Christmas is coming, the Geese are getting fat
The bird is a little fatty but I don’t mind that
If you haven’t got a Goose then a Turkey
will do
If you haven’t got a Turkey, I’m not dining
with you
Wednesday, 30 November 2022
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 13
ARE YOU WEARING RED VELVET?
Are you wearing red velvet?
That’s
really nice to see
And so,
fitting for the season
It makes me
feel so Christmassy
CHRISTMAS EVE IN THE WORKHOUSE # 1
It’s Christmas Eve in the workhouse,
And not a
hint of the seasons in sight
No
stockings hang by the fire side
WHILE BROKERS WATCHED THEIR STOCK BY NIGHT
While brokers watched
Their stock
by night
In the
heart of London town
The angel of
the Lord came down
And turned
off the power
And turned
off the power
While
brokers looked
Into their
blank monitors
Stop
messing she was bade
There’s
lots of money to be made
Turn on the
bloody power
Turn on the
bloody power
You seem to
be missing
The true
meaning of Christmas
The angel
calmly explained
In the
darkness of the exchange
They did
not listen to her
They wanted
only power
I am not
hear for God
I am here
at my own bidding
The angel
was ranting and raving
You lost my
bloody savings
When they
told to her the risks
She fried
them to a crisp
CHRISTMAS HERALD
The Christmas lights are up
The shops
play Christmas tunes
The Santa’s
are out in force
In their
red and white platoons
Christmas
goodies are on display
The best
selections ever seen
Which sends
the message out
That it’s
nearly Halloween
THE GIFT GIVER
The Christmas trees are trimmed
And all the
halls are decked
Santa has
made his list
And all the
names are checked
The
reindeer have been harnessed
The sleigh
is loaded high
Santa
climbs into his seat
And they’re
off into the sky
Santa goes
from roof to roof
From city
to city and town to town
He finds
the chimney pot
Then takes
the presents down
And the
gift giver goes about his work
So that
every girl and boy
Can awake
on Christmas morning
And unwrap
that wanted toy
MY EVERGREENS
Oh, Holly and my Ivy
Of all the
girls I’ve known
When they
dress in the Santa gear
They really
ring my bell
MERRY CHRISTMAS SIR
Merry Christmas sir, I’m your paper boy
I bring you
daily tidings of peace and joy
I know that
at 6am that no one knocks
But how
else would I get my Christmas box
JINGLE BELLS
Jingle bells, jingle bells,
Jingle all the way.
I’ve got a gun and a clever disguise
To rob the
bank on its busiest day
Jingle bells, jingle bells,
Jingle all the way.
We got caught do you know why?
SCROOGE AND GRINCH
Scrooge and Grinch
Don’t
believe in Christmas
When the
carolers come along
They start
to swear and cuss
Ebeneezer
Scrooge is a skinflint
A mean and
grasping old miser
Who buys
from the pound shop
And sells
them at a fiver
Little more
than a grouch
Is the
Christmas stealing Grinch
Who to
miserable to be happy
He steals
your Christmas by the inch
The tale is
told of redemption
After the
ghostly haunting stunt
The Grinch whole-hearted
and loving
Says merry
Christmas with a grunt
Scrooge and
Grinch never changed
They were
just putting on a front
MOTHER CHRISTMAS, THANKS
Mums make Christmas
Only
they can
That
is a fact of life
Her
mission is simple
Every
year
Recreating
the day
Christmas
for her
Holidays
for her
Require
of her to
Illuminate
the season
Supply
an army
Trim
and decorate
Make
and manufacture
Aid
and assist
Sustain
and nourish
Thank
her
Honour
her
Assist
her
Neglect
her not
Kids
and spouses
Should
respect her
Tuesday, 29 November 2022
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 307
Saw ye Eppie Marly, honey,
The woman that sells anything, honey?
