HEALTH WARNING

 

How can they say smoking is bad for you?

It’s a lot of old tosh in my personal view

All my family smoked since they were nippers

And after all smoking has cured my kippers

NEWSY, NEWSY

 

Newsy, newsy

Suzy the Floozy

(Not very choosy)

Met Boozy Susie

(Always woozy)

Then had a twosie

In the Jacuzzi

Floozy and Woozy

Then got all Oozy

And decidedly bluesy

Before Suzy the Floozy

(Not very choosy)

And Boozy Susie

(Always woozy)

Got a bit snoozy

Twosie Suzie’s

Newsy, newsy

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 12

 

Jack and Jill

Went up the hill

To spend some time with each other

Jack failed to rise

Jill raised her eyes

Then went off to find his big brother

HAPPY BIRTHDAY # 8

 

With a happy heart and a smile

I gladly take the time to send

Fondest wishes in appreciation

Of the most special of friends

PUT DOWN # 11

Put downs work the best

For deflecting unwanted attention

But try to be amusing

As this relieves the tension

“Will you go out with me this Saturday”?

Is an invitation he may extend

So just reply to him

“Sorry. I have a headache this weekend”

PICKUP # 3

 

When you’re on the pull

If you want to break the ice

Say something funny

Or say something nice

Be devastatingly witty

Or say something clever

Be complimentary

Or just lie in your endeavour

“Let me introduce myself”

You can say to her

“You don’t look like the kind of girl

Who’ll sleep with a stranger”

LITTERBUG JITTERBUG

 

Discarded from a moving car

The litter travels very far

Each piece small or big

Performs a little merry jig

Each windblown piece at play

Participates in the ballet

Plastic bags float with ease

Waltzing high upon the breeze

Sweet papers flutter

Down in the gutter

Coke cans or maybe tango

Dance the tin can fandango

While larger papers jitterbug

Thanks to the litterbug