Put downs work the best
For deflecting
unwanted attention
But try to be amusing
As this relieves the
tension
If he says to you “I'm
a photographer
I've been looking for
a face like yours.”
Just reply “I'm a
plastic surgeon
I've been looking for
a face like yours.”
Alligators and Crocodiles
Swam the murky waters
Unchanged in their ancestry
And in their sons and daughters
Oh how time had left them
As the world kept spinning
Swimming the murky waters
Since the worlds beginning
Until they then fell foul
Of fashion entrepreneurs
Valuing them for their skins
For devotees of couture
I don’t think I have swine flu
As I haven’t been to
Mexico
But I don’t feel well
at all
I feel like crap if
you must know
I thought of the NHS
for advice
On the flu and perhaps
its tackling
So I phoned the swine
flu hotline
But all I got was
crackling
Absence makes the heart grow fonder
Is that really true I
wonder
Does it work without
fail
Or is it just an old wives
tale
I’m not sure the
advice is the best
And I’m fearful to put
it to the test
For if I were to go
away
For a month, a week, a
day
I fear I wouldn’t miss
you and pine
But would think our
separation fine
In order to keep supping
From the gravy train
The hangers on have
boarded
The chav express again
Moving the Goody show
To the stage from
satellite
So they can still cash
in
And keep her in the
spotlight
As if this crazy world
Wasn’t already
farcical
Now we have to suffer
Jade the fucking
musical
Life can really be
An awful bitch
Which is why, on balance
I would prefer to be
rich
There are some people
Those lucky dogs and
bitches
Who though little
effort
Amass immense riches
In numbered accounts
Their balances healthy
And they find
themselves
So incredibly wealthy
That they lose all
respect
For simple humanity
And that's the kind of
rich
That I want to be.
Georgie Porgie Pudding and Pie
Kissed the girls but didn’t know why.
When the boys came out to play
