EARLY ARRIVAL

 

At premature ejaculators anonymous

I sat all alone in the meeting room

And I pondered my solitary situation

And concluded that I just came too soon

SHOUT IT FROM THE ROOF TOPS

 

I like Germany

I like the Germans

I have friends there

I worked for a time near Frankfurt

And I visit Berlin often

It’s my favourite city

They are nice people

Friendly and welcoming

They share our hopes

And our aspirations

We are so alike

We have always been alike

Well almost always

There were dark days

When they were seduced by evil

And let themselves down

So what happened?

What infected this nation?

This nation so like ourselves

How did the madness take them?

Why did they become inhuman?

Why did they set a new benchmark?

In their inhumanity

Why did the good people not rise up?

And oppose the evil

Why did they fail to stop it

Were the jews so bad

So unworthy of pity

Too worthless to be considered

For whatever reason it happened

They let it happen

The worst of them profited by it

The best of them turned a blind eye to it

But they were all guilty

And after the war

I think they felt the guilt

But they feel no guilt now

Now they try to hide behind a lie

Pretending it wasn’t really that bad

There were just a few bad men

And they are gone now

The Americans exaggerated everything

There were isolated incidents

No more than that

Let’s speak of it no more

Lest we offend Islam

Well Islam should be offended

As it was the Turks of the Ottoman empire

Who taught their German allies

The meaning of Holocaust

When they annihilated the Armenians

I say let’s speak of it

Let’s never stop speaking of it

And if offence is caused, then so be it

If it prevents it’s like

From ever happening again

THE GULF OF MEXICO

It’s great to watch Obama

Playing his presidential games

Talking about kicking ass

And taking names

 

He reminds me of King Canute

Standing on the beach

As his political grasp

Exposes the shortness of his reach

 

I think the irony of the situation

Is well suited

As one of the great polluters

Have now become the polluted

UNFORGETTABLE

 

He was such a forgetful man

He was like the absent-minded professor

Unfortunately, he was so forgetful

That he forgot to become a professor

AIMING TO HIGH

 

I went in search of a maiden fair

And saw a vision standing there

But I knew as I held her in my stare

For me to have a future with her

I should be twenty years younger

And her standards much lower

PUT DOWN # 37

 

Put downs work the best

For deflecting unwanted attention

But try to be amusing

As this relieves the tension

“What would it take” he might say

“For you to go out with me?”

Just reply to him

“Me to lower my standards dramatically”

DESPERATELY SEEKING

 

She seeks Mr. Right

Someone who’s simply awesome

A strong, intelligent man

Tall dark and handsome

A King or a Prince

Healthy wealthy and wise

A good conversationalist

With come to bed eyes

Generous to a fault

Patient and kind

Devotedly attentive

And domestically inclined

A constant companion

A lover and a friend

A man of substance

On whom she can depend

 

But if a man seeks a woman

Then a deaf-mute, with no sense of smell,

Large breasted, nymphomaniac,

Contortionist, would suit well