AA

Why do they call it Alcoholics Anonymous

when the first thing they make you do

Is stand up in front of everyone and say

I am an alcoholic and my name is Sue

TWO WAY FAMILY FAVOURITES

 

My wife isn’t very keen on a 69

If I suggest it, she turns me down flat

What she really prefers is a 99

Because you get a flake with that

HI BROW?

The fashionable study

Of modern philosophy

Just lets us be unhappy

More intelligently

MNSTROINEE

 

Just answer me this one

At any rate

Is alphabet soup wasted?

On the illiterate

THE LABORS OF HERACLES # 03: THE CERYNITIAN HIND

 

Heracles when driven mad by the goddess Hera

Murdered his three children and his wife Megara

The Delphic oracle punished him for the murders

By ordering him to perform the Twelve Labors

The labors were set by king Eurystheus his cousin

Capturing a beast was the next labor he was given

He spent the next year hunting the Cerynitian hind

In Arcadia near the Ladon River it was there to find

The Cerynitian hind was a fleet-footed female deer

Who had golden horns and ran faster than a spear

The hind was sacred to goddess of the hunt Artemis

So Heracles dared not wound it and so dare not miss

So between tendons and bones he aimed with his bow

Pinning its legs without drawing blood with his arrow

Artemis was displeased but Heracles appeased her

Simply by blaming king Eurystheus his taskmaster

LONGSTREET MAYBE

 

Returning home, Bimbette was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized

She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime and then sat down and cried

The closest police officer to the burgled house was a dog handler and his canine friend

So officer Katarski and a German shepherd called Monty were the first ones to attend

As the officer approached the house with his dog on a lead Bimbette ran out at the sound

She shuddered at the sight of the policeman and his dog, then sat down on the ground

Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen”

I call the police for help, and what do they do? They actually send me a blind policeman!"

OH YES CHURCHILL

 

Have you ever held your dog’s face

And made him mad when you blow

But then when you take him out in the car

He sticks his head out of the window