Friday, 26 February 2021

SPICE GIRL

 

It was the plan of my wife

To spice up our love life

This involved her dressing up

To encourage me to tup

Now I have to say I didn’t mind

Watching her bump and grind

But as she played her sexy role

She didn’t dance around a pole

Nor gyrate upon my lap

To encourage my old chap

But even with all the gyrating

My libido was still hesitating

In fact there wasn’t a glimmer

As she danced around her Zimmer

GETTING INTO FLORA

 

"I want to buy flowers for my girlfriend"

John said to the Florist

"Of course Sir, what is it you're after?"

The florist asks to assist

After a moment John replied

"Well, a shag would be top of my list"

STAGNANCY TEST

The way to help a blonde

Get a positive pregnancy test

Is to ejaculate into her shoes

And then let the flies do the rest

ONE FOR THE POT

 

Two missionaries are cooking in a pot

The natives are dancing round a lot

Every fifth circuit the dancers made

One man broke away from the parade

And with his club he hit a missionary

On the head which seems unnecessary

The chief is quite alarmed by all this

And demands to know what is amiss

“These men will be boiled and eaten

Why then do they need to be beaten”?

“Why do you keep hitting the edibles”?

“Because they’re eating the vegetables”

I PICKED UP A HITCHHIKER TODAY

I picked up a hitchhiker today

I know you’re not supposed to

But as I knocked him down

It was the least I could do

HAIR TODAY

I’m losing my hair so fast now

It’s vanishing without a trace

I noticed it because everyday

It takes longer to wash my face

ARE YOU WEARING CAMI-KNICKERS?

Are you wearing Cami-knickers?

Well might I ask the reason why?

Now they’re deliciously sexy things

Though not really appropriate on a guy