HAPPY BIRTHDAY # 10

 

Congratulations and felicitations

But don’t drink too much at the celebration

For when you don’t know how many you’ve had

Can lead to you dancing like your Dad

PUT DOWN # 13

 

Put downs work the best

For deflecting unwanted attention

But try to be amusing

As this relieves the tension

“The look of you could stop a man’s heart”

May be his opening gambit

So just reply to him

“The look of you could stop traffic”

JUSTITIA

 

Justitia, or lady justice

Matronly Goddess

Stands for fairness

Validating justice

Sanctifying the law

A figure of trust

 

Before the court

She stands

Blindfolded

To mete out justice

Without fear of favour

Equality for all

In the eyes of the law

Impartiality

 

In Justitia’s left hand

The measuring balances

The scales of justice

Weighing the evidence

For and against

Support and opposition

Guilt and innocent

 

Justitia, in her right hand

Holds the sword

The symbol of power

Of reason and justice

A double edge sword,

The sword of justice

The nemesis sword

To be wielded for or against

Retribution or vengeance

 

Justitia, is a fraud

Justice is not blind

Rip off the blindfold

From the bitch’s eyes

She is not blind

She has no impartiality

She is the establishment

The ruling order

Her principled scales

Don’t measure justice

Only a rich man’s coin

And her noble sword

The sword of justice

The nemesis sword

Is used to smite the weak

LITTLE RED RIDING HOODY

Little red riding hoody

Was sent to visit her sick grandma

But the big bad wolf spied her

Before she’d got very far

The big bad wolf wanted to eat her

And was just about to strike and mar

When she set her pit-bull on the wolf

Then went off to rob her grandma 

HAVING A STROKE

 

A woman arrived on the ward

To visit her husband one day

And when she saw him in his bed

He looked in a very bad way

She asked the nurse what happened

“He had another stroke” The nurse said

The woman unconvinced

Questioned her about bruises to his head

“That’s not normal for someone having a stroke”

She said to her crossly

“I can tell you it is perfectly normal madam

When he’s having a stroke of me”

ALL THE NICE GIRLS LOVE A SAILOR

 

When the navy is in town

There is mayhem all around

As the sex starved from the fleet

Wreak havoc in the streets

Chanting amidst the noise

Get your tits out for the boys

In search of feminine company

After several months at sea

Pleasing them is easy

These horny men of the sea

They don’t want to see your thighs

Or to look into your big brown eyes

The only thing that will satisfy

Is getting your tits out for the guys

They don’t want to see you pout

Just get your top off and get them out

You can do a dance of lust

If you really think you must

You can even bump and grind

They don’t really mind

You can make a really sexy noise

As you get your tits out for the boys

This is not the best way to be

If you really want some company

Oh these enlightened men of the sea

All end the night skint and lonely

GSI NOT DIY

 

I don’t do plumbing

Carpentry or electrics

I don’t mess with tiling

Bricklaying or mechanics

I suppose I could be described

As a handy man, in a way

As I live on the premises

And can be there the same day

But that isn’t really handy

If I’m being fair

As I’m actually bloody useless

When I get there

So I don’t do DIY

I’m just not that guy

But I do, do GSI

I’m a “Get Someone In” kind of guy