She's lost her virtue and a' her money,
Wi' following a Goodtime Charlie, honey.CANDY CANES, CINNAMON AND GINGER
Candy Canes,
Cinnamon and Ginger
Are some of my
favourite
Christmas things
Especially when
They’re only wearing
Christmas Stockings
And Popcorn Strings
IF YOU PUT CANDY CANES ON THE TREE
If you put Candy canes on the tree
And Popcorn on strings
Then let me give the
kind of advice
That experience brings
Don’t pack them away
after the
Bell of New Year rings
Otherwise, next year
they will be
Seriously unsavoury
things
IF YOU PUT CANDY CANES ON THE TREE
If you put Candy canes on the tree
And Popcorn on strings
Then let me give the
kind of advice
That experience brings
Don’t pack them away
after the
Bell of New Year rings
Otherwise, next year
they will be
Seriously unsavoury
things
IN THE CHRISTMAS VILLAGE
In the Christmas village
At the North Pole
There is much
excitement
Being kept under
control
As there is to be an
election
For every Elf and
Troll
Votes can of course be
cast
At the North Poll
AUGUST EXPECTATIONS FADE
August expectations fade and this season
My team has once again
failed to impress
Our end of season
video will once again
Be in the shops in
time for Christmas
CHRISTMAS KEBAB
I love a Kebab at Christmas
More than any other
time of year
Their infinite variety
of fillings
Fills me with
Christmas cheer
You don’t have to eat
the same
Stereotypical stuffed
pitta
Apart from Donner you
can have
Comet, Cupid, Dancer
and Dasher
ARE YOU WEARING A TARTAN SKIRT?
Are you wearing a Tartan skirt?
And what’s above your
socks?
If I were able to take
a look
I could maybe see the
Trossachs
CHRISTMAS DAY JUST AFTER LUNCH
Christmas day just after Lunch
My family, being a fun-loving
bunch
Engage
enthusiastically one and all
In parlour games to
enthral
At first the alcohol
fuelled the fun
And a good time was
had by everyone
However, as the day
wore on
With all self-control
long gone
The games degenerate
into farce
As an opponent is
knocked on his arse
And the afternoon ends
in tears
As it has done across
the years
And dad makes his
annual decree
“Games are forthwith banned”
said he
MY BROTHER WAS FIVE YEARS MY SENIOR
My brother was five years my senior
So, he always led me
astray
He took me on a hunt
every December
Leading up to
Christmas day
To find the presents
that mum and dad
Had cunningly stashed
away
EVERY YEAR WITHOUT FAIL - SANTA
Every year without fail
On Christmas Eve
It would appear
And we children
Would squeal out
A deafening cheer
When the source
Of our excitement
Was carefully set down
And we would sit
In our clean pajama’s
And dressing gown
And stare at the
object
Open mouthed
In gleeful expectation
Of what was beneath
The cotton wool and
Red crepe paper
creation
We would have to wait
The longest time
In anticipation
But it was worth it
Too see inside the
belly
Of Santa’s incarnation
And when we thought
We could wait no
longer
We all jumped to our
feet
As Dad slowly removed
The pink faced head
And revealed the
treats
And as Dad gave Santa
A little shake, out
spilled
The Christmas sweets
Monday, 28 November 2022
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 306
Rub a dub dub
Three men in a tub
I bet no one predicted
that
When they met in the
pub
ARE YOU WEARING FAIRY DUST?
Are you wearing fairy dust?
If you’re a fairy, it
really is a must
But the one thing I
cannot tell
Are you the one called
Tinkerbelle?
