21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 163

 

Wash on Monday,

Iron on Tuesday,

Bake on Wednesday,

Brew on Thursday,

Churn on Friday,

Mend on Saturday,

Go to meeting on Sunday.

And all on minimum wage

These polish maids are brilliant

ARE YOU WEARING A FRENCH MAID’S OUTFIT?

 

Are you wearing a French maid’s outfit?

Does it come with all the kit?

The little apron and the hat

The black stockings and all that

With all the coyness you can muster

Reach up with your feather duster

On tip toes reach up high

So I can glimpse a bit of thigh

Then come back down to earth

And get to work for all your worth

I GOT CAUGHT TAKING A PISS

 

I got caught taking a piss

In the local swimming pool

The lifeguard shouted so loud,

I nearly fell in. the bloody fool

MY DOCTOR SAID I’M BORDERLINE OBESE

 

My doctor said I’m borderline obese

But it didn’t bother me at all

Because at the end of the day

That makes me borderline Normal

PUT DOWN # 49

 

Put downs work the best

For deflecting unwanted attention

But try to be amusing

As this relieves the tension

Allow me to give you an example

By way of a demonstration

 

When I was in a club one night

It must have been nearly half past two

A woman said to me “If you lost weight,

Shaved and cut your hair you would do

I replied “yes but if I did all that,

I’d be talking to your mates instead of you”

I CHATTED TO A GIRL IN THE PUB

I chatted to a girl in the pub

And suspecting her gullibility

I proceeded to proudly boast

About my special ability

 

“I can divine when a woman

Was born, to the very day

Just by feeling her breasts

It’s as simple as child’s play”

 

"Really? Is that really true?"

She said “or is it just a lie

Just so you can feel my tits 

But go on then give it a try"

 

So I had a good fondle

And thought she is so dumb

And I teased her nipples

Till they were as fat as my thumb

 

But she started to get impatient

And I heard her say

"Come on then, what day was I born"?

I replied, “it was yesterday"

SAME SEX MARRIAGE

 

There’s a lot of discussion at the moment

About “same sex marriage”

Well having been married for thirty years

I’d like a “some sex marriage”