I’VE GOT TO DRIVE MYSELF TO BLACKPOOL

 

I’ve got to drive myself to Blackpool

And I’ve not long passed my test

Now I have to navigate my way around

The cobbled motorways of the northwest

DREADLOCKS AND YOU’RE WHITE

 

Dreadlocks and you’re white

Interesting look but with a snag

It makes your head look like

An exploded Hoover bag

I HAVE SIX POINTS ON MY LICENCE

 

I have six points on my licence

I’ve been done for speeding before

but today I was cautioned to slow down

By my doctor and not by the law

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 128

 

Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall

But Humpty Dumpty wouldn’t fall

So was sent by the head of human resource

On a three-week health and safety course

ARE YOU WEARING SOMETHING NEW?

 

Are you wearing something new?

On your wedding day

Sorry, that’s a silly question

What a thing to say

You’re an Essex girl

So, daddy is going to pay

ON OUR WEDDING NIGHT I SAID

 

On our wedding night

I said to my new wife

I’m going ruin you

I’ll suck the life

Out of your lovely tits

And shag your brains out

Fifty years later

I’d say that was a good shout

TWO MEN WERE TALKING IN A BAR

 

Two men were talking in a bar

One man asked the other one

“Do you ever look at your wife’s face?

When you’re giving her one”

 

“I did once and saw the anger in her face

It made me shrivel up down below”

“Why anger?” Asked the other man

“Because she was watching through the window”