FROSTY THE SNOWMAN REALLY LOST HIS TEMPER
Frosty the snowman really lost his temper
And his behaviour was
an absolute disgrace
He kept going on about
an aggressive carrot
And he kept saying
"just get out of my face"
EVERY YEAR WITHOUT FAIL - FROSTY
Every year without fail
On Christmas Eve
It would appear
And we children
Would squeal out
A deafening cheer
When the source
Of our excitement
Was carefully set down
And we would sit
In our clean pyjama’s
And dressing gown
And stare at the
object
Open mouthed
In gleeful expectation
Of what was beneath
The cotton wool and
Crepe paper creation
We would have to wait
The longest time
In anticipation
But it was worth it
Too see inside the
belly
Of Frosty’s
incarnation
And when we thought
We could wait no
longer
We all jumped to our
feet
As Dad slowly removed
The carrot faced head
And revealed the
treats
And as Dad gave Frosty
A little shake, out
spilled
The Christmas sweets
THE YOUNG ELF EDUCATIONALISTS
The young Elf Educationalists
Have discovered an
alarming theme
Those who struggle to
learn the Elf-abet
Will in later life
suffer low Elf esteem
NOVELTY TREE CHOCOLATES
When we were kids,
Before we went to bed,
My brothers and me
Were allowed a pick
A novelty chocolate
Off the Christmas tree
SNOWFLAKES FALL STEADILY
Snowflakes fall steadily
As the wind blows
Laying deeper and
deeper
As her progress slows
Knee deep she trudged
Through the deep snows
So, I go and rescue
her
From out of the snows
To get her safe
indoors
Out of the snows
Though not for
kindness
Heaven only knows
It was to get her out
Of her ho ho hose
THE OFFICE CHRISTMAS PARTY WAS IN FULL SWING
The office Christmas party
Was in full swing
Cheap plonk and
nibbles
That kind of thing
From someone’s iPod
Loud Music played
And to that music
Eager bodies swayed
IF YOU ARE OUT CAROL SINGING
If you are out Carol Singing
And you dry during the
song
Just stop and take a
deep breath
Then Keep calm and
Carol on
ANOTHER OFFICE CHRISTMAS PARTY
The office party
Was in full swing
From a Radio
Music played
Too loud for my taste
And overly jolly
For my mood.
Wine was consumed
In copious quantities
As eagerly
As the temps
Who imbibed it
And the more it flowed
The more inappropriate
The behaviour became
It was noisy
Raucous and unseemly
And I had seen enough
So I drained my glass
And prepared to leave
Which was when I saw
her
Standing alone
In a quiet corner
Gazing into space
An untouched drink
In her hand
And sadness in her
eyes.
She seemed oblivious
To events unfolding
In the office, It was
like
She was elsewhere
I hoped wherever it
was
Was a happier place
She looked so sad.
I was drawn to her
Though not out of
sympathy
It was in equal
measure
Recognition of a
kindred spirit
And a kind of
curiosity
To determine the
reason
For such great sadness
Amidst the jollity
Of another Christmas
Had she too lost
The object of her
affections?
“Hello” I said
“Not enjoying it?”
She shook her head
“Let’s leave then”
I suggested
She smiled weakly
And nodded her accent
And we slipped away
When she smiled
She was much prettier
From that moment
I took it upon myself
To ensure she would
Never be sad again
That was forty years
ago
And we’re still happy
Sunday, 27 November 2022
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 305
Kitty Fisher took a tumble
And her skirts went
all akimbo
And as her legs flew
in the air
You could see she’d
gone commando
ARE YOU WEARING WHITE TINSEL?
Are you wearing white tinsel?
Tied amidst your
lustrous curls
It makes you look so beautiful
And more like an angel
than a girl
RED SUIT
Santa Claus wears his famous red suit
As down another
Chimney he’ll shoot
But no one knows
what’s under there
He likes dressing in
Ladies underwear
HAND KNITTED GLOVES
Hand knitted gloves
Scarves and hats
Novelty slippers
A book of cricket
stats
Soap on a rope
Hankies and socks
These are examples
Of my Christmas box
IF YOU LISTEN CAREFULLY
IF YOU LISTEN
CAREFULLY
If you listen
carefully
Late on Christmas Eve
You might hear a sound
You might not believe
For behind the
skirting
In the quiet of the
house
The little creatures
say
Happy Christmouse
THE CHRISTMAS PARTY IS OVER
The Christmas party is over
And so, I guess
It’s now the time to
wish you
A Happy Christmess
CELEBRATING CRIMBO
Some drunken bimbo
With legs akimbo
Showing off her bits
From ankle to pits
Lay in the gutter
And was heard to utter
To a fellow bimbo
Hacky crambo
CHRISTMAS SPOILERS
The Christmas spoilers
Will soon be with us
again
And that as you well
know
Means the bloody
children
THE QUEEN’S SPEECH
The Queen it would appear
Gets a TV special
every year
But one of my many
queries
Is why does she never
get a series?
