HALFWAY UP THE STAIRS

 

I have come to the conclusion

That old age just isn’t fair

You know sometimes I find myself

Standing halfway up the stairs

Wondering if I was going up

Or coming back down from there

A FARE HEARING

 

My friend just returned from America

Where he had undergone surgery

To have a hearing aid implant fitted

And he was telling me about it excitedly

 

He said it was space age, state of the art

Twenty thousand dollars and worth every dime

I asked about the battery, “What type is it”?

He said I think it’s a little after nine

NOT WHAT IT SEEMS

 

Just because when you fart

It sounds like an angel’s breath

It doesn’t mean for a moment

That it will not smell like death

IN FLAGRANTE DELICTO

 

They were found in the toilet

In flagrante delicto

Well done mum and dad

That’s the way to go

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 76

 

An apple a day

Keeps the doctor away

Is an old wives tale

And doomed to fail

So, when the doc calls

Just knee him in the balls

PUT DOWN # 44

 

Put downs work the best

For deflecting unwanted attention

But try to be amusing

As this relieves the tension

If he suggests he is your prince

Come to rescue you from your plight

Just say to him

"You live with your mom still, right?"

SENTENCING

 

In the English language

The shortest sentence

Is reportedly “I am”

This would make sense

But does that mean, “I do”

Is the longest sentence?