VERY CUTTING

There is a weapon that becomes sharper

That is to say that it becomes even keener

Cutting even sharper the more it is used

Is it clear to you or are you still confused?

There can be only one answer in this life

Sharpening with use is the tongue of a wife

NIP IT IN THE BUD

I saved up for ages and I was going to have a face-lift

I was going to treat myself it was to be a sort of gift

It was when the day drew close doubts grew to suffice

I was in the doctor’s office and was put off to be precise

The thing I was most concerned about was his decor

He had artwork on every wall and even on the door

They were all out of perspective and looked askew

And I had a question about them if not one or two

Until I knew the answer the treatment, I would forgo

Were they sample of his work or portraits by Picaso?

LAND OF NOD

 

My mother has time on her hands

Now that she’s buried three husbands

But the thing that’s quite worrying

Is two of them were only napping

YOU MAKE YOUR BED

 When your married or in relationships

And you go out and order fish and chips

You notice what other men have ordered

Thinking their choices would be preferred

THE SQUIRT CUT ME UP

 

I was driving my wife’s car the other day

And someone cut me up while on my way

The problem is that things are less familiar

Switches are different to my own little car

I went to sound the horn at the car ahead

And then the windscreen washers squirted

With trickling water obscuring my vision

I reflected on the wisdom of my decision

I shouted at him in defiance like you do

“Bastard, now let that be a lesson to you”

THERE IS KNOWLEDGE I NEED TO KNOW # 6

 

There is knowledge I need to know

Which will give me the status of a king

For example, why do the words, flammable

And inflammable mean the same thing

AROMATIC

 

On an outing to our local shopping mall

I couldn’t find Mrs. Oliver there at all

She was a poor old woman in my care

And I couldn’t find the woman anywhere

I stood and thought hard about my task

And decided to go to information and ask

At the information desk Maureen sat

I wasn’t very hopeful I would say that

Though she didn’t look at all informing

I still told her that I had lost something

Blandly she said, “was it an umbrella”?

I told her the true nature of my dilemma

“Oh, what’s she like”? The woman said

Coffee and cake maybe a Danish instead

No what does she look like is what I mean

I laughed but the joke was lost on Maureen

“There’s a new coffee shop she may have tried”

“That’s a very good idea” I promptly replied

I gave her my thanks and I was on my way

“They have a distinctive smell don’t they”

“What coffee shops? Yes, they do I suppose”

“No old people” she said holding her nose