THE BEST FORM OF EXERCISE
The best form of exercise
Is sex! Well, that’s
what they say
But five minutes at
Christmas
Won’t take my beer gut
away
Wednesday, 23 November 2022
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 304
There was a Ship sailed away to Spain
All the way there it
was lashed with rain
And when they arrived
at last in Spain
Where the rain didn’t
fall in the main
I DON’T MEAN TO GO INTO A PANIC
I don’t mean to go into a panic
Or cause a massive
fuss
But there are now only
twelve
MY WIFE LOVES EXCHANGING PRESENTS
My wife loves exchanging presents
Happily, amidst the
Christmas cheer
In fact, she enjoys it
so very much
She exchanges my gift
every year
RED BIKE
One Christmas
I got a big Red Bike
With white mudguards
All new and shiny like
But alas it was gone
Again, on Boxing Day
It belonged to the
post office
So, the police took it
away
ARE YOU WEARING BLUE TINSEL?
Are you wearing blue tinsel?
Tied amidst your lustrous
curls
Not a festive hue and
yet
You have it amidst the
curls
So is it a statement
or was it
The only colour you
could get
HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO YOU BOTH
Happy Christmas to you both
See, we did remember
Because you are so
dear
Just like every year
We will never forget
We just wish and wish
You were still here
Just like every year
We will remember
And take a pause
Amidst the cheer
Just like every year
So, we wish you
A happy Christmas
And wipe away a tear
Just like every year
Mary Evelyn Curtis
20/1/1921 – 29/3/1993
Harold Curtis 30/6/1922
– 8/5/1978
I DON'T WANT MUCH FOR CHRISTMAS
I don't want much for Christmas
What I want is quite
naïve
And an unrealistic expectation
I just want everybody to be happy
I know it’s a forlorn hope
But miracles do happen
at Christmas
THROUGHOUT THE YULETIDE SEASON
Throughout the yuletide season
In the light of the
fireside glow
Christmas garlands are
strung
Of Holly, Ivy, and
Mistletoe
ON CHRISTMAS EVE, A NUTCRACKER
On Christmas Eve, a nutcracker
Is turned into a
handsome Prince,
Clara saves him from
the Mouse King
And go to the land of
sweets and mints
There they dance
around for a bit
Before the Prince
takes Clara as his belle
And they marry and
that’s The End
And that is the
nutcracker in a nutshell
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 303
There was a chandler making candles
For all the convent
girls to handle
Where at night the
Sister would shout
ARE YOU WEARING GREEN TINSEL?
Are you wearing green tinsel?
Tied around your
lustrous curls
Like a goddess of the
woods
Are you one of the
“nature” girls?
SNIP! SNAP! CHRISTMAS
Snip! Snap! Dragon!
Here comes the flaming bowl
So let mischief take its toll
Just as festive Christmas comes
Snatch at the feast of
plums
In amongst the
Brandy’s flame
It’s our favourite
Christmas game
ARCTIC EDUCATION
At the North Pole
If an education is sought
You won’t get any
training
Everyone is Elf taught
BREAKFAST TIME COMES
Breakfast time comes
Just after day breaks
When Frosty the
snowman
Eats his Snowflakes
IF THE STORK WAS TO VISIT
If the stork was to visit
Santa and Mrs. Claus
The child would
naturally be called
The subordinate Claus
ORANGES ARE NOT THE ONLY FRUIT
When my Dad was just a boy
He never saw a lemon
or Lime
And oranges only ever
appeared
IT WAS CHRISTMAS EVE IN DAD’S HOUSE
It was Christmas Eve in Dad’s house,
And not a hint of the
season in sight
No stockings hang by
the fire side
He was such a
miserable old shite
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 302
Little girl, little girl where have you been?
Have you been visiting London Zoo
Or gathering roses to give to the Queen.
