POLLIDAY

 

My sons on holiday right now

He’s left his home in tooting

He’s gone somewhere in Africa

Saying he was going parachuting

 

I was surprised when he told me

Because he suffers from vertigo

It’s not his normal kind of trip

But I admire him for having a go

 

He’s never mentioned an interest

Before in the sport of parachuting

I will ask him how he got on

When he’s back at home in tooting

 

He’s never been very adventurous

When it comes to eating either

So I was taken by surprise when

He said he’d eaten parrot burger

 

How did you get on with the vertigo?

I asked when he was home in tooting

What are you on about mother?

What’s that got to do with shooting

POLES AND HOLES

 

If the people from Poland

Are known as Poles

Why aren't people from Holland

Known as Holes

TELL ME

 

Tell me do infants

Enjoy infancy

As much as adults

Enjoy adultery?

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT

 

If you are arrested for being violent

You have the right to remain silent

If you are dealing with the gutter press

You still have the same rights I guess

Anything you do say, however true

Will be misquoted and used against you

AND THE WINNER IS

 

How is it that the American voters get to choose?

From presidential candidates that come in two’s

From just two to decide who runs the free world

But chose from fifty to have Miss America unveiled

SMART MODE

Bigfoot is unlike a smart Model

      And that’s certainly always been

Because unlike an intelligent model

      A Bigfoot has actually been seen

GLASNOST

 

It would take a hundred and fifty-two communists

To change a light bulb in a socialist republic

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a new bulb

Fifty to establish the state production quota for it

A hundred militia to force production with the unions

And one to secretly order one on the Internet