PUT DOWN # 32

 

Put downs work the best

For deflecting unwanted attention

But try to be amusing

As this relieves the tension

Before he has chance to deliver

His pickup line, get in quick

And say “I see you've chosen today

To humiliate yourself in public”

THE COURTING RULE

 

When I was courting

Many years ago

I had a golden rule

Which I liked to follow

This ruled applied

To certain criteria

Namely that the girl

Should live in the same area

In extreme cases

A short bus ride away

As a general rule

Only one street away

But preferably

In the same street, or

In a perfect world

The house next door

My kids have no such rule

And don’t date girls in our road

In fact they won’t even date

A girl in our post code

MULTITASKING MAIDENS

Women are supposedly very good at multitasking

Men are not, which allegedly is our biggest crime

But if women are truly capable of multitasking

Why can’t they have a headache and sex at the same time?

DAVY JONES DISCO

 

If you go to a seafood disco

For a tango and a tussle

Don’t complain about bad luck

If you only pull a muscle

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 32

 

Monday’s child is bleary eyed,

Tuesday’s child is full of pride,

Wednesday’s child is fighting fit,

Thursday’s child is full of shit,

Friday’s child gets out of its brain,

Saturday’s child goes to the pub again

And the child that is born on the Sabbath day

Is nice and kind in an irritating way

LIQUID TO SOLID

 

Liquid Viagra will become

The ultimate cocktail I think

And be popular with the group

In need of a stiff drink

THE NINE MUSES OF THE ARTS – TERPSICHORE (MUSE OF DANCING)

 

The nine muses

Daughters of Zeus

Inspiring of mortals

And nurturers of the arts

The seventh was,

The divine Terpsichore,

Delight of dancing,

Muse of choral songs and dance

A lyre in her hand

Accompanies the dancers

Terpsichore muse of dance

Mother of the sirens