Oh you went to get another Tattoo
GRANDMA GOT RUN OVER BY A REINDEER
Grandma got run over by a reindeer
When into the roadway
she strayed
It was an accident
waiting to happen
Because Santa Claus
was totally slayed
A MAN BOUGHT A CHRISTMAS TREE
A man bought a Christmas tree
He got it off the
shelf
But he was rushed to A
& E
After putting it up
himself
A NOVELTY CHRISTMAS CAPER
It was a novelty Christmas caper
I was given some
Sudoku toilet paper
Not a gift I would
choose
You can only use
number 1s and 2s
SANTA’S NEW TEAM
All of Santa’s new electric Reindeer
Were all lined up by
the charger
Waiting patiently in
turn to use it
As Santa and Rudolf
looked on
Santa asked “Shall I
tell the others
Or would you rather do
it?”
NEW PUPILS
At the North Pole, For those
Not begun Schooling
yet,
Must firstly be
enrolled
And then taught the
Elphabet
SNOW GLOBE NIGHTMARE
Last night I dreamed I was trapped
In a snow globe, until
I could waken
And when I awoke from
that dream
I have to say I was
badly shaken
A GIFT YOU CAN’T REFUSE
Christmas lists are short
As nobody wants a fuss
Or make demands on
The Godfather
Christmas
EATON COLLEGE ADVENT CALENDAR
You can now buy an Eaton College
Advent calendar
I’ve never seen one
before
There are no overt
messages
But there is someone
there
To open every door
ARE YOU WEARING ANY CLOTHES?
Are you wearing any clothes?
My little Christmas
elf
You’re supposed to
dress the tree!
Not undress yourself
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 301
Hickory dickory dock
The mice ran up the
clock
The clock struck one
But the others escaped
unscathed
ARE YOU WEARING TINSEL?
Are you wearing tinsel?
Draped about your
figure
Like a festive feather
boa
Just covering your treasure
How seductive you
appear
A little package of
pleasure
You dance and prance
So full of vim and
vigour
Now let me pull the
tinsel
Then you can pull my
trigger
AT THANKSGIVING TIME
At thanksgiving time
Turkeys, will like as
not
Do the thanksgiving
dance
Known as the turkey
trot
WHY DID THE TURKEY CROSS THE ROAD? # 1
Why did the turkey cross the road?
There was a very
simple reason
It was due to a lack
of options for a Turkey
During the Christmas
season
WHY DID THE TURKEY CROSS THE ROAD? # 2
Why did the turkey cross the road?
There was a very
simple reason
It was due to a lack
of options for a Turkey
During the
Thanksgiving season
WHY DID THE TURKEY CROSS THE ROAD? # 3
Why did the turkey cross the road?
Well contrary to the fable
It was to avoid ending
up
On the Thanksgiving
table
Tuesday, 22 November 2022
WHY DID THE TURKEY CROSS THE ROAD? # 4
Why did the turkey cross the road?
Well contrary to the
fable
It was to avoid ending
up
On the Christmas table
IF ONLY YOUR LEFT LEG WAS THANKSGIVING
If only your left leg was Thanksgiving
And your right leg was
Christmas day
Then I could devote
all of my time
WHEN SANTA RETURNED HOME
When Santa returned home
To have his tea
His wife was there
Waiting apprehensively
“There was a phone
call for you”
Said Mrs. C
“It was a little
garbled
And made no sense to
me
Something about
Saville
And Operation Yewtree”
GROPIUS THE EIGHTH DWARF
Gropius the eighth dwarf
Is no longer a
performer
Since all the allegations
He’s on the offender’s
register
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 300
Baa Baa black sheep
Have you any wool?
