VEGETUS # 1

 

Have you ever eaten vegetarian?

Is that something you have done?

Well, no I haven’t, but I’d like to

Though I couldn’t eat a whole one

REPEAT OFFENDER

 

It was his repeated use

Of drastic plastic

Which led to his appearance

At Devizes assizes

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 82

 

Christmas is coming the geese are getting fat

Pick me out the fattest one and we’ll have that

It needs to be a big one for our Christmas feast

In fact, just give us the one that’s clinically obese

LIFE LESSON

 

When I was young, life was full of riches

Then I discovered women could be bitches

And some even gave you embarrassing itches

LOOSE WOMEN

 

I always thought

The Essex girls were loose

Of very easy virtue

And well up for a goose

The pretty ones

With the mate like a Moose

The sad old slappers

Who were easy to seduce

And the dirty ones

Who liked it up the caboose

Well, I now have to say

I have managed to deduce

That girls everywhere

Do it with the least excuse

18-30 HOLS

 

I love the 18-30 hols

Making out with the foreign dolls

Some of them are just a bit flirty

Some of them are just plain dirty

Some of them are straight laced

Some of them are just two faced

And tell you No to your face

Then you see to their disgrace

They don’t have any underwear

Wearing nothing at all down there

Zonda pantaloon, uden undies

Nashi cami, fuera frillies

Bez briefs, No hose, senza smalls

Nicht knicks, Sans pants, bugger all

No thongs, panties or bloomers,

No knickers, big pants or drawers

Ilman, Gan, Sin, Uten, Utan, without

The dirty little minx’s are wearing nout

70’S MUSICAL DESERT

 

The forties

Brought us swing

The fifties

Brought us rock and roll

The sixties

Brought us the Beatles

The seventies

Brought us bugger all