STEALING AN EMBRACE

 

If you have sex with a prostitute

And leave without paying

Is there a specific law in statute?

Or is it just like shoplifting

911

 

I had just ordered my dream car

The Porsche I’ve always wanted to own

So, I contacted all my friends

By text on my mobile phone

“Can’t wait for the new 911”

As simple as that, just the job

An hour later the door was kicked in

By the anti-terrorist squad

MISUNDERSTAND INN

Being a Christian man,

Of high moral standing

I was not prepared

For the resulting misunderstanding

 

It was on my arrival

At the hotel reception

After the pleasantries

And before completing registration

 

I merely asked the receptionist

If she was at all able

To make sure the porn channel

In my room was disabled

 

To which she replied

With the tone of utter scorn

“No, you sick bastard.

It’s just regular porn”

WINDY WILL

 

Blow, blow thou inner wind -

Thou art so unkind

As man's flatulence

Thy toot is not so keen,

Because thou art not seen,

Although thy breath be rude

THE FOLK OF THE AMERICAS

 

The folk of the Americas

In that tropical region

Ate a missionary

And got a taste of religion

IF YOU WERE ASKED THE QUESTION # 1

 

If you were asked the question

How do you get a big girl into bed?

Would you try to be PC?

Or say “A piece of cake” instead

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 62

 

John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt,

My name is that name now

Whenever I go out,

The people will always shout,

There goes John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt.

(I’M John Smith really but I’ll never be a super star named John Smith)