THE TROUBLE WITH FLIES

 

Flies spread many diseases

That are diagnosed

So for the sake of public health

Keep yours closed

UNCONTAINABLE

 

The fetor of the sewerage farm

With its strong offensive smell

Could not be easily confined

Behind the high palings of its cell

THE SURE THING

 

She was a dirty horny little cow

And I wanted her and how

I saw her breasts small and pert

And wanted to explore up her skirt

I knew about her slutty reputation

That she’d do it without hesitation

So, it was a case of when and not if

And that thought was making me stiff

So, you can imagine my surprise

When she stood hornily before my eye

She gave me the once over and told me no

And said that even she wasn’t that low

PUT DOWN # 41

 

Put downs work the best

For deflecting unwanted attention

But try to be amusing

As this relieves the tension

And if he is relentless

One of those persistent fellas

Just say at the top of your voice

"No, I won’t fuck you for 100 dollars!"

NEW CHEESE

 

I saw a new brand of cheese

At the supermarket today

It was called Armageddon

I suppose it looked ok

 

I think it was long life cheese

Or some synthetic blend

I didn’t buy it because of the sell by

It just said “Best before End”

COMPELLING READING

I was reading this book today

At the library in town

It was “The History of Glue”

You know? I couldn't put it down

BLOCKBUSTER ANSWER

I went to the local video shop and said,

“Can I borrow “Batman Forever?” My friend”

He said, “No, I’m afraid that’s not possible

But you can have it for the weekend”