THE CHICKEN AND THE EGG LAY

 

The chicken and the egg

Lay in the afterglow

He lit a cigarette and said

“Well now we know”

ARE YOU WEARING A LOOK OF SATISFACTION?

 

Are you wearing a look of satisfaction?

Well, that blush is a tell-tale sight

You have clearly been indulging

In a spot of afternoon delight

ARE YOU WEARING BAGGY DUNGAREES?

 

Are you wearing baggy dungarees?

Oh yes, they’re the bee’s knees

And I can get inside them with ease

In fact, I can have them round your knees

Quicker than you can sneeze

Oh yes, I like your baggy dungarees

G-SPOT

 

There was supposed to be

A documentary last night on Cable

It was all about the g-spot

I did try to find it, but I wasn’t able      

MEN LIKE LOGIC AND SEX

 

Men like logic and sex

In fact, they really like it

But sex better than logic

Though I can't prove it

THE SEX WAS SO GOOD LAST NIGHT

 

The sex was so good last night

With my girlfriend Bimbette

That after it was over even

The neighbours had a cigarette.

WHY DID THE VOYEUR CROSS THE ROAD?

 

Why did the voyeur cross the road?

Well not just to get to the other side

The reason he wanted to cross over

Was so he could find somewhere to hide

LET’S TRY ROLE PLAY

 

She said “Let’s try role play

My dirty little mister”

“Ok” he agreed “I’ll be me

And you can be your sister”

NO MATTER YOUR PERSUASION

 

No matter your persuasion

Sex is not the answer

Sex is actually the question

And “Yes” is the answer

I WENT TO A TALK ABOUT THE WHEELBARROW

 

I went to a talk about the Wheelbarrow

Just another boring gardening talk

But I was wrong, it was totally enthralling

Next week’s position is the crab walk

ARE YOU WEARING BLUE LIPSTICK?

 

Are you wearing blue lipstick?

Then you must be a Dutch chick

Because I’ve heard the song Ma’am

About blue lips from Amsterdam

MY WIFE IS A SEX OBJECT

My wife is a sex object

Though I still have respect

But whenever I ask for sex,

She will always object 

CHRISTMAS PICKUP # 1

 

When you’re on the pull

If you want to break the ice

Say something funny

Or say something nice

Be complimentary

Or just lie in your endeavour

Be devastatingly witty

Or say something clever

During the Christmas season

Walk up to them and say

“They call me Jingle Bells

Because I go all the way”

THE LATEST GOSSIP IS IN FROM THE NORTH POLE

 

The latest gossip is in from the North Pole

And the Claus’s have divorced you know

So why did Santa divorce Mrs. Claus?

Because he found out she was a ho ho ho

SCROOGE HATES CHRISTMAS

 

Scrooge hates Christmas

But loves all of the reindeer

And the simple reason for that is

To him every buck is dear

YOU CAN LIKEN WOMEN’S BREASTS

 

You can liken women’s breasts to a

Birthday gift of a train set, for lads

They were originally meant for kids

But who gets to play with them, Dads

ARE YOU WEARING A BUNCH OF MISTLETOE?

 

Are you wearing a bunch of mistletoe?

Well, you certainly mean business

Isn’t that overkill? “Less is more” after all

But you know what you’re doing I guess

Are you aiming at a particular beau?

Do you have a target in mind?

Or are you more indiscriminate

Scattergun like or something of the kind

Oh, so there is an object of your affections

Is it perhaps someone that I know?

It’s someone I know very well indeed?

I still don’t know the identity of your beau

It’s me? I’m the one you desire?

You want to kiss me beneath the mistletoe?

CHRISTMAS PICKUP # 6

 

When you’re on the pull

If you want to break the ice

Say something funny

Or say something nice

Be complimentary

Or just lie in your endeavour

Be devastatingly witty

Or say something clever

During the Christmas season

Walk up and simply ask her

“If she would like to meet

Santa's little helper?”

DO YOU KNOW WHAT SANTA BRINGS

 

Do you know what Santa brings naughty

Boys and girls so they are not excluded?

It’s not coal anymore so don’t think that

Its batteries, labelled "toy not included"

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SANTA CLAUS

 

The difference between Santa Claus

And a serial philanderer as it goes

Is in essence a total lack of self-control

Because Santa stopped at three ho’s