Please say yes sir
To make my wagon full
No, I don’t have any
wool
You bloody Wally
I’m not a sheep
I’m your Border Collie
SEE THE HAPPY FACES GLOWING
It’s Christmas time again
See the happy faces
glowing
Putting love in every
heart
Until they’re overflowing
ABANDONING THE NATIVITY
It’s ironic that schools
Are abandoning the
nativity
When half a dozen
Schoolgirls
Could play the Virgin
Mary
Although they’re not
virgins
They do have their own
baby
SO WHEN YOUNG MRS CLAUS ARRIVED IN TOWN
So, when young Mrs Claus arrived in town
I looked at her with
her pure white hair
She was a pretty woman
but to my discredit
I couldn’t help
thinking as I looked at her
How I like the collar
and cuffs to match
So obviously I was
thinking of a little white fur
A PRESS RELEASE FROM SANTA CLAUS STATED
A press release from Santa Claus stated
That the Poles
reputation had been blighted
So Mobile phones were
banned, the number
Of indecent Elfies was
the reason cited
THEY WON’T BE PLAYING MUSICAL CHAIRS
They won’t be playing musical chairs
In palaces or Royal
homes
Prince Charles prefers
to play a variant
Called Game of Thrones
IF YOU’RE A TAKE THAT FAN
If you’re a Take That fan
Then Christmas could
be shocking
If you’re expecting to
find
An Orange in your
stocking
NO FRANKINCENSE, GOLD OR MYRRH
Melchior, Balthazar, and Caspar
Travelled long with
Gifts to bring
Not frankincense, Gold,
or myrrh
Or other valuable
precious things
But non glutenous food
stuffs
As they were Wheat
Free Kings
YOU CAN LIKEN IT TO RUDOLF
Why does the Easter Bunny
Have such a shiny
nose?
You can liken it to
Rudolf
The thing actually
glows
Well, the answer is
obvious
And I don’t mean to
offend
But it’s because his
powder puff
Is stuck to his rear
end
A BLONDE GIFT
Bimbette got a new scarf for Christmas
But in the New Year
she exchanged it
The store took it back
without a quibble
Even though she said
it was too tight a fit
Monday, 21 November 2022
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 299
Taffy was a Welshman
He came from Porthcawl
I think if he were
from Cardiff
He’d hardly be Welsh
at all
“Taffy was a Welshman
was an actual nursery rhyme
Popularised in the 18th
Century, so don’t blame me”
ARE YOU WEARING CHRISTMAS DRAWERS?
Are you wearing Christmas drawers?
I would like a look at
yours
I bet a pound to a
penny
You’re not wearing any
There we have it at
last
You are as I thought
bare arsed
Of course, it makes
you look loose
Even if you have an
excuse
Well that really is
shocking
You’re supposed to
hang a stocking
FOGHORN LEGHORN AND ALL HIS PALS # 2
Foghorn leghorn and all his pals
Have all chosen to
assemble
Their very own chicken
choir
Which is called a
Hensemble
LIFE’S VEXATIONS # 7
I hate it when buying sunglasses
When I find a pair, I
want to try
And that stupid little
plastic thing
Dangles right in front
of my eye
MY BOYFRIEND IS JUST LIKE SANTA CLAUS
My boyfriend is just like Santa Claus
Though he doesn’t
fulfil a single wish
And he doesn’t give me
presents
But he’s like Santa
because he’s a myth
WHERE THE LONELY ELVES GO
The “house of fun” in Santa’s village
Is where lonely elves
go to take pause
And the owner proudly
boasts that
He has more ho’s than
Santa Claus
SANTA’S YOUNGEST DAUGHTER MARY
Santa’s youngest daughter Mary
Was promiscuous and
out of control
So, he sent her to a
girl’s boarding school
To keep her off the
North Pole
THE DAUGHTER OF ONE OF SANTA’S ELVES
The daughter of one of Santa’s Elves
Was out of control and
a bit of a prancer
So, he sent her to
college in Lapland
To stop her from being
a pole dancer
But she soon dropped
out of college
And now she’s a popular lap dancer
THERE IS A POPULAR MYTH ABOUT RUDOLPH
There is a popular myth about Rudolph
And his quite
legendary shiny nose
But believe me if you
ever saw him
You would know that’s
not what glows
HE CAME HOME ON CHRISTMAS EVE
He came home on Christmas Eve
On his long-awaited
Christmas leave
The soldier returned
from the war
To find his beloved
waiting at the door
It took seconds for
passions to ignite
Which made it a
Not-so-Silent Night
Sunday, 20 November 2022
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 298
Taffy was a Welshman,
Taffy was a thief;
Taffy came to my house
And stole a piece of beef.
