LAZARUS PILL # 1

 

There is a pill that I have to take

For recreation the doctor said

It’s a very special little blue pill

And I use it to raise up the dead

MY HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE

 

As I stood on my drive

I saw cracking little lass

Bend over on the footpath

Showing me her ass

 

My high blood pressure

Went up even more

Then my pacemaker

Opened the garage door

FEEL YOUR AGE

 

You know I still feel

"Young at heart"

But considerably older

In every other part

JUST A DASH

 

Pour me a Scotch Whisky

With only two drops of water

Please can you do that for me?

My dearest daughter

For at my age I can hold my liquor

But I can’t hold my water

ADOPT A WILD CAT

 

They want me to adopt a wild cat

Which is quite absurd

Where on earth am I going to keep

A fully-grown Leopard?

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 154

 

I love sixpence, jolly, jolly, sixpence,

I love sixpence as my life.

Well I don’t actually because it’s only worth 2 ½ p

And what can you buy with that?

ARE YOU WEARING MAKE UP?

 

Are you wearing make up?

You don’t usually wear a scrap

Well, you look prettier than ever

Are you going to meet a chap?

You’re not meeting a beau?

What, no one has set their cap?

But there is someone you like

Someone you’d like to entrap

Well, whoever he might be

He is definitely a lucky chap

Too be caught by one as lovely as you

In sweet loves tender trap

My you have a glint in your eye

Why are you climbing on my lap?

What are you doing to my ear?

Should we just slow down perhaps

It’s hard to concentrate when you do that

So please let me just recap

Am I right in assuming by your behaviour?

That I’m the lucky chap