21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 58

 

Horsey, horsey don't you stop

Just let your feet go clippetty clop

Make the whip swish close up the ground

Win the race or your dog food bound

SEXUAL PREFERENCES # 6

 

I don’t have a favourite,

I love each and every one

Whether happy or sad

Cheerful or glum

 

I love Grim Kim

And Moanie Toni

Henpecky Becky

And Naggy Maggie

 

I love Bella Stella

And Indie Lindy

Funny Honey

And Windy Cindy

 

I love Tarty Marti

And Burley Shirley

The Felon Helen

And that twirly girlie

 

I love Flabby Gabby

And Escapee Lee

Chardonnay Kay

And Meat free Fi

 

I love Prudy Judy

And Racy Macy

Pristine Christine

And Straight Lacy Tracy

IN CASE OF EMERGENCY

 

Whenever my wife fills in a form for me

And it asks who to notify in an emergency

She always writes down her name, what for?

I don’t want her called, she’s not a doctor

TGIF

 

I have just looked at the clock

And it’s left me feeling great

It’s 4 o’clock on Friday afternoon

Or what I like to call the home straight

THE LOCAL CHEMIST

 

A pub landlord

Is just a pharmacist

With a more limited

Inventory list

L FOR LIBRARIAN

 

I see you differently tonight

Not the bookish librarian

No beige sweater and slacks

No tied back hair

And sensible shoes

Tonight, you are no quiet librarian

Tonight, you prowl

On four-inch heels

Tonight, you are the huntress

On the black stockinged legs

A lioness in a cocktail dress

Hair flowing like a mane

Who knew what lay beneath?

The shapeless beige

And baggy trousers

A woman hid beneath the drab

A woman with shape and form

Curves and undulations

Look under S for sexy

NUCLEAR PETUNIA

 

Nuclear Petunia was insatiable

A sexual being to her core

She would do it in a cupboard

She would do it on the floor

She never got exhausted

She just wanted more and more

Petunia truly was atomic

She just went on and on

And in between no respite

Just another nuclear fusion