ARE YOU WEARING BLACK?

 

Are you wearing black?

Yes, it’s a funeral I know

But underneath the garb

Is that all black also?

 

No, it’s not irreverent

Picturing you in lacy black

There was no bigger letch

Then you’re dead uncle Jack

THE COMMANDO GIRL # 2

 

You’ve gone commando, haven’t you?

Don’t shake your head I know it’s true

That blushing vividly betrays you

And that’s only one of many clues

I have a clinical eye for what I peruse

And I can see dandruff on your shoes

WHEN I SAY

 

When I say, "I love you", I mean it.

Look into my eyes and believe it

Look into my heart and feel it

DON’T GO IN THE WATER

I don’t like swimming in the sea

I don’t care what you say it’s not for me

It’s not that I’m scared of sharks or eels

Or that I don’t like how a jelly fish feels

It’s not even because of stone fish stings

Or the flotsam and jetsam the tide brings

You may think my phobia quite absurd

But I can’t be swimming along with a turd 

A BASIC FACT

 

A fact remains a fact

Its logic remains intact

Its basic premise is unflawed

Even if the fact is ignored

MY PASTIME

 

My pastime is, that I like to Fish

I’d do it all the time if I got my wish

But my wife hates me doing it

And she wants me to stop doing it

I say to her it’s just my hobby  

She says it’s just plain nobby

I say potato she says potaeto

I say tomato she says tomaeto

I say it’s just an innocent pastime

She says next time should be the last time

I say it is about the quiet peace

She says it has to cease

I say it’s appreciating the stillness

She says it’s a mental illness

She says I need to get a life

I think I just need a different wife

EVER SO HUMBLE

 

When toward my bed I stumble

My wife greets me with a grumble

“Hello, my little apple crumble”

I say as in her nightgown I fumble

My advances are met with a mumble

“Dearest, my desire is quite humble

A little bit of rough and tumble”

Her reply is yet another mumble

But we did have a Christmas fumble