I want to get a Tom Tom
Or any make of Satnav
But my lady wife won’t
hear of it
Not all the time I
have
Her to map read for me
And give me vague
directions
Saying left instead of
right
At all the intersections
But it’s always my
fault
When we take another
detour
Though it’s her not
paying attention
I don’t want to do
this anymore
For she doesn’t really
map read
She only reads her
women’s mag
But that’s what I’m
stuck with
A fifty-year-old sat
nag
When to my wife I was wed
My father-in-law to me
said
I will give you ten
acres and a cow
I’ve waited for the
land for 10 years now
Applying a tattoo
On a beautiful woman’s
skin
Is something akin
To drawing a moustache
On the Mona Lisa
Or a Chad on the
ceiling
Of the Sistine chapel
The only things that
can enhance
A woman’s beauty
Is a smile about her
lips
And a glow upon her
cheek
You have elegance
Poise and grace
A certain
sophistication
And what was once
called “it”
You have beauty
And sex appeal
You know what you’ve
got
And how to use it
You have style
And fashion sense
You know what goes
And what does not
So, answer me this
Why do you choose?
As your date
A tattooed Neanderthal
Twinkle, twinkle little star
Are the services very
far?
Oh I really hope they
are
Or I will Tinkle,
Tinkle in the car
America doesn’t need to invade
To find oil anymore
Because in an ironic
twist of fate
Oil is invading their
shore
Wednesday’s girl
So full of woe
How does fickle love
Mistreat you so
Sad Wednesday girl
Left with red eyes
By unfaithful love
For whom she cries
Oh Wednesday girl
Weeping for her lover
Don’t waste your tears
You will find another
