EVERGREEN

 

In my youth

I was often heard to say

“Whatever”

Now I’m a senior

I’m more likely to say

“If ever”

HAIR CHOO

I’ve learned a valuable lesson

Which almost cost me an ear

Whatever you do don't sneeze

When someone is cutting your hair 

BIRDS

 

The world over the bird of peace

Is regarded to be the dove,

And there are many contenders

For the bird representing true love

However, on Friday and Saturday nights

Among the inebriated and the shallow

The bird that represents true love

Is regarded to be the swallow

LOVE MAKER

 

In my long life

I have found this to be true

It is impossible

To make someone love you

 

You have to accept this

Or adopt a different spin

By stalking them until they panic

And they finally give in

PUT DOWN # 1

 

Put downs work the best

For deflecting unwanted attention

But try to be amusing

As this relieves the tension

Just gaze into their eyes

And say to your pursuer

“Why don’t you slip into something

More comfortable… like a coma”

PLATEX WOMAN

 

What with middle age spread

And the force of gravity

Time has played havoc

With my once sylph like body

My hourglass figure is no more

Alas it’s more like a barometer case

And my “cross your heart” bra

Is more of a “cross your waist”

HEAD OF YEAR

In the fifties

My greatest fear

Was being called to see the headmaster

Now I’m in my fifties

My greatest fear

Is having to call the headmaster