APPLY CAUTION

Potential Employers speak in a certain way

And can be strangers to the truth let’s say

When employers try to advance your career

You should read between the lines I fear

When employers reply to your application

And they offer you an “entry-level position:”

There true meaning you must try to gauge

For they mean you'll get the minimum wage

When employers reply to your application

And they offer you an “entry-level position:”

“In an up-and-coming company:” then I fear

Its minimum wage and bankrupt in a year

When employers reply to your application

And when they reply they happen to mention

A “casual work atmosphere:” when you start

Then the pays to poor for you to dress up smart

 

When employers reply to your application

“Flexible hours” might be a real temptation

What they means is that you work for forty

But they will only pay you for twenty-three

 

When employers reply to your application

“Some overtime required:” is the declaration

That means some time each and every night

And some more each weekend from first light

When employers reply to your application

Suggesting “apply in person:” for the position

This means if you’re obese, ugly or too old

Then the “position’s been filled” you’re told

 

When employers reply to your application

And “degree preferred” they may mention

They don’t want you if you have a degree

In something quite useless like Philosophy

When employers reply to your application

Looking for “career minded” dedication

Females should not be in the family way

And should be content to remain that way 

HI’S AND LO’S

 

There was a tight rope walker

On a high wire in Sydney harbour

While in London was another man

Being blown by an octogenarian

 

The men a thousand miles apart

Nearer the end than to the start

Have the same thought suddenly

Occurring to them simultaneously

 

There seems to be no comparing

Oral sex and tight rope walking

So, what makes both men frown?

Well, the thought of looking down

DON’T LET YOUR CONSCIENCE BE YOUR GUIDE

In my long experience of a life lived well

And it’s in self-indulgence in what I excel

A conscience is the thing that hurts you so

When everything else feels good you know

STAN THE MAN

 

Now my little mate Stan

Casts no shadow on the floor

While I’m a well-made man

Of eighteen stone or more

 

And my little mate Stan

Stands only five foot four

While I’m a very tall man

And hit my head on the door

 

So now my little mate Stan

Looks like a famine survivor

Whereas I on the other hand

Look like I caused it for sure

IF AT FIRST, AGAIN

Robert the Bruce once decreed

While he was in a cave to hide

That if at first you don't succeed

Destroy any evidence you tried

DIRT WON’T KILL YOU

 

“We all eat a pinch before we die”

Or so I've heard the saying go

But the closeness of the events

Is what no one seems to know

ORANGE JUICE MODE

Peach, Bimbette and Soiree spent

Over twenty minutes looking vacant

At an orange juice can staring straight

Because the label read "concentrate."