I should mention in
the interest
Of political
correctness
That not all Welshmen
Are called taffy
And not all Welshmen
Are thieves or indeed
Have a liking for
someone else’s beef.
But this particular
Welshman
In the 18th Century
Nursery Rhyme
Was indeed called
taffy
And he was a thieving
bastard
“Taffy was a Welshman
was an actual nursery rhyme
Popularised in the 18th
Century, so don’t blame me”
FOGHORN LEGHORN DIDN’T LIKE TO GO OUT
Foghorn Leghorn didn’t like to go out
It made his heartbeat
quicken
So, he wouldn’t even
cross the road
Because he was a chicken
LIFE’S VEXATIONS # 6
When you’re only browsing
In a department store
Five different salespeople
Sometimes even more
Pestering and prying
and
Asking if they can
assist you
But when you need a one
There’s never one in
view
ARE YOU WEARING XMAS STOCKINGS?
Are you wearing Xmas stockings?
With a holly wreath
motif
Along those long
festive garlands
How I wish to trace
each leaf
Along each luscious
limber leg
An ascent exquisitely
brief
To reach the Christmas
gift
Beyond the holly
wreath motif
I DON’T LIKE THE SHORTENED FORM
I don’t like the shortened form
Of Christmas, it’s not
quaint
I dislike it because
Xmas sounds
Like some kind of skin
complaint
DON’T LOOK BACKWARDS, MERELY
Don’t look backwards, merely
Half-heartedly and
insincerely
Remember those
Christmas’s clearly
And remember the
people dearly
WHEN YOU ARE IN A LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP
When you are in a long-term relationship
On Birthdays,
Valentines, and Anniversaries
Your normally rational
other halves
Turn into fire
breathing adversaries
And those once happy
and joyous occasions
Become life and death
quests to test us
To see if we can find
the perfect present
And that goes double
for Christmas
DOWN AT THE SHOPPING MALL
Down at the shopping mall
There’s a lot of
bustle and fuss
As the registers ring
its beginning
To cost a lot like
Christmas
THEY SAY THAT IT’S THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS
They say that it’s the thought that counts
Rather than the size
of the gift
But if you decided to
give everyone your
Opinion in lieu they might
be miffed
WE LOST THE TRUE MEANING OF CHRISTMAS
We lost the true meaning of Christmas
Almost from the start
It’s become about
what’s in your pocket
And not what's in your
heart
Saturday, 19 November 2022
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 297
Kind hearts are gardens,
Kind thoughts are roots,
Kind words are
blossoms,
Kind deeds are fruits.
But none of this
rubbish
Gets the bloody grass
cut
ARE YOU WEARING CHRISTMAS TIGHTS?
Are you wearing Christmas tights?
Adorned with a festive
motif
Well, if those long
festive limbs
Decorated with
Christmas motif
Were to entwine about
me
Then my resistant
would be brief
ARE YOU A CHRISTMAS FAIRY?
Are you a Christmas Fairy?
It’s just you’re a
little bit scary
And you also look a
bit weird
I think it’s the long
ginger beard
SHE HAD A VERY FRUSTRATING CHRISTMAS
She had a very frustrating Christmas
Such was the
impression she exuded
Apparently, the gift
from Ms Summers
Was labelled
“batteries not included”
YOU CAN KEEP THE SLEIGH # 2
You can keep the sleigh
And Rudolph and
Prancer
There’s nothing Santa
likes
More than a Pole
Dancer
THE BRUSSELS SPROUTS
To some people
They can cause
distress
But there is a
sentiment
I‘d like to express
Sprouts are for life
Not just for Christmas
HOMELESS SNOWMAN
He was dressed in rags
And made from snow
A poor homeless
snowman
A sad lonely snowbo
MRS CLAUS WAS COURTED
Mrs Claus was courted
By Santa and a man
called Ray
Ray was a flash Harry
Who drove a red
Chevrolet
Well, it was no
contest
At the end of the day
Because although he
had a fast car
Santa had a faster
sleigh
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