21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 100

 

Lizzie Borden took an axe,

And gave her mother forty whacks,

When she saw what she had done,

She gave the bitch another one

ARE YOU WEARING A VEST?

Are you wearing a vest?

Fitting snugly to your chest

Well, it’s about your vests cosy fit,

I’d like to come twixt you and it

MY LEAST FAVOURITE THINGS # 3

 

Mono browed women with un-waxed moustaches

Wearing tight leggings too small for their asses

Fat sausage fingers and huge bingo wings

These are a few of my least favourite things

WIND IN THE WILLOWS # 1

 

Ratty the water vole

And his friend Mr Mole

Buried Toad deep in a hole

MATURE CONVERSATION

 

My wife of many years

Thinks that I’m immature

Why she has the opinion

I confess that I’m not really sure

 

She thinks we need to sit down

And talk the problem through

I think it’s a load of tosh

To be perfectly honest with you

 

But in the interest of peace, I agreed

Though I don’t see the reason

But I told her I couldn’t do it

Until after the conker season

THE NIGHT BUS

 

After a night out at the pub

I drunk until I could drink no more

And in a disorderly way

I made my way out of the door

But being the worse for ware

I hadn’t walked very far

When I came to the conclusion

I was too drunk to drive the car

So, I decided to take the bus

And I arrived safely at my door

Which was truly amazing

As I’d never driven a bus before

END OF THE LINE

 

My mate was so depressed

In fact, he was suicidal

But he wasn’t dynamic

In fact, he was bloody idle

 

So, I took care of him

As a true friend never quits

I pushed him under a train

He was chuffed to bits