FRIENDSHIP # 5

 

Dearest friend, thank you

For being the hand that steadies me

And the foundation beneath me

You’re the calm on my sea

PUT DOWN # 23

Put downs work the best

For deflecting unwanted attention

But try to be amusing

As this relieves the tension

“Wow your body is like a temple”

He might well say

Just reply to him

“Sorry, there are no services today” 

DOCTOR IN MOTION

 

“Doctor I have chronic diarrhoea

And I think it’s hereditary”

“Nonsense man I can assure you

Diarrhoea is not hereditary,

And no matter how chronic it is

It’s not as bad as it seems”

“But doctor I know it’s hereditary

Because it’s in my jeans”

FASHION VICTIMS

 

There is a new fashion range

Launching in the spring

And if you are of certain bent

Then for you it’s just the thing

 

There will be corduroy trousers

With a very high waist

And knitted sleeveless sweaters

To suit every taste

 

Jackets will be of Harris Tweed

With leather elbow patches

Shirt collars will button down

On a tie that never matches

 

So when will these hit the shops?

Is that the question I hear?

Be patient it will be with us soon

And it’s known as Boffin wear

MANDELA

 

What makes Mandela a great man?

Was it that he opposed apartheid?

So what?

He wasn’t alone in that

That doesn’t make him great

That would make half the world great

         

What makes Mandela a great man?

Was it that he led the ANC’s military wing?

So what?

Not really the stuff of greatness

Just another bloody terrorist

 

What makes Mandela a great man?

Was it his twenty-seven years in jail?

So what?

Murder and rape will achieve that

That doesn’t make him great

 

What makes Mandela a great man?

Was it that he symbolized the struggle?

A beacon against apartheid

So what?

That doesn’t make him great

 

What makes Mandela a great man?

Is it that he’s a nice silver haired old man?

With a warm affable smile

So what?

That could be my granddad

 

What makes him a great man?

Was it that he was the first black president?

Of a free South Africa

Very historic

But that alone doesn’t make him great

 

What makes Mandela a great man

Is his humility

His humanity

He could have spoken in vengeance

Yet he spoke of reconciliation

He could have evened the score

Balanced the books

For black South Africa

He could have unleashed

A black tide of death and destruction

Upon the white minority

Pay back

But he did not

Instead, he spoke forgiveness

He could have been a Mugabe

And never relinquished power

But chose to serve only one term

Then handed on the baton

His work was done

His greatness set in stone

WENCH HUNT

 

A certain healthy horny fellow

With his wild oats to sow

Will seek a field that’s fallow

With a mind to plough the furrow

WHAT CAN I GIVE UP?

 

For lent you have to give up

Something that you enjoy

Well, that gave me a lot more choices

When I was but a boy

Now it’s not quite so easy

I don’t enjoy too much at my age

So, I will have to give up being cantankerous

Or just give up road rage