DIVORCED MEN NEVER CHANGE

 

How many divorced men does it take?

To change a faulty light bulb today

None, is the answer because they

Never get to keep the house anyway

VENTING HER SPLEEN

A young ventriloquist is working on the circuit of bars and pubs

Occasionally he manages to get a couple of evenings at nightclubs

Normally he will perform his act to a room full of drunken blokes

On one such night he’s doing his usual act including blonde jokes

When a big blonde woman in the front stands on her chair and says

"I’m sick to death of demeaning blonde jokes and your sexist ways

Tell me why does my hair color effect my worth as a human being?

Why do you stereotype blonde women that way its very demeaning?”

Embarrassed he began to apologize only getting out a word or three

"You stay out of this, I'm talking to that little bastard on your knee!"

WESTMINSTER ALL CHANGE

 

It would take four Politicians

To change a light bulb, I admit

One to change it in the first place

And the other three to deny it 

ULTRA LARGE

 

At the time my wife was first pregnant

It was a very difficult time I’ll grant

It wasn’t until we went for the scan

To view the picture of baby as you can

That I realized why she was so stout

For she was pregnant without a doubt

Until that day I thought I’d endured

Because she was fat and bad tempered

IT’S A LOTTERY

 

When I win the jackpot on the lottery

I have a plan, and this is what I suggest

I will spend half on wine women and song

At least and then I’ll just waste the rest

HOME CHILDREN

 

Well, there was a knock on the door last night

The peace of household was shattered all right

It was bedlam and the kids were having a fight

Disgruntled I got up and switched on the light

 

When I opened the door, I half expected to find

The Jehovah witness’s or something of the kind

The milkman collecting his son running behind

Some kind of salesman with forms to be signed

 

Instead, I found a couple in middle aged I suppose

Rattling a tin collecting for what god knows

Good evening were collecting for Dr Bernados

1 glanced back; good you can take one of those

SAVED

 

The Salvation Army tries to perform

The thankless task of social reform

Treading the weary path to glory

Saving poor girls from Iniquity

 

If they are saving fallen women

I’ve just one thing to say then

When saving girls from Iniquity

Save the red headed one for me