MEETING TIME

 

I have found in meetings

Where minutes are taken

Hours are wasted

Unless I am mistaken

HE’S A NUTTER

 

My dad told me that I’m daft

So I just hysterically laughed

I think then I must be going mad

Not really a lot, no just a tad

I must be going a little potty

Even eccentric or maybe dotty

When doctors act all smarmy

They really think I’m barmy

Sometimes things are a bit hazy

Obviously I’m just going crazy

Now I tell you I’m not larking

Honestly I’m just plain barking

What I’m called doesn’t matter

I’m still just mad as a hatter

When I say out loud that I’m nuts

I know the trick cyclist tuts

Now according to Siggy Freud

I’m really just being paranoid

But that doesn’t mean you see

That they’re not out to get me

And you’re never alone ha ha ha

With paranoid schizophrenia

BITTER PILL

 

It is pride that comes before my falls

When I’m in the room with padded walls

I can concur without any hesitation

Pride stopped me taking my medication

 

In a canvas coat with straps of leather

And buckles of steel in which to tether

To restrain safely the nurse believes

To put arms in the wrap around sleeves

 

So sat in my padded room rocking gently

In a state of calm reflection incidentally

And the subject of my quiet reflection

Pride stopping me taking my medication

ACTION

My younger sister reckons she’s an actress

She’s not a very good one I should stress

And her type of films tend to have no plot

Mum says she’s in Hollywood doing a pilot

Well that’s apparently my little sister’s claim

Knowing Sis as I do I’d like to ask his name

DOWN PATCH

 

Bruno was a young slavering Boxer

And quite an ugly looking brute

While Ginger was a Yorkshire terrier

And so by definition rather cute

On this summer evening it was

The first time the two dogs had ever met

While waiting with their humans

In the waiting room of the local vet

It was friendly Ginger who was the first

To speak and too break the ice

“There’s something stuck up my bum

And you know that’s not very nice”

“I’m a yorkie and they call me Ginger

What does your human call you?”

“I’m a Boxer called Bruno very pleased

To meet you, how do you do”?

“I’m here for more tests because

I don’t think they know what’s wrong”

Said ginger with resignation

 “Why are you here you look fit and strong”?

“Well” replied Bruno “you know how sultry

The weather’s been lately”

“I’m a young virile dog and to be honest

I’ve been feeling very fruity”

“I was patrolling the house last night

As normal when what do I find?”

“I found my human naked and bending over

So I jumped her from behind”

Ginger rather shocked said

 “So she’s brought you here to get you snipped”

“Well that’s what I thought at first

But she just want’s my toe nails clipped”

ARE YOU WEARING TIGHTS?

Are you wearing tights?

Or do you call them Pantyhose?

Maybe later I will find out

We’ll have to see how it goes