MY DAUGHTER # 1

I’ve enrolled my daughter in a class

Which caused her to exclaim

It was on Paralleled Parking

Which is quite a simple aim

Preferably in less than an hour

And without an Insurance Claim

I WAS AT THE END OF MY WITS

 

I couldn’t understand

I was at the end of my wits

I couldn’t undo her bra

I couldn’t get to her tits

The device was preventing

My reaching her bits

Then I thought that I should

Remove my woolen mits

NEVER MIX THE GRAPE AND THE GRAIN

 

Never mix the grape and the grain

My Dad always said to me

And his inference was quite plain

Mixing them would be silly

Well now I think he was insane

They mix perfectly in my muesli

DO I HAVE A PET NAME FOR MY WIFE?

 

Do I have a pet name for my wife?

Yes, I like to call her Bambi, chum

Because she’s cute and clumsy

And I’d like to shoot her mum

A BRIGHT OUTLOOK

 

I woke up this morning

In the early morning light

I looked in the mirror

And not a wrinkle in sight

 

My wife, who was sleeping

Soundly in our bed

Now looked like

Sandra Bullock instead

 

The house looked neat

The garden looked tidy

So I should have gone

To Specsavers obviously

IN THE TEETH OF A GALE

 

As the savage seas

Pounded the stricken ship

Helpless onlookers watched

From the lonely beach

As nature won out

Ropes attached to Rockets

Were shot from the cliff top

But in the howling gale

Each fell short